Deep Breaths
by Sardixiis
Summary: Paraquat. No one in the McCord family had ever even heard of it. That would soon change. They were going to learn all about it and discover exactly what it could do, in one of the most brutal ways possible.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Every benchmark, every job, every life experience can teach you something. Sometimes the lessons are gentle. Other times they're jammed down your throat with a vengeance. Many lessons learned still apply years later and can once again rear their ugly heads. Often they can combine together in one vicious experience. That's what happened to me.

I've learned that you can't please everyone. My parents taught me that pretty early in life. There was simply no way to make everyone happy. It's flat out impossible. You're more likely in life to make everyone unhappy. That was the basic premise behind compromise after all.

Add to that lesson the one that anger over something can explode out of proportion or any kind of rationalization. I learned that one from a student and her parents at UVA. No matter how much I explained that a family yacht party over the weekend was not a valid excuse for not completing a paper and that I wouldn't offer an extension simply so a student could have a free weekend to party, they wouldn't take no for an answer. It almost turned into a knock out, blow up fight. In the end they had the pleasure of being escorted off campus by security. There was nothing I could have said or done to change their response. There was no rationality involved in that discussion, and nothing I could have done would have brought any into it. Anger often didn't leave room for rationality or logical reasoning.

The last lesson that came into play in one single moment was that there's almost always a scapegoat, and a person who has little to do with a problem can become the one punished for it regardless. That one I learned as Secretary of State. No, it wasn't from Russell Jackson. I only got the introduction from him. That lesson hit me with brutal clarity thanks to Estevan Sanchez.

That was a lesson that wasn't simply taught to me. My family received a crash course lesson as well. They didn't want their lesson any more than I'd wanted mine. It was bad enough that I had to learn it. Seeing Henry and my children experience that lesson so brutally was even worse.

Sanchez did more than simply teach us unwanted lessons though. He completely changed all of our lives and almost took mine in the process.

\- Elizabeth McCord


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

The entire State Department was standing on pins and needles. Tension was so high that everyone was struggling to focus on their work. Instead, thoughts were constantly being drawn to one life at risk and the handful of others that were being put on the line to try and save it. Early in the afternoon they would find out whether the US team on the ground combined with a unit of Libyan government soldiers could get Ambassador Ward out of rebel hands. The mission wasn't a great option, but it was the best one they had. They weren't going to be able to follow any true playbook on this one. The rebels were in a fortified location, and the team had very little information about what they were truly up against. Pulling off the operation without casualties was a big ask, if not completely impossible.

The Secretary of State was definitely not immune to the tension. If anything Elizabeth was even more aware of the risks. It was just as hard for her to focus on the tasks at hand and not get distracted by what was happening with the operation in Libya.

"Ma'am," Blake said from the door, drawing her attention off the report in her hands.

"Yes, Blake?"

"Would you like me to move your conference call with the Indian Ambassador to tomorrow?"

Elizabeth considered, but knew at this point they didn't have a choice. Eventually she would get the call to come to the situation room for the start of the Libya operation. Had the call come earlier in the day, they could have almost guaranteed that she would be back in time for the scheduled conference call. Now there was very little chance of that.

"Please do, Blake, and give her my apologies."

"Yes, Ma'am. And…"

He vanished out the door and returned a moment later with a plate in hand.

"I brought you lunch, which you need to eat whether or not you actually want to."

"Because you say so, Blake?" Elizabeth laughed.

"Because you not eating isn't going to give the operation any extra chance of succeeding. And there's the simple fact that you need food just like everyone else."

"Says you," she returned, though she took the salad from him anyway. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Setting her salad off to the side, Elizabeth returned to her report. She didn't have much interest in eating, but she also knew Blake was right. For the moment she would get through a few more pages of her report. After that she would try and force herself to eat. Maybe it would distract her for a bit.

Sometime later, after she'd just gotten down her first bite of salad, Jay turned up at her door.

"We're wanted in the situation room, Ma'am."

"Finally," she muttered.

Elizabeth immediately stood and followed Jay out of the office. It seemed to be an uneventful trip to the White House. As they were walking toward the situation room however, Jay noticed Elizabeth's eyes were darting around the hallway like she was concerned there was an attack imminent. At first he wondered if she'd seen something in a doorway that might have made her briefly uneasy, but her behavior continued as they kept walking. He hadn't seen anything so far that was cause for alarm.

"Ma'am? Is everything alright?"

Her eyes flickered toward him, her expression unreadable. Jay didn't understand it. She almost looked like she was distrustful of him. That was ridiculous though. They'd just reached the door to the situation room, and he didn't have time to think about it anymore. Elizabeth took her seat just like it was any other day, and Jay discarded his concern about her earlier behavior. It had been a highly stressful morning, and they had just arrived at the tensest moment of the day. It would be enough to unsettle even the usually unflappable Secretary of State. There was no question it was getting to Jay. Both he and Elizabeth took their seats like everything was normal and turned their attention to the President. Tension absolutely thrummed through the room.

"Everyone ready to get this thing started?" Dalton asked.

There was a round of nods around the table. Everyone was eager to get the operation going so they could rescue the Ambassador. Before Dalton could say anything to the mission commander being broadcast on their screen, Elizabeth put a stop to it.

"Gordon doesn't look ready, sir. His hat is crooked and the feather is about to fall out."

Her statement rang like a discordant note. A stunned silence filled the room. A few eyes even shifted toward the Secretary of Defense even though they all knew he didn't have a hat, especially one with a feather.

"What the hell?" Russell asked.

"You can't start any operation with a hat that's about to fall off," she added matter-of-factly.

She said it so deadpan and serious, like she actually believed everything she was saying. The tone fit more with an official report than the complete nonsense she had spoken. From the look on her face however, it didn't appear that she even realized she wasn't making sense. She looked and sounded legitimately concerned about Gordon's supposed hat problem. The only other option to explain a comment like that was a joke, but she should know full well that it wasn't a time to be joking either. Even an intern would know not to try that at a time like this. Her behavior simply made no sense.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?" Ellen asked as she reached across the table and touched Elizabeth's hand.

The touch was gentle, but Elizabeth reacted like she'd been electrocuted. She shot out of her chair, vigorously shaking her hands.

"No, no, no! Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

The words were separated by panting gasps as she paced the room. As her pacing continued, she appeared less and less aware of everyone around her. Her words were making less and less sense until they devolved into unintelligible mutterings. Something clearly wasn't right, and Jay took that as his cue to do something. Too bad he didn't know what to do. Jay stood up and approached Elizabeth incredibly slowly, almost like he would a terrified and skittish animal. He had no idea how she was going to react to him or anything he might say.

"Ma'am?"

Elizabeth whipped around toward him, nearly losing her balance in the process. Her eyes were widely dilated, and she was still gasping for breath. There was a sudden twist in Elizabeth's expression that Jay knew all too well from experience with Chloe. He lunged for the trash can, scooped it up, and held it in front of her. It was just in time too. A moment after he got the trash can in place she vomited. Almost immediately afterward she began coughing and struggling to draw in air. Jay set the trash can down and reached out to Elizabeth, fear flickering through him.

"Ma'am?"

When he took her arm she tried to turn away from him. In the process she tripped over her own feet and went down. Between Jay and Admiral Parker, who was in the closest seat, they were able to keep her from slamming her head on the ground. Despite that, she made no move to get up and her wheezing breaths continued. Everyone stared at her in stunned disbelief mixed with concern.

"Mr. Wittman."

Jay dragged his eyes off his boss and looked at the President.

"Sir?"

"Call an ambulance and stay with her."

Jay nodded weakly, happy to have someone else making the decisions. He certainly didn't feel capable of that at the moment.

"We're going to need to get her out of here," Admiral Parker said.

"I've got her," Ephraim replied as he took over for the admiral and gathered Elizabeth close. "You're needed here."

That morning Jay hadn't thought anything could distract him from Ambassador Ward's rescue. He hadn't thought he could get more anxious either. The universe had proved him wrong in the worst way. As he made the call to 911 his anxiety levels were worse than they'd been all day and he wasn't even thinking about the Ambassador.

Ephraim carefully carried Elizabeth out of the room as Jay made the call. He was incredibly worried about Elizabeth. Up close like this he could hear just how rasping her breathing was. She didn't seem to be reacting to anything that was happening either. That wasn't a good sign. Someone breathing the way Elizabeth was should be absolutely panicked. It was the natural response, but Ephraim saw none of that from her.

"Can you get her up to the back gate?" Jay asked. "It will be faster, and they can meet us there."

"Easily. The sooner she gets to help, the better. Let's go."

Whatever needed to be done to get the Secretary to help they would do. Together they headed up through the White House to the back exit. There was going to be no way to hide an ambulance's appearance at the White House, but they could at least offer some privacy. That was the most they could do to try and protect Elizabeth from the rumor mill and media attention an ambulance would bring. Thankfully they didn't have to wait long.

"They're here," Jay told Ephraim. "How's she doing?"

"Not any better than before," Ephraim admitted.

He wasn't even sure if she hadn't gotten worse. Her breathing sounded more like wheezes now, each one a fight.

Once the paramedics took over Jay realized just how bad Elizabeth's condition was. He didn't know much of anything about medicine, but when the people who did sounded extremely concerned about someone's breathing he didn't need to know much. The Secretary was clearly in a lot of trouble. When the paramedics didn't waste any time loading Elizabeth and getting ready to transport her it drove home the seriousness of the situation. Struggling to breathe himself now, Jay scrambled into the ambulance as well.

It was going to be alright. Somehow. At least that was what Jay was telling himself no matter how much of a lie it might be. He couldn't consider any of the other possibilities.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"We've all agreed that prisoners of war deserve the same humane treatment as anyone else. The question then becomes, how do you balance ethical treatment with the need to gather information from your prisoners?" Henry explained to his class.

"Shouldn't there also be a consideration of escape potential?"

As the student asked his question Henry's phone vibrated on his desk. He glanced at the screen and hit ignore before focusing back on his class.

"Explain."

"Many elements of human treatment require more than simply avoiding torture. Complete isolation and lock down can also be considered inhumane. However, the more privileges you provide, the bigger the risk. Free time, tools, interactions with other prisoners. Those are all things that are key elements of escape."

"Very good points," Henry admitted. "We'll add that consideration to our discussion as well."

Once again he was disrupted by his phone going off. A quick glance showed him it was the same caller, a number he didn't know. As before he hit ignore and continued teaching. This time there was a second indication of a voicemail. While he was curious about that, it could wait until after his class.

He had barely gotten the discussion going again when his phone interrupted them for a third time. Something wasn't right. That was the only reason why he'd be getting a third phone call from the same number in such a short period of time. Nobody was that persistent without having a really good reason, and a reason that couldn't wait.

"Hold on, everyone," Henry told his class as he picked up the phone. "Let's take a minute. I need to answer this."

As his students began to talk among themselves – some of them continuing their POW discussion to his amusement – Henry stepped back and answered his call.

"Hello?"

 _"Dr. McCord, this is Jay Wittman, your wife's Chief of Staff. I need to know if the Secretary has any life threatening allergies."_

Allergies? That was an odd request that Henry really didn't understand. It was a very odd way to start a conversation too. He was all for jumping right to the point, but that was a bit too much. A little background would have been appreciated.

"No. Elizabeth doesn't have any allergies minus the occasional seasonal stuff. Why?"

 _"I think you need to meet us at Georgetown Hospital."_

Henry's heart dropped to his feet and his stomach clenched. Fear made him shaky, and he had to brace himself on his desk. Immediately his mind raced to the worst case scenarios. They were at the hospital, and Jay had mentioned life threating. Those worst case scenarios didn't sound all that unrealistic given the information he had.

"What's going on, Jay?"

 _"I don't… really know. She started hallucinating and now she can't breathe."_

"Bad?"

 _"I'm not a doctor, Henry, but yeah, I'd say bad."_

Even more terror settled into Henry. He quickly promised Jay he would be there as soon as possible and hung up. Without wasting any time Henry began gathering his things.

"Class is cancelled for the day. I will let you know when we're resuming."

He didn't offer his students any chance to ask questions. They could assume whatever they wanted. His only concern was getting to his wife as quickly as possible.

O . o . O . o . O

Henry's driving bordered on dangerous as he tried to weave through traffic to get to the hospital with all speed. Even worse, he was on the phone as he drove.

"Will, pick up the phone. Pick up the phone, Will."

No matter how much he pleaded, Will's phone went to voicemail. He didn't have time to wait for his brother-in-law to call him back though. If Will wasn't going to answer his phone then Henry was going to have to take more drastic measures. He called Walter Reed directly.

 _"Walter Reed Medical Center, how may I direct your call?"_

"I need to speak to Dr. Will Adams. I don't want his voicemail box; I want to speak to him. I don't care what he's doing either. This can't wait. It's a family emergency."

 _"I can attempt to contact him and see if he has time to talk to you, sir. Who should I tell him is calling?"_

Henry tried to hold back his frustration over the lack of urgency. He thought he'd made that clear, but apparently he was going to have to try harder.

"This is Henry McCord. Tell Will it's about Elizabeth, his sister. It's urgent he speak with me. Her life might depend on it."

He didn't know if that was 100% true, but it was close enough to reality and should get his message through.

 _"I will pass the message along. Please stay on the line while I page him."_

It was one of the longest waits of Henry's life. He could see Will refusing to leave a patient to take his call if Henry's request wasn't phrased properly. Even knowing the call was about Elizabeth might not be enough. Will would do anything for Elizabeth if he knew her life was on the line, but there was no saying that piece had gotten across. Finally the hold music cut out and Will's voice came through the phone.

 _"Henry?"_

"Will. Thank God. Elizabeth isn't seriously allergic to anything, right?"

 _"No. Kind of figure you would know that though. You've been married long enough."_

"They asked specifically about life threatening allergies. I wanted to be sure you didn't know about anything I hadn't heard about. Maybe something she had as a child but grew out of."

 _"Who asked? What on earth is going on, Henry?"_

"I just got a call saying Elizabeth's on her way to the hospital. She's hallucinating and can't breathe."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment.

 _"Shit."_ There was another pause. _"Shit. Which hospital?"_

"Georgetown."

 _"I'll meet you there,_ " Will replied, his mind already whirling with possible causes.

He hung up before Henry could say another word. Clearly he was in just as much of a rush to reach Elizabeth's side as Henry was. That was fine by Henry. It meant he could focus all of his attention on getting to the hospital.

O . o . O . o . O

The phone call from Jay had been terrifying, but that was child's play compared to what Henry found at the hospital. Knowing Elizabeth had been having trouble breathing, he'd been expecting to see her with an oxygen mask. Instead he found her with a breathing tube. She didn't appear conscious either. It gave him a clearer picture of what she'd felt when she'd found him after the dirty bomb. He'd already been told he wasn't allowed into her room yet, but he couldn't convince himself to leave. Instead of sitting down, he nearly clung to the window ledge looking into her room. Even Jay wasn't able to convince him to leave the window. It wasn't until a doctor came out to talk to them that Henry stepped away, and it wasn't completely willingly. The news they received answered some questions, but it also brought up new ones. Really the only good thing they got out of it was that Henry was cleared to sit with Elizabeth.

Half an hour later Will arrived and joined Henry at Elizabeth's bedside. The sight of Elizabeth on a ventilator unsettled Will as much as it did Henry. It was even worse though since Will recognized the other monitors and equipment in use throughout the room. The fact that her oxygen levels were only in the low 90s even on a vent told him how serious her condition was.

"Henry, how is she?"

"We don't really know," Henry replied as Will took a seat next to him. "They ran blood tests and found magic mushrooms."

"She was drugged?"

"That's the only thing that explains them being in her system. The doctors said it's why she was hallucinating and acting erratic. It doesn't explain her breathing problems though. They're keeping a close eye on her kidneys too."

Will frowned. He could add elevated heartrate to the unexplained symptoms also, but he didn't mention it to Henry. Elizabeth's husband didn't need more bad news. Henry couldn't use the knowledge to figure out what was happening like Will could either.

"The blood tests didn't turn up anything else? Other drugs? Poisons?"

"They didn't mention anything else."

"I'm going to try and talk to the doctor. That alright with you?"

"Yeah. Go."

With a nod, Will left the room in search of Elizabeth's doctor. He needed more answers than Henry could give him. While he doubted those answers would reassure him, at least he would know what was going on and could potentially help.

Henry barely paid attention as Will left. He simply held Elizabeth's hand and stroked her fingers, not that she showed any sign of noticing him. When Will eventually came back Henry didn't even realize it until his brother-in-law spoke.

"Do you know if Elizabeth was out of her office this morning?"

"I don't think she had anything scheduled, but that doesn't mean something didn't change."

"Would anyone know for sure?"

"Blake, probably. I could call him."

"Do it."

Henry's forehead furrowed at the request, though it couldn't really be called that. It sounded much more like an order. Something about Will's expression worried Henry, but Will wasn't explaining anything. It didn't look like he was going to either. With no other option, Henry made the call to Blake. While it was still ringing he held the phone out to Will. Will listened to the last few rings before Blake picked up.

 _"Secretary McCord's office. Blake Moran speaking."_

"This is Will Adams, Elizabeth's brother. I need to know if she was out of the office at all this morning."

 _"No, sir. The Secretary was in her office all morning until she was called to the situation room in the White House. May I ask why?"_

No one in Elizabeth's office other than Jay knew Elizabeth was in the hospital. Word hadn't spread out of the situation room yet since everyone was still there. Blake wasn't going to get that information from Will at the moment either. Instead of answering Blake's question he plowed on with his own. There were more important things than explaining what was happening.

"Did she eat anything today?"

Blake prickled at the question.

 _"Of course she ate. I make sure she has food even when she's too busy to notice the time."_

"Do you still have what you gave her?"

 _"I certainly haven't removed it, so I would assume the plate's still in her office. What is this all about?"_

It was starting to become obvious that Blake was growing irritated, but Will didn't care. He would ruffle whatever feathers on his sister's staff he needed to in order to help her.

"I need you to bag up the plate and whatever food is left on it. Make sure you don't touch any of the food or anywhere on the plate it might have touched. Treat it as a biohazard and get it up to Georgetown Hospital. Elizabeth's life might depend on it. Someone drugged her, and we need to find out with what."

 _"I… I'll get it there right away."_

The moment Will hung up Henry started grilling him. It was obvious to him that Will had either learned something more from the doctors or he suspected something and was testing his own theories. Whatever the reason, Henry wanted to know what was happening.

"What are you thinking, Will? That someone drugged her food?"

"And potentially poisoned it. If I'm right, the fact that she was given a hallucinogen probably saved her life. Start praying I'm wrong with my guess."

"Why?"

Will sighed and considered how to explain. There was the question of how much Henry needed to know too. The full truth of what Will suspected with terrify Henry, and his brother-in-law was scared enough as it was.

"Her bloodwork came back negative for all of the usual suspects and even some of the more unusual ones. That leaves poisons that aren't seen here that often. Her symptoms match what I've seen in my work in people who have been exposed to paraquat. It's an herbicide that is relatively common in South America. It's been banned in the States because of the risk of poisoning. Exposure is essentially a death sentence for all but the most minor cases. Of course there's no ready access to doctors or hospitals in most of those places either. Here there's more of a chance, but that doesn't change the fact that paraquat poisoning has no cure. No antidote. The most anyone can do is treat the symptoms and hope for the best."


	4. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: I forgot to put my usual caveat before, so here it is. I do not have a medical background beyond the small amount of training I got in my career field, nor do I have a background in poison or drugs. All of my information comes from google. I don't always interpret that information right and sometimes there simply isn't any to be had for what I'm researching, which means there are bound to be some inaccuracies. Please enjoy the story for what it is despite them. There are times when I also take a little creative license in this story to make it work the way I want too._

* * *

Chapter Three

Stevie was busy filing reports and other paperwork when Russell returned from the situation room. As usual he barely acknowledged anyone in the office as he walked by, but this time was slightly different. Right before he entered his office he paused and glanced back.

"Stevie."

Her head popped up in startlement.

"Yes, sir?"

"You should probably go to the hospital."

While Stevie had been startled before, it was nothing compared to what she felt now. He could have easily transposed the word "hospital" with "cafeteria" and his tone would have still fit. There was no urgency and definitely no explanation. It left Stevie incredibly confused. Had she heard him wrong?

"Go… where?"

"The hospital," Russell repeated. "Georgetown, I think. It's where they took your mom."

That bit of news nearly bowled Stevie over. Panic overrode her filter and the first word burst out of her with far more volume than she'd intended.

"What?! When? Why?"

"An hour ago, or something like that. She was acting strange, then collapsed and couldn't breathe. That's all I know. We didn't waste the paramedics' time trying to get more information, and the operation in Libya couldn't wait."

Stevie's mouth dropped open.

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I'm telling you now, aren't I?" Russell asked as he threw his arms wide almost mockingly. "Now go, would you?"

Stevie didn't need to be told a third time, and she left the office at what could easily have been construed as a run. The ride down to the hospital was nerve-wracking. It was even worse since she couldn't get ahold of her father. When Stevie got to the hospital and tried to find her mom she didn't have any better luck. The front desk wouldn't even admit that Elizabeth was at the hospital. It was frustrating, but she trusted Russell's memory. If he said her mom was here, then she was. Stevie decided her best option was to wander the hospital and try to find her mother on her own. It shouldn't be all that hard. Her mom's security detail would give her away. It took a little while, but eventually she found the first guard and knew she was in the right place. When she rounded the next corner there was little doubt left.

"Uncle Will?"

Will turned, and his surprise shifted into a sad smile.

"Stephanie. Hi, sweetheart."

"So glad Dad took the time to call you but didn't bother to call the rest of us. I had to find out from my boss."

"He only called because he had a question for me. I don't think he would have thought to call otherwise. His head isn't really on straight."

Stevie sighed. She knew her uncle was right about her dad's thought process, but she still wished she would have found out about her mom from her father and not Russell. Henry would have been a lot gentler about the revelation.

"I know, and I get it. Either way, I'm really glad you're here, Uncle Will."

She stepped forward into his embrace and held him tight.

"How's Mom?" she whispered.

"Not very well, sweetheart. She was drugged with magic mushrooms and a poison known as paraquat. It's greatly affecting her lungs and some of her other organs to a lesser degree. They're treating her right now with activated charcoal and a hemoperfusion."

Stevie stared up at him for a moment, hardly believing what he was telling her. She hadn't understood half of it, but what she had scared her.

"That all sounds really bad."

"I'm not going to lie to you and say that it isn't. They started treatment relatively early, but we won't know what it's going to do for a while."

She nodded and brushed away the beginnings of tears. It was hard to prevent them though.

"Where's Dad?"

"He went to the bathroom. Probably taking a break. He's having a hard time."

They all were even though Will was doing a rather good job of hiding that fact.

"Uncle Will, can I stay with you?"

"Of course, baby. Let's go sit down."

O . o . O . o . O

Despite having six people crammed together in a tiny hospital room, the room was terribly quiet. The only sounds came from the machine forcing air into Elizabeth's lungs and the gentle beeping of her monitors. Henry and Alison sat beside the bed on opposite sides. Neither of them were willing to let go of Elizabeth's hand. Jason was sitting near Will and Stevie. He was attempting to do his homework but wasn't getting very far. Most of his time was spent just staring at the page, though he was consistently looking up to check on his mom. There hadn't been any sign of awareness from her since they'd been there.

"Dad?" Alison asked softly.

He looked up, eyes tired.

"I think Mom just squeezed my hand."

That launched everyone out of their seats in excitement. Henry stood over Elizabeth's bed, her hand still curled in his.

"Do it again, babe. Come on."

Alison's eyes lit up and a smile bloomed across her face. Elizabeth had responded to Henry's request with the same weak grasp on Alison's hand. It was barely perceptible, but there.

"Dad!"

"I know, Ali," Henry replied without taking his eyes off Elizabeth's face. "Elizabeth, can you open your eyes for me? Please, babe. Try to open your eyes."

"Come on, Mom. Please try," Alison pleaded when they didn't see any movement on Elizabeth's face.

As Henry and the kids continued trying to cajole Elizabeth into opening her eyes, Will stepped closer to the bed. He'd been monitoring her stats closely since Alison had mentioned Elizabeth might be waking up and didn't like what he was seeing. She wasn't going to understand what was happening as she regained awareness, and that could easily lead to panic. Will had to make sure she didn't go too far in that direction. It could be incredibly dangerous in her condition.

Elizabeth's eyelids flickered and finally a small sliver of blue became visible. When her eyes slid open further they were glazed and dull. While the rest of her family was celebrating seeing her awake, Will kept looking between her monitor readouts and her face. He saw the moment when her eyes went from dazed to wide with terror and knew exactly where it was going. The only option was to put a stop to her panic right now before it could fully take hold or it would spiral out of control faster than Will could stop or even contain it.

"Move, Henry!" Will nearly shouted as he grabbed Henry's shoulder and jerked him back.

Too confused to do anything other than obey, Henry stumbled backward. Will immediately took Henry's place at the head of the bed.

"Get one of her doctors," he snapped at Henry before turning all of his attention to his sister and cupping her face in his hands. "Lizzie, it's Will. I need you to look at me and focus on my voice. Nothing else. Understand?"

Her eyes darted over and locked on Will's. Her pupils were dilated and white was visible all the way around her eyes.

"You're in the hospital, Lizzie. There's a tube down your throat helping you breathe. The more you calm down the easier that's going to be. That's hard, but I know you can do it. Don't fight against it."

It took longer than Will would have liked, but eventually some of the intense panic left Elizabeth's eyes. At least her heart rate and blood pressure came down to more reasonable levels. Her oxygen saturation levels were still lower than he would like to see though.

Her doctors felt the same way when they came in. More tests and evaluations were done before Elizabeth's family was given permission to stay as long as Elizabeth remained calm.

The kids were more than happy to take advantage of that. They settled themselves around Elizabeth's bed and began talking about their days. Stevie was happy to be able to report that Ambassador Ward had been safely rescued. Will didn't even bother trying to steer the conversation away from political and work topics. He knew his sister better than that. As much as those topics had the potential to work her up, not knowing would only make it worse. Her stubborn streak and the irritation that went with withholding information would more than counter the risk of letting her talk shop. Besides, there was very little "let" when it came to Elizabeth. For the most part she was going to do what she wanted and that would be the end of it. There was simply no point fighting. Knowing Ambassador Ward's fate would probably be a relief to her anyway, which could only be a good thing.

Eventually Henry sent the kids home with their uncle while he stayed a little bit later. He needed the chance to sit down and talk to Elizabeth even though she wouldn't be able to speak in return. They had been married long enough that he could read most of her nonverbal communication.

Once the kids were gone he settled himself on the edge of her bed. He gathered Elizabeth's hands into his and kissed her knuckles.

"We're going to get through this together. I'm not going anywhere. Okay?"

She squeezed his hand the best she could in reply. She believed he would stay with her through everything. 100%. The only doubt was related to whether they would actually get through this. She didn't completely understand what was happening to her, but she was able to read a room. Even with her head as fuzzy as it was, the mood and faces had been more than obvious. No spy skills needed. Whatever was happening to her was serious. What she didn't know was whether the level of serious was "might die" or something slightly less extreme.

Henry caught the tears building up in her eyes.

"No, no. No crying, babe. You can't cry with a ventilator."

Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before staring up at the ceiling and trying to regain control of her emotions. It took longer than Henry was expecting before he eyes returned to meet his. When they did though, they were dry.

"That's my girl. We don't need you crying."

Elizabeth tapped at Henry's hand. At first he wasn't sure what she wanted until she got one hand free of his and hovered her finger over his palm. Her eyes met his and then focused as best she could on his open hand. She began drawing on his palm with her finger. When she finished she looked up at him again to see if he'd understood.

Henry frowned for a moment before asking, "Then?"

There was no need for words to tell him he was right with that guess. Her glittering eyes told him everything he needed to know. She went back to writing on his palm with him speaking each word she wrote.

"Stop. Being. Sweet."

When she finished the last word she let her hand drop to the bed in exhaustion. Henry was unsettled with her response to such a minimal effort task. Not wanting to share his concern with her and risk getting her upset again, he focused on her message.

"I can't do that, babe. I'm your arm candy. I'm supposed to be sweet."

Elizabeth promptly rolled her eyes at him, which only made Henry grin wider. It was good to see a little bit of spunk from her despite what she was feeling. That was the type of fire she was going to need to make it through this.

O . o . O . o . O

Henry was sitting quietly at Elizabeth's bedside the next evening when he and his wife received an unexpected visitor.

"Conrad," Henry whispered in response to the knock on the door.

The President walked into the room and stood beside Henry's chair and Elizabeth's bed. Elizabeth was sound asleep. If Conrad hadn't known better he would have thought Elizabeth was snoring. Instead the wheezing sound that filled the room was simply her breathing.

"I would ask how she's doing, but I think I can hear that for myself."

"This is actually an improvement," Henry admitted. "They took her off the ventilator this afternoon. Her oxygen levels aren't really all that good even with the supplemental oxygen she's on, but they hadn't been all that good on the vent either."

"Do they think she's going to recover?"

Henry flinched in response. It was nearly imperceptible, but Conrad noticed. What that could potentially mean terrified him.

"Her kidney function has come back to normal, which is good. You already know her breathing hasn't really improved. The doctors are worried about scarring in her lungs. I guess that's common after paraquat poisoning. If there is scarring…"

When Henry trailed off Conrad picked up for him.

"She may never fully recover."

"That's the picture I'm getting. We'll have to look at different treatment options. Hopefully they can get her as close to full recovery as possible. They're going to do an x-ray and maybe a CT scan tomorrow. I'm really praying it's good news."

"I'll hope for that too."

Henry dropped his head into his hands and kneaded at his temples. It had been a really long and difficult day. He had tried to stay positive throughout the day for Elizabeth's sake, but every time one of the staff had talked to them or new information had been presented it had tested his ability to maintain his charade. That was definitely what the whole thing had felt like. A charade.

"Please tell me you're going to figure out who did this and make them pay for it."

"The NSA and a special team of White House security are already looking into it. Once we know who did this they'll face justice and be held accountable. You have my word."

The thought of that didn't make Henry feel better like he'd thought it might. Punishing the person responsible was something, but it wouldn't heal Elizabeth. Despite that, he nodded in thanks.

"Let her know I stopped by when she wakes up, and that everyone is thinking about her."

"Thank you, Conrad. I will."


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Jay couldn't hide his excitement as he stepped into the conference room. Daisy, Matt, Kat, and Blake were already gathered and waiting for him. He didn't waste any time sharing the good news. They'd all been waiting anxiously for almost a full week to hear it.

"The Secretary was released from the hospital today."

Faces lit up, and the entire room erupted with cheers. It was very exciting news for all of them. Despite the fact that they were all work colleagues, they'd become more like a family. The stress of what they worked on combined with their long hours had solidified that feeling. All of them cared about Elizabeth. Hearing she was making positive progress was certainly cause for celebration.

"That's wonderful," Kat said happily.

"Does that mean she should be back to work soon?" Matt asked.

The smile vanished off Jay's face like it had never been there. He'd been trying really hard not to think past today and her release from the hospital. Now he was going to have to share the news he didn't even want to think about with the rest of the staff.

"The situation is… a little more serious than that," Jay explained. "She's being placed on medical leave."

That brought the mood down in an instant. No one was smiling anymore, and Blake had even gone so pale he'd needed to sit down.

"How long?" Daisy whispered.

They were all pretty sure they weren't going to like the answer. Jay had no doubt that they wouldn't. He certainly hadn't liked it.

"Indefinitely, I'm afraid."

"Indefinitely?" Matt choked out. "Are you serious?"

"I wish I wasn't. According to Dr. McCord they had to fight pretty hard with the Secretary's doctors not to send her to a skilled nursing facility for rehab but to do therapy at home instead. They're really worried she's going to need more help and care than Henry can provide."

"Oh my God," Kat muttered. She was so knocked off balance that she didn't know what else to say. Knowing the Secretary was hospitalized had been bad enough. Realizing it wasn't anywhere near over was almost too much to comprehend. She didn't even want to think about the fact that indefinitely could very well mean permanently.

Daisy followed Blake's example and took a seat as she tried to process what was happening. She was starting to feel sick.

"We already lost one Secretary. Are you telling me we're going to lose another?"

"This is all my fault," Blake groaned. "The Secretary almost died, could still die really. Oh God, that makes it even worse. How do you even apologize for something like that?"

He almost looked green and couldn't meet any of their eyes.

"No one blames you, Blake," Jay assured as he clapped his hand on Blake's shoulder.

"How could you not blame me? I was the one that brought her that salad. A tainted salad that she ate because I told her to and then nearly ended up dying from it."

"Pretty sure you weren't trying to poison the Secretary, man. You just brought her lunch," Matt countered.

"And if I hadn't she would be here right now and we wouldn't even be having this discussion. How is that not my fault?"

"You never struck me as an idiot, but at the moment you might be changing my mind on that," Kat told Blake.

Blake simply looked at her, still appearing rather sick. Nothing his co-workers could say would change the fact that he'd been the one to deliver the poison right to the Secretary. He was to blame for all of this.

"The Secretary wouldn't blame you, Blake, so you definitely shouldn't be blaming yourself," Jay agreed. "Talk to her yourself if you don't believe me."

"If I were her I wouldn't even want to see me."

"That settles it then. You're coming with me after work. Speaking of, that's what we need to start doing. Work."

He slapped the table once to punctuate his statement before leaving the conference room to head to his office. Blake scuttled after him, protesting the need to visit the Secretary at home as they walked.

He continued trying to convince Jay that there was no need for him to visit throughout the day. No matter how many times Jay ignored him or insisted he come, Blake wouldn't give up. In fact, he was still arguing against it when they pulled up outside the McCord's house at the end of the day. Once they got out of the car Jay turned on him in irritation.

"Seriously, Blake. Give it up. We're already here. You're not just going to wait in the car," he said before thrusting a bouquet of flowers into Blake's hands. "Now hold these and let's go."

Blake gaped like a fish out of water as Jay walked past security and headed to the door. Completely dumbfounded, Blake didn't even think to move until Jay was climbing the front steps. At the last minute his brain kicked into gear. He had to jog to catch up before Henry opened the door.

"Hey, guys," Henry welcomed. "Come on in. She's really tired, but I'm sure she'll be glad to see you."

"Thank you. We won't stay long," Jay promised.

Henry led the way through the kitchen and to the family room where Elizabeth was propped up with pillows on the couch.

"Jay and Blake are here to see you, babe."

Elizabeth nodded and tried to push herself up into a sitting position. She wasn't very successful, so Henry helped her up, careful to keep steadying her until she got her feet on the ground and her coughing subsided.

"You good?"

"Yeah."

Henry motioned Jay and Blake over. Both of them were shocked to see how pale the Secretary was and to find oxygen tubing hooked over her ears and trailing down to the ground. It threw them both off for a moment. Jay recovered first.

"We were all really glad to hear you'd been discharged, Ma'am. The flowers are from all of us. A get well soon present."

"Thank you, Jay."

"You just focus on getting better. We'll take care of the State Department while you're gone."

"I appreciate it."

"Um, sorry to interrupt," Stevie said as she stepped into the room and motioned to the flowers. "Do you want me to put those in water?"

Jay glanced at the flowers in Blake's hand and then took them from him. It was the perfect opportunity to force Blake into a conversation that he absolutely didn't want to have, but needed to have regardless.

"How about I help you? Blake needs to speak to the Secretary anyway."

"Wait, what?" Blake asked as Jay pat him on the shoulder and followed Stevie into the kitchen.

He stared after Jay, left floundering. Trying to come up with something to say to his boss in apology would have been hard enough with days of advanced notice. Now he had to come up with something on the spot. He looked back at the Secretary who was patiently watching him.

"Blake?"

Mouth dry, Blake settled himself on the edge of the couch. He clasped his hands in his lap and stared down at them. In that moment he would have given just about anything to be able to flee. The only thing that kept him there was the fact that the Secretary deserved this apology. He owed it to her.

"I am so sorry, Ma'am. This is all my fault. I was the one who brought you that salad. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have been poisoned. I don't know how to apologize for that. Or how you can ever forgive me."

He finally met her eyes and swallowed hard. Elizabeth had expected something like this. She knew Blake well enough to have an idea what was coming. Of course expecting it didn't make it any less ridiculous.

"Seriously, Blake? This isn't remotely your fault, and I don't blame you. You didn't do it on purpose. You never would. It's not in you. You didn't know or even suspect that salad was poisoned."

It was a lot to say all at once for someone with lung problems. She had to fight hard to force out the last sentence. Each word was separated with a long pause for her to suck in breath. By the time she was done her chest was burning and she felt slightly lightheaded. Henry rubbed her back and whispered into her ear to focus on her breathing. Elizabeth nodded and leaned back against the couch. Thankfully for Blake he was too focused on his own misery to notice Elizabeth's struggle. If he had, he would have felt even worse, if that were possible.

"That doesn't matter, Ma'am. I checked the dictionary. I am, by definition, a poisoner."

Not wanting Elizabeth to push herself harder than she already had, Henry handed her his phone. Typing would take longer but would require a lot less energy. It would also help her breathing, which was something she could really use in that moment. She mouthed "thank you" to Henry and typed her response to Blake.

 _You looked it up?_

"Yes, I looked it up, and the definition is literally "a person who has killed or harmed someone using poison." I fit that definition. I gave you something that harmed you."

Elizabeth glanced at Henry then gestured to Blake and mimed strangling him. Henry laughed.

"You do know what that means, right?" he asked Blake.

"She was pretty clear, yes, and I certainly deserve it."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, typed one word, and thrust the phone at Henry.

"Stubborn," Henry read. "She's right. Trust me, Blake, my wife doesn't blame you. I don't even blame you and I'm spreading my blame pretty liberally right now."

O . o . O . o . O

While Henry and Elizabeth tried to talk sense into Blake, Jay started a small interrogation with Stevie.

"How's your mom doing?" he asked as Stevie finished arranging the flowers in a vase.

Stevie glanced at him, a flicker of suspicion in her eyes.

"She's fine," Stevie replied before turning away from Jay to throw out the scraps of the bouquet.

She was hoping to put an end to the conversation. Lying wasn't one of her talents. Nor was spinning a story so it didn't sound as bad as it actually was. Unfortunately for her, Jay was not about to stop.

"I'm on her side, Stevie. Part of my job is to protect her reputation. You can tell me the truth. I'm just worried about her."

Relief flooded through Stevie, and before she knew it the words came pouring out. She hadn't had the chance to talk to anyone about her mom's condition yet. It would be nice to actually say everything that had been swirling around in her head.

"Okay. Then she's really not fine. She's really sick. We can't leave her on her own at all because she can't get around without help and a lot of breaks. Her breathing honestly scares me. She gets out of breath so fast, and the coughing is terrible."

Jay tried not to wince.

"I'm so sorry, Stevie."

"So am I. I think the worst part is that we don't know if she's going to get any better. The doctors are confident she'll make progress with therapy, but they don't know how much."

Her uncle had promised to do some research for Elizabeth too. He'd been the one to get her the oxygen concentrator instead of tanks and was currently working on an emergency system for them. Will had warned them he'd be around a lot to check on Elizabeth too, not that any of the McCords minded. They would all appreciate having Will around to help.

Jay had really been hoping for better news than that. No matter what he'd told the rest of the staff, he still hadn't given up on the idea of Elizabeth returning to the State Department. Even after what Stevie had said and seeing Elizabeth for himself he wasn't willing to consider the fact that she might never return. He simply kept telling himself she would get better; it just might take longer than he'd originally thought. He didn't have a chance to say anything else to Stevie before Henry and Blake joined the two of them in the kitchen.

"The Secretary is exhausted," Blake explained. "We should probably go so she can rest."

"Right."

"I'll show the two of you out," Henry told them.

Jay said a quick goodbye to Elizabeth before catching up to Blake and Henry at the door.

"Thanks for stopping by," Henry said. "I'm sure Elizabeth appreciated it."

"Will you keep us up to date on how she's doing?" Jay asked.

"Of course."

Henry opened the door for them and stood aside.

"Before you leave. A piece of advice, Blake?" Henry said. "Elizabeth isn't upset with you right now, but she will be if you continue castigating yourself for this mistaken belief that you are somehow at fault for her poisoning. Understand?"

"I'll take that under advisement."

"Good. We'd both appreciate it."


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Alison loved having Friday mornings off classes. Usually she spent her free time hanging out on campus or tinkering in the fashion department's studio. That morning she was at home so her father wouldn't feel guilty about going in to work and leaving her mother alone. While Alison was happy to play the role of helper, being the one her mom would need to rely on made her a bit nervous. If something happened she wasn't sure if she would know what to do. She hadn't seen her mother yet, but she knew she was awake. The shower had been running a little while ago. Alison figured she'd be getting a text from her mom pretty soon asking for help getting downstairs. That's how they'd been working it the last few days anyway.

Forty five minutes later Alison realized that morning wasn't going to work like all the other ones had. While Ali took a long time to get ready in the morning, even she didn't take that long after a shower, especially when she wasn't going anywhere. Her mom was taking longer than usual lately with all of the breaks she needed, but even so Alison was starting to get worried. She didn't hear anything going on upstairs either. Going into her mother's room while she was getting dressed would be exceedingly awkward, but she was going to have to do it. Given her mom's condition, time was of the essence if something had happened. Alison would take the complete awkwardness and embarrassment if it meant nothing was actually wrong.

When she got upstairs she found her parents' bedroom door open. That would have been reassuring if it hadn't meant her mom was behind the closed door of the bathroom. And here she'd thought finding her mom partially dressed in her bedroom would have been mortifying. This was going to be even worse. She hovered outside of the door for a moment before getting up the courage to knock.

"Mom? Everything okay? Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Even though she had permission to come in, she still entered tentatively. Her mom had at least sounded mostly alright in the one word she'd spoken, but Alison still didn't really know what she was going to be walking into. Everything could be perfectly fine or Elizabeth could have used everything she had left to sound normal in that one word.

She found her mom sitting slightly slumped over on the lid of the toilet. Elizabeth had managed to get dressed in light sweats. Her hair was still dripping wet and had soaked the collar and back of her shirt. The oxygen concentrator was sitting near her bare feet, and the tubing was secured over her ears. Alison knelt down and rested her hands on her mother's knees.

"Are you alright?"

Elizabeth smiled wryly.

"Trying to convince myself to do my hair. I managed to shower and get dressed but ran out of energy." She was starting to run out of breath too, and the last words came out with long pauses in between for her to try and catch her breath. "Funny… the things you… take for… granted, huh?"

Her mother's words made Alison want to cry. Before Elizabeth hadn't had any problem running around the globe putting out fires for days on end. Now she couldn't even finish getting ready in the morning.

"How about you let me do it?"

"Ali…"

"Really, I don't mind. It will actually be kind of fun. Please?"

Elizabeth bowed her head but eventually nodded. She was still trying to accept the fact that she needed help from her family even for the simplest things. It was a hard thing for her to do. She'd always been exceedingly independent, even before she had been required to be after her parents died. Now, like it or not, that independence was being stripped away from her.

Beaming in delight, Alison set about gathering up what she needed. She put a chair in front of the mirror and set out a hairdryer, curling iron, and brush. Once Elizabeth was settled into the chair Alison got to work. In the end she really did enjoy doing her mom's hair, though she would have liked it better if she hadn't continually caught the oxygen tubing with her brush and hands. It was a reminder of Elizabeth's condition that Alison hadn't really wanted. Seeing the expression on her mom's face when she was done with her hair made all of the effort and unwanted reminders worth it though.

"Thank you, Noodle. It's beautiful."

"You're welcome, Mom," Alison returned as she gave her mom a hug. "Ready to go downstairs?"

"What would I do without you, Ali?"

"At the moment, I'd say you'd be stuck up here with wet hair," Alison laughed as she helped her mom to the steps.

O . o . O . o . O

That evening, after work, Henry leaned over the back of the couch and kissed the top of Elizabeth's head in greeting.

"I'm home. How are you feeling?"

"Achy. Tired."

"I'm sorry, babe."

While he hadn't been expecting to hear a good answer, he still hated it whenever she admitted to hurting or being exhausted. He started massaging her shoulders, hoping it would make her feel a little bit better. She leaned her head against his arm and soaked in the attention.

"Hey, Henry?"

"Mm?"

"Will you come sit with me for a little while before you deal with dinner?"

"Sure."

He stepped around the couch and settled down next to her. It didn't take long for her to tuck her legs up and lean against him. Henry was more than happy to hold her.

"Your hair looks really nice today."

"Alison did it."

"That was nice of her."

"Yeah."

Alison had been invaluable before she'd had to go to class. Elizabeth had been incredibly grateful to her daughter, but she wished Alison hadn't needed to be put in that situation. She really wanted to apologize to Henry and her children for what she was putting them through. Henry, she knew, wouldn't hear any of it. Her kids would probably be the same, but that didn't mean she liked it even if they said they didn't mind.

Eventually Henry kissed her temple and pulled away.

"I'd love to stay with you all night, babe, but I really need to get dinner ready."

"Go ahead. I'll just claim you after dinner."

Elizabeth was happy to simply sit on the couch and listen to the typical on-goings of her family in the evening. There was a kind of peaceful pleasure to it despite how riotous it actually was. She didn't even consider getting off the couch until the table was set and dinner was basically ready. With her oxygen concentrator strap over her shoulder, Elizabeth dragged herself into the kitchen. For a long time she simply stood staring at the steps in the corner of the kitchen. They loomed like an imposing obstacle in front of her.

"Mom?" Jason asked. "You do know nobody's magically going to come down the steps, right?"

The entire family was already downstairs and together in the kitchen.

"I know. I'm wondering how I'm magically going to make it up them."

She really had to go to the bathroom, but the trip upstairs would be a monumental task. Unfortunately it was one she wasn't going to be able to avoid much longer.

"You want help?"

"Oh, Jason. I don't want to make you do that."

"You aren't. I offered," he told her as he took the concentrator off her shoulder and draped it over his own. "Come on."

Smiling sadly at the fact that her children were once again going to be her lifeline, she had no choice but to accept Jason's aid. She draped one arm over his shoulder and leaned some of her weight on him as they made their way up the steps. Even with Jason's help she had to take a few rest breaks to get her breath and energy back enough to continue.

"Thank you, Jason," Elizabeth said as Jason handed the oxygen back to her outside of her bathroom.

"Sure."

While Elizabeth headed into the bathroom Jason settled himself on the edge of the bed and pulled out his phone. He would wait until his mother was done so he could help her back downstairs for dinner. When Elizabeth finally came back though she didn't look like she had any intention of returning downstairs. Instead she settled herself on the bed in what had been Henry's side before her poisoning. They'd both decided it would make more sense for her to be closer to the door and bathroom, so now it was her side. It was just one other change in her life that she had to face.

"Are you ready to go back downstairs?" Jason asked even though it looked pretty obvious that his mother was preparing to rest.

"I'm really tired, Jason. I think I'll just stay up here."

Jason's eyebrow lifted in surprise. He'd thought she would just want to rest for a little bit before making her way downstairs, but now it sounded like she had no intention of coming back down at all.

"But what about dinner?"

"I'll eat something later. You go down and eat."

"Are you sure?"

Elizabeth settled two pillows behind her and leaned back against them. Her eyes closed briefly before she opened them again and answered Jason.

"I'm sure. Go eat."

Jason wasn't sure that was the best idea, but he wasn't going to contradict or question his mother. He headed back downstairs for dinner, considering what he could do the entire time.

"Where's Mom?" Alison asked once he returned to the kitchen.

"Upstairs. She said she was too tired to come back down. Can I bring a plate up to her, Dad?"

"Sure, buddy. I think she'd appreciate that."

Henry certainly appreciated his son's consideration and how much all of his children were looking after their mother. Elizabeth definitely needed the help, and he couldn't do it alone.

O . o . O . o . O

Alison finished wiping off the counters after dinner and then hovered around the kitchen. It was only once Stevie and Jason were gone that she approached her father.

"Dad? Do you have a minute?"

"Sure, Noodle," he told her as he closed and started the dishwasher. "What's going on?"

Instead of saying a word Alison wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. As much as she wanted to talk, she really had no idea where to start. Even worse, she didn't want to sound like she was complaining. She really wasn't, but it could easily come across that way.

"That bad, huh?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's fine, Dad."

She wasn't fooling anyone, and Henry wasn't about to let her get away with it.

"This is about your mom, isn't it?"

Ali winced, telling Henry everything he needed to know.

"I thought as much."

Alison released a drawn out breath as she once again tried to figure out how to say what was on her mind without it coming across as terrible.

"I did her hair for her this morning because she wasn't strong enough to do it herself. That's never something I thought I would have to say. Mom's always been completely unstoppable. Almost superhuman, you know? Nothing could ever win against Mom for long. Until this. Now she can't even beat the simplest things. We have to help her so much." Tears began rolling down Alison's cheeks, and as much as she tried to brush them away, they simply kept coming. "I don't want you to think that I mind helping. I don't. I swear."

Henry pulled her to him again and held her tight. As her fingers twisted into the back of his shirt he had to hold back his own tears.

"I know you don't, baby," he choked out around the lump in his throat.

"I just hate seeing her like this. I wish this had never happened," she sobbed.

For a moment Henry had to close his eyes as his daughter's words echoed his own feelings and made them surge upward.

"I do too, sweetheart. I do too."

They were all still grieving and trying to come to terms with what they'd lost. While doing that they were also trying to grow accustomed to their new role and title: caregiver.

* * *

 _Author's Note: You're all getting a new chapter early since I'm going to need all of you amazing people to help me through the frustration and anxiety of this weekend. Knowing people are reading this and enjoying it always makes me feel better._


	7. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: You are all absolutely amazing. Thanks to your reviews and follows it gave me enough happy, breathable moments this weekend to hold off anything even resembling a panic attack until Sunday night. I can't say thank you enough, but I'm going to try by putting up a new chapter faster than usual. This also happens to be one of my favorite chapters since it's an idea I have always wanted to use and never found a way to incorporate until now. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it._

* * *

Chapter Six

Family support was supposed to be supportive. They were presumably here to help. Personally Henry wished they would help themselves right out the door. It would be the most helpful thing they'd done so far. For his sister it would likely be the only helpful thing she could do for them. As for his brother-in-law, he'd already proven his worth on previous occasions. Will could be a stubborn pain in the butt, but he could also be useful. The main problem was Maureen. She'd set Will off basically from the get go, and now Henry wanted to kick them both out. Or strangle them. That seemed like a viable solution too.

"I'm just trying to help my brother!" Maureen screeched as Will once again pestered her about what it was she thought she could do.

"You know what will help your brother? Not upsetting my sister. That's only going to hurt your brother since he hurts when she does. And that doesn't even consider the emotional toll."

"Upset her! I haven't even seen her! Are you saying my mere presence here will set dear Elizabeth off or simply that I need to walk on eggshells around her?"

"Of course he's not –," Henry tried to get in, but Maureen spoke over him.

"I wouldn't want to upset our precious queen."

Her words, as expected, triggered Will even more.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

He was so enraged that his face was bright red and with each wild gesticulation his hair flopped further over his eyes. He was constantly brushing it away so he could glare daggers at Maureen. She, in turn, was giving him her most condescending look, which was highly impressive. Putting a stop to them was going to be near impossible. Henry would have simply thrown in the towel and let them argue it out themselves if his wife hadn't been asleep upstairs. Since he hadn't heard from her he had to assume she was still asleep, though how that was possible with all the noise he had no idea.

"Guys, will you both leave it alone? For my sake and Elizabeth's?" he begged.

Neither of them appeared to hear him and they continued going at each other's throats.

"You should have listened to your brother when he told you yesterday that you didn't need to come!" Will growled.

"He only said that because he didn't want to inconvenience me, not because he didn't want my help."

That wasn't the reason that Henry had told her not to come. He'd been worried she wouldn't be either helpful or considerate, and she was certainly proving he had a legitimate reason to be concerned about that at the moment. Telling Maureen that would only make the fighting worse though, so Henry kept his mouth closed. Will, however, did not.

"He told you not to come since you're only making things worse!"

"How dare you!" Maureen screeched.

Henry once again considered the morality of killing them both as their raised voices filled his ears. He barely even heard his phone over the screams. When he pulled it out, he found a message from his wife.

"Hey! Both of you!" Henry shouted until he had their attention. "Elizabeth says to knock it off."

That request when right over Will and Maureen's heads. Henry barely even got five seconds of peace before the arguing continued. Tired of dealing with them, Henry decided to focus on his wife. There was no point in continuing to try to silence Will and Maureen now that he knew Elizabeth was awake. It was already too late, and he clearly hadn't been remotely successful at even toning them down anyway.

 _"Sorry, babe. I tried,"_ he texted.

 _"Help me down there_ ," she returned.

More than happy to leave the kitchen and escape the fighting, Henry headed upstairs to his wife. He had to support most of her weight as they slowly made their way downstairs. Will and Maureen were so focused on each other that they didn't even notice when Henry settled Elizabeth into a chair. She touched Henry's arm and pointed at her brother. They had already discovered that speaking was going to be a real challenge that day. Her coughing was triggering over the smallest thing, so gestures were going to be the best option. Henry got the message and stepped between Maureen and Will even though they were nearly nose to nose.

"Your sister wants you."

While nothing else had broken through Will's focus on tearing Maureen apart that did. He immediately turned away from Maureen to face Elizabeth and was met with a narrow-eyed glare of reprimand. It almost made Will take a step back. His sister was incredibly good at those glares.

"What?" he asked.

Elizabeth held her arms out to the side as her forehead wrinkled and her mouth dropped open in disbelief. _Seriously?_

"I haven't done anything wrong!"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him and waved her hand back and forth between him and Maureen. He couldn't be that much of an idiot.

"She was being impossible!"

"Me? Me?! You're all accusation and no reasoning!" Maureen retorted.

"How can you be so oblivious to the fact that you're causing problems and not helping fix them?"

Elizabeth groaned and kneaded her temples as Will and Maureen started up again. Maureen was an absolutely hopeless cause, but Elizabeth still hoped she could get through to her brother. While he wasn't the most reasonable person in the world and he could be incredibly stubborn, he still had some respect for her wishes. The fact that she was still medically compromised would only help her cause.

Too out of breath to even attempt to talk, Elizabeth was going to have to use a different strategy to get his attention. Thankfully it looked like he was just close enough to be in reach. She kicked out with her foot and caught his shin. It took almost all of her energy to do it, but the response was worthwhile.

"Ow! Hey! What was that for?"

She reached out toward him and mimed wrapping her hands around his neck and shaking him.

"Oh come on, Lizzie. I'm not the one at fault here."

Elizabeth threw her hands up in exasperation. She pointed a finger at him and started banging her head against her upraised palm. When she looked up she lifted an eyebrow at Will.

"What does that even mean?"

"That dealing with you is like banging her head against a wall," Henry translated. "I speak silence."

Elizabeth beamed at her husband and mouthed, " _Thank you_."

Maureen snorted and eyed Will.

"Dealing with you is worse than that."

"You –," Will growled before his sister cut him off with another kick to the shin.

When he turned a glare on Elizabeth she returned it in kind. She jabbed a finger at him and then at the chair next to her. Once that point was made she held her hand up like a mouth and snapped it closed.

"She wants you to sit down and shut up," Henry explained.

"That one I understood," Will grumbled as he sat down. "Still not the one at fault here."

A groan escaped Elizabeth. He just wouldn't let it go. Frustrated, she wrapped her hands around his throat and gently shook him. He hadn't understood the mimed version, but maybe he would understand the real thing.

"And as usual everyone bows down to Queen Elizabeth, including her family," Maureen muttered under her breath.

Unfortunately it wasn't quiet enough to go unnoticed. Henry gaped at his sister's audacity. Maureen had never treated Elizabeth well, but he never would have expected her to go this far, especially when Elizabeth was sick. Worse yet, she had to have known it would reignite the fight with Will. That was exactly what happened when Will blew up over her comment. He launched himself out of his chair and toward Maureen, screaming the whole way.

"How dare you say that about my sister! You have no right to criticize her!"

Elizabeth could see how bad this was going to get and quickly gestured to Henry to restrain Will before grabbing her phone. Henry caught Will around the chest and held him back from Maureen while Will continued ranting. Elizabeth ignored it all as she typed what she wanted to say to her brother. It was so much harder to argue when it took this long to respond to anything. Once she finally got something written she forced herself out of her chair and grabbed Will's arm to get his attention. After she had it, Henry let go of Will and turned his own attention to Maureen. The least he could do was try to calm his sister down and try to back her off a little bit while Elizabeth dealt with her own sibling.

Will gripped Elizabeth's elbow to help support her as she shoved her phone into his hand. He knew full well that adrenaline and anger were the only reasons she was able to get on her feet like this. Once he was sure she wouldn't collapse from the effort he read the message typed there.

 _"You say I'm controlling all the time, so why are you so upset?"_

"I'm your brother! I'm allowed to say stuff like that. She isn't!"

Elizabeth smiled and wrapped her arms around him. As much as they fought with each other, the moment one of them was targeted by an outside person Will and Elizabeth became a completely united front. He was doing all of this to protect her. Gently taking his arm, she guided him back to the seats and away from Maureen. He went willingly, though only for her sake. Once they were seated she pointed at him and shook her head, then drew a finger across her throat and pointed to Maureen. Will crossed his arms in annoyance.

"Sure I could kill her, and I could do it without it looking like a murder too."

"And he accused me of setting Elizabeth off. You see? He's over there plotting my death! I _told_ you he was the problem," Maureen told Henry with no attempt to keep Will or Elizabeth from hearing her.

"I'm the… I'm the problem? Are you completely insane or just incredibly stupid?"

"Oh, of course! Since you went to medical school and I didn't even go to college of course it makes me stupid."

"Are you done yet, Maureen? Really?" Henry demanded. He was getting rather tired of hearing the same complaints and criticisms from his sister.

"See? Even you think I'm stupid and at fault for all of this. Well I'm sorry I'm not as refined and hoity-toity as your wife and her family."

Will growled and moved to get out of his chair to confront Maureen. Elizabeth tried to keep him seated but wasn't successful.

"So Elizabeth and I do well for ourselves. So what? That has nothing to do with this unless you're talking about the fact that Lizzie has paid for how well she's done in her life by being poisoned."

"And apparently I don't even know enough to be of any help here. What use could I ever be?"

Will's temper was on enough of a hair trigger that Maureen's sarcasm was the last straw. His face went bright red and he nearly jammed his finger into Maureen's chest as he started screaming at her again. Elizabeth was about ready to pull her hair out with the renewed argument. She eyed Henry, waved at Will and Maureen, and mouthed, " _Do something_."

Henry threw his arms wide in defeat.

"What do you want me to do? I was trying before you came down. You heard how well that worked."

She had heard, and he hadn't been the least bit successful. Elizabeth was trying to determine what recourse they had to stop the fight when Stevie came home. There was no way Stevie could miss the fighting even from the doorway. She took in the situation for a moment before stepping into her parents' office. After she caught her mother's eye she held up a folder from the desk and mimed hitting someone with it. Elizabeth's face lit up and she nodded. Stevie grabbed a second folder and headed into the kitchen. Her aunt and uncle didn't even notice her until she slapped them both over the head with her folders. It stopped the arguing immediately. Apparently they should have tried that a lot earlier. Better yet, the looks of stunned disbelief and startlement on Will and Maureen's faces were priceless and caused Elizabeth to burst into laughter. It didn't take long for the laughing to be mixed with coughing as her lungs protested.

"Babe, you're the only person I know that laughter isn't good for their health," Henry told her as he rubbed her back.

It took a moment, but she managed to get her laughter under control. Despite the fact that her coughing continued, her eyes glittered with the laughter she couldn't give voice to. It warmed Henry more than he could put into words. This was the first time he'd seen laughter and delight from his wife since she'd been poisoned. The life in her in that moment made all the screaming that morning worth it.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

It hadn't been a bad day for once. In fact, it had probably been the least stressful and busy day since Elizabeth had been released from the hospital. Maureen had actually proved useful during her visit. They were caught up on the enormous mountain of laundry and most of the house was clean. Henry had to admit that it had felt really good to leave for work without the weight of undone housework hanging over his head. To make the day even better, Elizabeth had been doing really well that morning. Her coughing had been minimal and she'd even had the energy to walk him to the door. Since she'd been scheduled to start therapy that day it had been good to see her with energy. She was going to need it.

Her therapy appointments were why he'd cancelled his evening office hours and come home early. He would have much rather stayed with her all day since they didn't know how she would handle therapy, but Elizabeth had refused. Henry was really hoping it had gone alright. If it hadn't, he would likely have a hard time keeping Elizabeth's spirits up.

When he got home he found Elizabeth passed out on the couch. Even asleep the occasional cough slipped out. Planning to let her sleep, Henry draped a blanket over her and kissed her temple. Much to Henry's surprise the gentle touch was enough to wake Elizabeth.

"Henry…" she murmured as she pushed herself up.

The coughing started full-fledged almost immediately. Henry sat down next to her and rubbed her back. They'd been told early on that coughing was a normal and expected symptom of Elizabeth's condition. Despite that, Henry couldn't look at the coughing fits as normal. They absolutely broke his heart. The coughing eventually turned into wheezing and slowed to heavy breathing. Once she got some level of control back, Elizabeth looked up at Henry and smiled.

"I'm okay."

In complete opposition of her words she broke down coughing again. This time she was struggling so much to catch her breath that her eyes were watering.

"Easy," Henry soothed. "Don't try to talk anymore."

Elizabeth clung to him as she slowly got her breathing back under control.

"Therapy left you pretty drained, huh? And nodding is fine. I don't want you having another episode."

As much as she didn't want to listen to him, she knew he was right. Ever since the end of her therapy session she'd found that speaking would almost immediately cause coughing. It would be best if she stayed silent, so she nodded in reply.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

She shook her head.

"You sure?"

She nodded and leaned up against him. Now that Henry was home she wanted to spend time with him no matter how tired she was. Henry glanced over at her curiously.

"Therapy went okay otherwise?"

Elizabeth didn't say anything and slid her fingers between his to hold his hand. She hadn't been expecting her therapy sessions to be as challenging as they had been, and worse, none of what they'd done should have been hard. It had put salt on the wounds of just how weak she was now. Henry read the silence and pulled her closer to him.

"It's alright, babe. You'll get there. The whole purpose of therapy is to get you stronger."

Elizabeth nodded against his shoulder, but his words didn't make her feel better. There was a big difference between needing to regain a little bit of strength and skill and what she was actually facing. Words could barely begin to describe all that she had lost. There were a lot of steps to rebuilding a house. Hammering in a nail was a relatively easy one, but she was at the point where simply picking up that nail was a challenge. That left a long way to go to rebuild, and her former life had been more than a small house. Rebuilding that could be like rebuilding a mansion. Henry pat her hand and kissed the top of her head before moving to get up.

"I'll be right back."

Henry came back a moment later with a stack of papers, a pen, and a book. He settled himself sideways on the couch and flipped his legs up onto the cushions. Elizabeth looked at him in confusion but followed his lead. Once she was settled like he was she twined her legs with his.

"You've always wanted to have time for pleasure reading, and now seems like that time. So I figured that while you enjoy a good book I will sit here and grade this wonderful stack of papers. And you definitely shouldn't be jealous of them because they're bound to be terrible."

Elizabeth snorted at him and held her out her hand for the book. Despite what he'd said, she was a little bit jealous of him. He actually had work to do. Her work now consisted solely of therapy. There were moments when it was distinctly frustrating. She was so used to having an endless amount of things to do and wishing she had free time that she didn't know how to fill the excessive amount she currently had. At least she was getting to spend some time with Henry. That was worth it no matter what she was doing.

When Henry next looked up, nearly three papers later, he found Elizabeth slumped against the couch with her eyes closed. Her book was forgotten in her lap. She didn't look overly comfortable so he stacked some pillows on the armrest and lowered Elizabeth down so she was stretched across the couch but still propped up. Thankfully she didn't wake up when he moved her, so Henry returned to his seat on the couch and moved her feet into his lap. He only got through one more paper before their phone rang. It woke Elizabeth, but Henry waved her down and got up to answer it. She stayed where she was and listened carefully to try and figure out what the call was about.

"Sure, send them in," Henry eventually told security over the phone.

He came back toward Elizabeth to explain a moment later, though he didn't have a lot of information to really do any explaining.

"Ellen Hill and her son are here."

Elizabeth lifted her eyebrows in surprise and question.

"I don't know why they're here either," Henry admitted before heading to the door to let them in.

"Ellen, Andrew to what do we owe the pleasure?" he greeted after he'd opened the door for them.

"We heard what happened to the Secretary," Ellen explained. "I wanted to come last week but wasn't able to. I hope we're not inconveniencing you."

"Don't worry about it. It's fine. Why don't you come in?" 

"Thank you."

They stepped inside, and Henry closed the door behind them.

"We brought you some dinner," Andrew told Henry as he held out a foil covered tray. "Hopefully your family likes spaghetti and meatballs. There's garlic bread and salad too."

"Thank you. I'm sure everyone will love it. Cooking hasn't been high on our priority list lately."

Not that it ever had been, but the number of times they ordered in had gone up exponentially since Elizabeth had gotten sick. While Elizabeth hadn't been the one to actually do the cooking before, everyone in the family was busier now that she was sick. There simply weren't enough hours in a day or energy to be had to waste time cooking. They'd basically been living off the food caring friends, family, and co-workers had brought over since Elizabeth had been hospitalized. Most of it was gone by that point, and Henry had to admit he was glad to have more. It was just one less thing to worry about. He set the tray on the island and turned back to Ellen.

"Elizabeth is in the family room. I'm sure she'd love to see you. Just do me a favor and don't let her talk. She had her first therapy sessions today and they exhausted her. Even saying a word or two is too taxing for her lungs right now."

Elizabeth heard the entire exchange and levered herself upright as Ellen came to join her. It might not have been much effort, but it was still enough to cause a small round of coughing. It passed quickly, and she smiled at Ellen.

"I'm hoping I'm not intruding, Ma'am."

"Eliza… beth," she corrected even though it triggered another attack after the first three syllables.

As her coughing and gasping got worse, Henry rushed to her side. He held her and rubbed at her back while she fought to get her breathing under control.

"I told you not to talk."

She glared at him until the coughing finally slowed. The daggers Elizabeth was trying to shoot at him did absolutely nothing. Once Henry was sure she was breathing better he forced her to lie back down and handed her her phone.

"Behave."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him as he retreated back into the kitchen with Andrew. Once he was gone she offered Ellen a reassuring smile. She really was okay. Mostly.

"Elizabeth, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You certainly didn't deserve it," Ellen said.

" _I still don't understand why it happened at all_ ," she typed in reply before handing the phone to Ellen.

"We're still working on that."

Elizabeth nodded. While she wanted to know why someone had thought it was necessary to poison her, having the answer wouldn't really change anything. She would still have to deal with the consequences of pulmonary fibrosis. That wasn't going to magically go away once she had a why.

"We're going to figure it out and punish the people responsible. You have my word."

Elizabeth smiled reassuringly and squeezed Ellen's hand. She believed in her friend completely.

"How are you doing? Really?"

That made Elizabeth want to laugh, and she waved a hand at herself. What Ellen saw was basically what she was going to get. There was no hiding her condition.

" _Admittedly this isn't one of my better moments_."

Ellen read the text and laughed.

"Good to know. Does that mean there's a chance you'll recover?"

That was a loaded question. Her doctors hadn't even been able to answer it to her satisfaction. She'd been told there was a chance of improvement – though no one would admit to how much was possible – but some days she wondered whether there was any chance of getting better. Today was one of those times.

" _God, I hope so_ ," Elizabeth responded in text and hoped she hid her insecurities over the answer.

"Speaking for myself, I would really like to see you back. And I know I'm not the only one. You're needed."

While Elizabeth figured that was completely true, she also got the sense there was an ulterior motive behind Ellen's words. Her eyes glittered as she typed out her question. The whole time she had to fight not to laugh so she wouldn't trigger her cough. It took everything she had to keep it contained when she handed her phone to Ellen.

" _Deputy Cushings already driving you nuts_?"

"I've only worked with him once and I already want to have him removed."

Elizabeth lifted an eyebrow in question. She knew Cushings wasn't the most inspired thinker, but he was competent and generally even keeled. What could he have possibly done to cause such a strong reaction from Ellen?

"He acts like he has your job permanently and that he did something to earn it. Irks me, if you couldn't tell."

" _My staff said the same thing_."

"For my sake, and for the sake of the whole country really, you need to get better. That man might drive all of the competent people in multiple departments to retire."

A smile split Elizabeth's sake as she handed over her clearly teasing response.

 _"Well, I certainly can't let that utter catastrophe happen."_

"Of course you can't." Ellen's expression sobered a moment later. "In all seriousness though, Ma'am. You're the best Secretary of State I've seen in a long time. The country needs you at the helm of the State Department. Someone else could take your place, but they couldn't fill your shoes. We need you."


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

A few days after Ellen and Andrew had stopped by, the McCords received another pair of visitors. These ones didn't come at a sensible hour however. It was past ten o'clock when Henry got the call from security. Normally that wouldn't have been much of a problem. Even the kids were still awake at ten. Now, however, Elizabeth went to bed much earlier than she had previously. She had long since been asleep.

"Conrad. Russell. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Henry asked after he'd let them inside.

"We wanted to check on Bess and share some information with the two of you," Conrad returned.

"And you're sure it can't wait? It's after ten. Elizabeth is already asleep."

"This is something she's going to want to hear," Russell explained. "I think it's important enough to wake her."

Henry wasn't so sure he believed that. His list of reasons to wake up his wife was pretty short. Even with a full night's sleep Elizabeth fought exhaustion every day. It definitely didn't make Henry want to reduce her rest.

"We know who did this, Henry, and why," Conrad added.

Henry rubbed at his neck as he considered what Conrad had said. It was something that had been frustrating Elizabeth for the entire week. They were definitely right that Elizabeth would want to hear the answers Conrad and Russell could provide. That didn't necessarily mean it was worth waking her up to find out though. A few extra hours of not knowing, especially when she wasn't awake to think about the questions, wouldn't hurt. Of course if she found out Henry had sent Conrad away when he had those answers for her she would be furious. It took Henry a while to make a decision.

"Alright. She's upstairs. Follow me."

He wasn't about to have Elizabeth drag herself back downstairs. She probably wouldn't be overly appreciative of him allowing the President to meet with her while she was in bed, but she would get over it. So would the President if he wanted to see her.

They had just reached the top of the steps when Stevie walked out of her room. She was already in her pajamas and froze like a deer in headlights when she saw them. This was so not how she wanted her boss to be seeing her.

"Mr. Jackson. President Dalton. Um, what are you doing here?"

"We're here to talk to your mother," Russell replied.

Stevie's forehead furrowed in confusion. Late night visits had always been pretty rare. The fact that her mother wasn't even working at the moment made Russell's explanation even more unusual.

"But mom's already asleep."

"So your father told us."

"And you're going to wake her up anyway."

"It's alright, Stevie," Henry reassured. This is something your mother would want to be woken up for."

"Okay. Do you need anything?"

"No, Stevie. Thank you though."

He squeezed his daughter's shoulder before continuing on to his bedroom. Even though he'd soon be waking Elizabeth up, he pushed open the door quietly. When he reached her side she looked so peaceful he almost couldn't bring himself to wake her. A glance at the doorway where the President waited reminded him that he needed to.

"Elizabeth," Henry said as he shook her shoulder.

She woke slowly and coughed a few times as she came back to consciousness.

"Don't kill me, but the President's here to see you."

"What?"

She immediately tried to push herself upright so she could get out of bed. Henry helped her into a sitting position. While he stacked pillows behind her back she spotted Conrad and Russell in the doorway. Realizing that this meeting would be happening right where she was, Elizabeth collapsed back against the pillows to conserve what little energy she had. It was already too late to argue. Henry settled himself next to her as Conrad and Russell came further into the room.

"You look like hell, Bess," Russell told her as his eyes darted over her sunken eyes and the oxygen line running from her nose.

"You woke me up to tell me that?" Elizabeth growled. "Henry, do me a favor and throw something at him, would you? I don't have the energy to do it myself."

"He's the President's Chief of Staff, babe. Pretty sure I'd get in trouble for that."

"You can… blame… it on… me," she wheezed.

She was already out of breath and it pissed her off. It just made Henry worried.

"Don't push yourself too hard."

"Can't even… hold a… damn… conversation."

Henry took her hand and squeezed, but that was the best he could offer her. He could barely imagine how frustrating this must be for her. There was nothing he could say that would make it better.

"I'm sorry we're intruding in your home and that we woke you up, Bess," Conrad began. "But we have some information about what happened to you that I think you're going to want to hear."

"You do?" Elizabeth asked, perking up a bit as she did.

"Do either of you know an Estevan Sanchez?"

Elizabeth dug through her brain to see if that name rang any bells but came up with nothing. She shook her head. Henry did the same.

"Is he the one who poisoned Elizabeth?"

"He's definitely the one who orchestrated it," Russell grumbled. "Malcontent idiot who thought it would get him what he wanted. Or at least punish the person he thought was responsible. Not that he got the right person."

"I can't exactly say that Russell's wrong in that assessment. Sanchez is a US citizen, but he has strong connections with South America, particularly Brazil. He has a lot of family there. According to his FBI interrogator he was highly displeased with the lack of support the US was giving to irrigation initiatives in South America. In his own words, you were abandoning South American agriculture and therefore all of the people in South America to the whims of a future drought."

"We have a billion… initiatives in those… countries. I don't have that… big of a role."

Most of the proposals for foreign aid packages and initiatives were reviewed and decided upon by various task groups within her staff. Usually she got a brief overview, if that, and signed the packages. There was very little direct involvement from her. Apparently none of that mattered because she'd been poisoned for it anyway. It was so hard for her to even fathom. She'd been left with a permanent, potentially progressive and fatal medical condition for this?

"How did this guy even get poison into the State Department?" Henry demanded. "The entire building is packed with security measures. Elizabeth has her own security detail for God's sake. How the hell did this happen?"

The question ripped out of him in a nearly uncontrolled rage. Elizabeth had been expecting to see anger from Henry over her condition, so she wasn't very surprised despite its vehemence. He hated losing control and all he'd ever wanted was to protect her. Honestly she'd been expecting the anger sooner. She reached out and gripped Henry's hand to try and ground him.

"He has a friend who worked in the Truman Building's cafeteria. They had the whole thing planned out and were just waiting for the right opportunity."

"Do you not background check these people?!"

"Of course we do," Russell replied in annoyance. "Even the thorough checks we do on people's pasts wouldn't have turned up something like that."

Henry ground his teeth and looked away. He hated that answer even though he knew it was the truth. Without any prior actions there was no way to know what someone might do when they decided it was necessary.

"You get them both?" Henry finally ground out.

"They're both in custody and going to be prosecuted fully. Attempted murder of the Secretary of State? They'll never see the light of day again."

Henry nodded but internally nothing would make up for what had happened.

"Thank you, Conrad."

"Of course, Bess. I just wish we could have prevented this before it happened. We'll leave you to rest and recover."

"I'll show you out," Henry said as he slid off the bed.

He waved Conrad and Russell out the door before him and followed them down the steps. Conrad paused in the kitchen and turned back to look at Henry. He considered everything he had seen upstairs before saying anything.

"Was that normal?"

Personally Henry didn't consider any of this normal, but he understood what the President was getting at.

"This was actually a really good day. She wasn't coughing very much, and she had a lot of energy for this late in the evening."

"And the tubing?" Conrad asked as he motioned to his own face.

"Supplemental oxygen. She uses it 24 hours a day, though her doctors and therapists want to wean her off it. They're hoping therapy will increase her strength and endurance. They're also trying to find the right medication routine to get more oxygen through her lungs and into her body. Even if all of that works, they've made it pretty clear this isn't something she'll ever fully recover from."

Those were words neither Henry nor Elizabeth typically spoke out loud. Both of them hoped if nobody said it they could deny it was true. Partially at least.

"Have they discussed anything about her chance of returning to work?"

Already irritated with the fact that he'd had to admit, and therefore face, the fact that Elizabeth would never recover, Henry's patience and control were stretched thin. He didn't have it in him to be political with his answer.

"Honestly, Conrad, that's not something I'm concerned about. I know Elizabeth probably wants to get back because she loves her job, but the real priority is getting the attacks under control. Not suffocating is a bit more important than the State Department."

"No one's saying it's not, Henry," Russell said in an attempt to placate him.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just… you have no idea what it's like to watch your wife's lips turn blue as she gasps for breath."

Conrad had thought the use of the word suffocating had simply been Henry being overly dramatic as a way to make a point. Realizing it hadn't been an exaggeration at all caused his chest to contract. He swallowed hard and met Henry's eyes with pain in his own.

"You're right. I don't. And I'm sorry you know what that feels like and that Bess has to experience it. I really hope her doctors can get her back on her feet again. For all of our sakes."

"Thanks, Conrad."

"We'll show ourselves out and let you get back to your wife. Tell her not to worry about the State Department and to focus on her health."

"I will."

They were nearly out the door when Russell shouted back at him, "And keep us updated!"

Henry didn't even get the chance to respond before the door closed behind them. Shaking his head, he started back upstairs. He was expecting to find Elizabeth asleep when he got back. Instead he found her beautiful blue eyes watching him the moment he walked through the door. He slipped into bed next to her and pulled her close so she could lean against him. She snuggled into his side.

"Conrad wants you to know that you should focus on you and not worry about work."

She nodded against his shoulder and draped an arm over his waist. They'd learned a lot that night, and being with her husband was the balm she needed. From the tension she was feeling in his body he could use it too.

"You're taking this all really well."

"Had time to process it."

"Really? Because I think even if I had more time to process it I would still be pissed."

Yes, she had gotten that sense from him already. Not that she could really blame him. She was rather pissed too.

"Not exactly happy myself."

"Yeah, well, I want to kill him. Him and everyone else who was involved in this."

"That's not going to fix my lungs, Henry."

As much as it hurt, no amount of punishment for Sanchez and his co-conspirator would fix what had been done to her. Anger wouldn't either. Elizabeth watched the tension flare and dissipate in Henry's jaw. He definitely didn't like her answer. The gears in his mind were clearly churning, but he stayed silent. Elizabeth gave him some time to process, though it didn't do much good. He was still keeping his thoughts totally locked down.

"What is it, Henry?"

His jaw worked a little bit longer before he finally got words out.

"How do you do it? How do you just keep going like he didn't take the rest of your life and tear it apart?"

Elizabeth smiled. Sometimes she wondered that herself. The answer always came down to the same thing.

"Because I'm not going to let this be the end. I refuse to."


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Boredom had become a huge part of Elizabeth's life. Outside of therapy she really didn't have a lot to do. Sometimes that was good considering she didn't have a lot of energy. Other days she had no idea what to do with herself. Today, however, her therapist had given her a way to fill the hours between therapy and when Henry returned home. She was still camped out in the office busy imputing when she heard the front door open. After a bit of scrambled typing she hit a button on her phone and a computerized voice spoke.

"Welcome home, Henry."

Henry stopped dead in his tracks outside of their office. He hadn't known what to expect when he'd heard that "voice," but it definitely wasn't the cat who at the canary look from his wife. Obviously the voice had come from her, but he didn't have any idea how.

"Babe, what are you doing?"

She beamed at him before glancing down at her phone again. Before long the computerized voice returned.

"Welcoming you home."

"What on earth is that?" Henry asked of the noise.

Elizabeth chuckled even though she knew it would quickly turn into a cough, which it did. She got it back under control before Henry even reached her. He nudged her leg with his knee to get her to share the chair. Elizabeth stood so he could take the chair and then settled herself into his lap.

"It's my new toy."

"New toy?"

"An app," Elizabeth explained as she opened it to show him. "I'd told Chris a few sessions ago that when I have a particularly bad day I basically can't speak at all because of the coughing."

Henry tried to keep up with what she was saying, but she was already starting to lose him. This was the most enthusiastic he'd seen her about anything in a while. It was wonderful to see her like this, so he didn't mind too much that he had no real idea what she was talking about. Honestly he was surprised she was managing to get so much out without needing a breathing break. Hopefully it wouldn't trigger the same situation she was talking about.

"Which one is that again? Chris?"

"My occupational therapist."

"Ah, right. Sorry. I get them all confused."

She waved it off. She had quite a few therapists, and Henry had only met each one briefly. Which therapist wasn't even the important part of the whole thing. What he'd gotten for her was.

"Anyway, he did some thinking on the not being able to communicate thing and finally came up with this."

"And it reads what you type?"

"A little bit more than that, but yes. If it only read what I typed it would take forever, even with the word prediction feature."

That might explain why Elizabeth sounded so excited about this. So far Henry didn't really understand it. Of course he had no idea what it really did either.

"So what else can it do?"

"It can store key phrases and things I have to say a lot so all I have to do is hit a button. Watch this."

A quick scroll through, a tap, and "stop pestering your brother" rang out. Another tap had "stop annoying your sister" followed it. Henry couldn't help laughing.

"You could definitely be using those a lot."

"I know, right? That's why I put them on there even though there isn't a lot of space. There's another one I think I'll use more though."

Her eyes were absolutely glittering as she looked up at him through her eyelashes. The quirked smile gracing her lips was just as seductive.

"I bet I can guess what it is," Henry whispered as he tugged her closer.

"Oh you do, do you?"

"Mmm," he murmured.

He leaned in and kissed the side of her neck, then gently nipped the skin for good measure. It caused an adorable little squeak to slip out of her. That sound made him really wish he could do more, but he would have to settle for what he'd already gotten. They both knew that the risk was too great at the moment. Elizabeth needed to get stronger before they even considered it. He forced his desires down and focused on what had triggered them in the first place.

"I'd much rather hear it from your voice, but I think I could handle hearing it through your phone when the other way isn't possible."

"I love you, Henry."

"See? Much better than a computerized voice."

Elizabeth kissed his jaw and told him she loved him again.

"I bet you could put that on repeat on your app too," Henry laughed.

Elizabeth grinned in response. She could probably figure that out or at least keep hitting "read" over and over again.

"So was messing with your phone all you did in therapy today?"

He'd meant it as a joke and got the swat he'd been expecting right away.

"No. I learned some good tricks for conserving my energy when I'm getting ready in the morning, and we did some work without the oxygen too."

"Yeah? How did that go?"

The light that had been in her eyes after his teasing swiftly extinguished. She looked down and curled herself against his chest. It told Henry everything he needed to know. He slid his arms around her and held her tight. The moment he did she buried her head against the crook of his neck. There was a gasp of breath that Henry thought was the start of a choked back sob. It was only once, and when she spoke it didn't sound like she was about to cry. That was good. Crying was another thing that was really bad for her breathing, and he'd always hated seeing her cry.

"Badly."

"I got that feeling. What happened?"

"I was supposed to start in the family room, loop around the kitchen table, and come back to the couch. By the time I got to the table I was having a hard time catching my breath. Barely halfway around my oxygen levels tanked, and he stopped me."

"Oh, babe. I'm sorry."

"We'd been trying some sitting and standing things without my oxygen the last few times and that had gone okay."

Sort of, at least. Chris had seemed pleased, though personally Elizabeth hadn't considered the lengths of time she'd lasted as anything spectacular. She'd always wanted to push a lot further despite the readings on her pulse ox. Chris was constantly reminding her of her numbers and the risks of going too far. His biggest warning was that if she didn't pay attention to her numbers she could deplete herself to the point that she wouldn't have the functionality left even to press her emergency button. Elizabeth understood it and tried to listen to his warnings, but it was so hard to accept how low her limits were. She'd been the one to set such a high goal for the day despite Chris' attempts to convince her into something shorter. She'd refused to see reason. At the time she'd thought it couldn't hurt to try, and she'd been confident she could make it. She'd been wrong on both counts.

"I pushed for it," she whispered. "I could tell by the look on his face that he knew it would be too much, but I wouldn't take no for an answer. He was right. It was too much. Something as small as walking around the table and I couldn't do it, Henry."

She didn't have to say how frustrated it made her or how much it made her want to cry. Henry knew without needing to hear the words.

"I know. I'm sorry. I wish I could make it better for you right now, but it's going to take time. You've only had a week of therapy."

"A week and a half," she shot back rather petulantly.

"Either way, that's not long enough to fix everything."

"Stop being so reasonable."

"Then I am absolutely outraged they haven't managed to completely cure you after such a ridiculously long length of time."

Now that was what she had wanted to hear. Elizabeth laughed and gave him a quick kiss.

"Much better."

"Glad you approve," he told her and then gave her back a quick pat. "Come on. Let's go get dinner started, or at least look through the take out menus and decide what we want."

"Or that."

It did seem to be their fall back answer to dinner. Simplicity worked. Elizabeth shifted herself off Henry's lap and stood up. The second she was on her feet the edges of her vision flickered black and she got incredibly lightheaded. Henry noticed the change and shot out of his chair to catch her. She clutched at him as he lowered her into the chair he'd just left.

"Elizabeth?"

"I'm okay."

But she didn't look okay. Her face was terribly white and she wasn't focusing correctly. She seemed to be looking past him and not at him. No matter what she said, Henry was worried about her. He unclipped the pulse ox from her oxygen concentrator and slid it onto her finger. While he waited for the little device to read out her heart rate and blood oxygen levels he ran his hands up and down her arms. It had always seemed to soothe her. The pulse ox beeped, and Henry glanced down at it.

"93%."

It wasn't low enough for them to really worry about, but Henry wasn't happy with the number either. She should have been in the high 90s with the oxygen on.

"Low, but as long as it comes back up it's okay."

"Hush and focus on your breathing. It's all that talking that probably did it. That and you getting yourself a bit worked up."

He was probably right about that, and she hated it. All it did was drive home how little she could do. Normalcy felt very far away in moments like this. Her eyes darkened.

"Elizabeth, maybe it's time for you to start thinking about talking to someone. It might help you process everything that's happened and cope with it. I can't imagine how hard this is for you."

She sighed and shook her head. The last thing she wanted was to talk to more people about what her life was going to look like in the future. It definitely wasn't looking like a pretty future. She tried to ignore it even though it wasn't something she could truly escape. There was always the chance that she wouldn't make any significant progress.

"I'm going, you know. To a support group. They're supposed to be really helpful."

Shock ripped through Elizabeth. Henry was going to a support group? She'd known a lot had been placed on his shoulders after she'd been poisoned, and she'd seen what that weight had done to him. From what she could tell, he'd been handling it alright. At least alright enough that she hadn't thought he'd needed mental help to cope. Maybe she had underestimated just how much the extra responsibilities were getting to him.

"I'm so sorry, Henry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault. Think about talking to someone. For me. Okay?"

Elizabeth nodded. For him she would at least consider it, though she knew it wasn't something she was ever likely to agree to do.

"Good." He tapped the read out on her pulse ox. "Your numbers are better. Let's go figure out dinner."

That sounded like a good idea. She could focus on dinner for now and deal with the fact that Henry was in therapy because of her later.

* * *

 _Author's Note: Anyone who has heard of OT raise your hand! Nobody? Yeah, that's what I figured. I did rather enjoy throwing a little shout out to my profession into this story, especially since I'm a new grad and having my first full time job is what made this story take so long before it was ready._


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

The crowd was growing, and Jason didn't care. He'd lost all control. All of the anger and pain was finally being released in one big explosion.

"You have no idea how lucky you are! Stop whining and take out the trash or clean up your dinner dishes or whatever the hell else your mom is asking you to do. It's not that hard!"

All of his classmates were staring at him in profound shock. None of them were more startled than the boy he'd gone off on. He was staring at Jason with wide eyes and an open mouth. Jason hadn't paused long enough for him to get a single word in to defend himself. Still absolutely fuming, Jason probably wouldn't have stopped at all if one of the teachers hadn't stepped in and grabbed his shoulder.

"Jason! Jason, that's enough!"

He fell silent and stood there panting and red faced. This was not going to end well for him, and he knew it. Before he was told anything he turned and headed off toward the office.

"Jason, where do you think you're going?"

"To the office. I'm sure that's where you're sending me, right?"

His tone was probably going to get him in even more trouble, but at the moment he didn't care.

"Let's go then," his teacher said and followed him down to see the principal.

It was as they were walking toward the office that Jason realized how bad the situation actually was. Not for him. He wasn't worried about what happened to him. It was his mom he was concerned about. He stopped dead in the middle of the hallway. Desperate, pleading eyes turned on his teacher.

"Promise me you won't call my mom. She can't handle it and there's no way she could walk all the way here. Please just have them call my dad. Please," Jason begged.

The thought of what could happen to his mother if she tried to make her way into the school terrified him. She would never make it without having breathing problems even if she did have the energy to walk the whole way. He hadn't wanted to cause any trouble for her or risk her getting sicker because of him. If that happened he would be furious with himself.

O . o . O . o . O

"Your son's in the guidance office. Considering the situation with your wife, I thought he would be better served talking to his counselor instead of me. From what I understand of what happened, Jason's behavior was likely related to his mother's condition."

"I appreciate it," Henry told the principal. "It's been a rough few weeks for all of us."

When they stepped into the main part of the office Henry was able to spot Jason in one of the side offices. His son was slumped down low in his chair. Even though Henry couldn't see his face he could tell Jason was upset just from how ruffled his hair was. His son had a habit of dragging his hands through his hair when he was stressed.

"Jas."

The moment Jason heard his father's voice he shot out of his chair and turned to face him.

"Dad. Thank God. They told me they called you and not mom, but I wasn't sure if I believed it."

"It's alright, buddy. Mom doesn't know. Not yet at least."

Whether or not she would find out at all was still up in the air. It would depend on what Jason said. While Henry hated keeping things from his wife, at the moment he had to consider her well-being. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel guilty about how much her condition was affecting Jason and blame herself for his behavior. It definitely wasn't her fault. Henry wasn't even sure he could blame Jason for his actions. So far his son had been holding it together incredibly well. One little break was hardly unexpected.

"After talking to your guidance counselor, Jason, I think we both agree that your actions can be forgiven considering what is going on at home."

"Thank you, Principal Hinkley," Jason replied quietly.

"Yes, thank you. We really appreciate it. I know Jason didn't mean to lose his cool. We've all been under a lot of strain lately and it's starting to show."

"Understandable. Jason will still need to serve two days of detention. For now, take the rest of the day."

Jason nodded his agreement to that. He could handle two days of detention, and it would be easy enough to hide from his mother.

"Do you need to grab anything, Jas?"

"A few things, yeah."

"Go grab them and we'll get out of here," Henry said as he squeezed Jason's shoulders.

Jason headed off to his locker, and Henry stuck his hands in his pockets. He wasn't sure what he was going to do to help Jason. Somehow he would have to figure it out between now and when they got home.

Jason didn't say a word the whole way out of the school, and his silence continued on the drive home. Henry kept glancing over at him, but Jason wasn't giving him anything. His body language told Henry enough though. They really needed to talk. Instead of going home, Henry pulled into a Shake Shack parking lot. Once he'd parked he turned toward Jason.

"Alright, buddy. Talk to me."

"We can't get a milkshake first?"

"Consider it a reward for telling me what happened."

Yeah, Jason had figured it wouldn't be that easy to stall his dad. He sighed and pushed himself more upright, though he wound up ducking his head and staring at his hands clasped in his lap anyway.

"I overheard one of the guys in my grade complaining in the hallway between classes. He just kept… whining about how he had to do all this stupid, little stuff to help his mom."

"Stuff like what Mom used to ask you to do, and you would rail against doing every time?" Henry asked.

He had to fight not to smile at the irony. Despite that Henry understood where this was going, and it already hurt.

"Yeah. That type of stuff. He doesn't… he doesn't get how good he has it." Jason paused and tried to fight back tears, but lost. He could barely get his next words out around the lump in his throat. "I want that back, Dad."

Henry reached over and hugged his son as best he could across the front seats.

"I know, buddy," he whispered into Jason's ear. "I do too."

He would do anything if they could all go back to that time. Both he and Elizabeth would be happy to go back to nagging Jason to clean his room and take out the trash if it meant her lungs were healthy. Unfortunately there was no way to go back.

"We can only do the best we can with what we have right now."

"I know," Jason said as he wiped his eyes. "And it sucks."

"No denying that." He gave Jason's knee a pat. "Come on. Let's get some shakes."

"Can I get a large?"

"You're pushing it a little, don't you think?"

"Hey, I had to try. The whole "talk and I'll get you a shake" thing is a pretty cheap trick after all."

Henry gave his son's shoulder a shove and headed for the drive thru. They got their shakes and camped out in the parking lot. It did them both good to spend some time out of the house and away from the reminders of how their lives had changed. They hadn't gotten any father and son time since Elizabeth had been poisoned either. It was nice to spend time together and not focus on Elizabeth's health. Hopefully the time would do Jason some good. It was certainly doing that for Henry. Will had been reminding him to make sure he took time for himself ever since Elizabeth had come home from the hospital. Henry had to admit that Will had been right. It hadn't been that long, and he was already feeling better even though the outing had initially started with Jason being in trouble at school.

There had been a smile on Jason's face for most of the outing too, and Henry had even heard a laugh or two. As they started getting closer to home though Jason's smile began to fade. When Henry pulled in and parked Jason was back to staring at his hands. He eventually looked up, a nervous flicker in his eyes.

"Are you going to tell Mom?"

"I think we can skip telling Mom about this."

"Thanks."

They climbed out of the car and headed inside. As they came through the kitchen Elizabeth stood up from the couch to greet them. Their time getting shakes had pushed their arrival time back to when Jason would realistically be getting home from school, so Elizabeth didn't suspect anything. At least not until Jason grabbed her up in a tight hug. He clung to her and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Jas? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

His voice sounded scratchy despite his assurance that everything was fine. While Elizabeth rubbed Jason's back, she looked over at Henry in question. Henry smiled and shook his head, which told Elizabeth nothing.

"You sure, baby?"

"Yeah," he promised before giving her a tight squeeze and letting go. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied, but Jason was already up the steps before she'd even finished the second word.

She glanced at Henry for more answers. Henry ran his hands up and down her arms to soothe her, and she rested her head against his chest.

"He's fine, babe. Rough day at school is all."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

He kissed her temple and took a step back to evaluate her. It didn't look like she was doing too badly, but he didn't like her coloring.

"Have you eaten, babe? You look really pale."

"A little bit."

He knew her too well for her to get away with that fib.

"Meaning no, you haven't really eaten anything."

She sighed, which quickly turned into a short coughing fit. As it faded she leaned against him again.

"I'm so achy today. Everything hurts, even eating."

"Did you take something for it? Even Advil or Tylenol would probably make your joints feel better."

"No. I'm on enough medications as it is."

"Elizabeth… You've lost enough weight as it is too. You need to be in a state where you can eat."

He didn't know what to do with her, and it was a terrible feeling. He hated how thin she was getting. It didn't matter that it was a common symptom of pulmonary fibrosis.

"Guess I should have brought you a milkshake."

At the mention of missing milkshakes Elizabeth swatted his chest.

"You got shakes and didn't get me one? Oh, Henry, that's cruel."

"Ahh, clearly I wasn't thinking straight. Sorry, babe. I'll make it up to you."

"You better," she groused.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

There were some days Henry thought the Caregiver Support Group was really helpful. Everyone there knew what it was like to have to take care of a sick loved one. While the diagnoses varied, many of the experiences were similar. They had all come to realized just what being a caregiver meant. Henry had thought he'd understood before Elizabeth's poisoning. While not written literally, caring for his wife had been part of his wedding vows. He'd taken care of her when she'd been too sick to get off the couch and had catered to her every whim when she'd been pregnant and exhausted. None of that was anything like what being a real caregiver was like. That was why Henry had joined the support group. Because it could get very overwhelming. Most days going there helped. He got advice and didn't feel so alone. There were a few days though that being with the group was hard. Today was one of those days.

As he listened to one of the members speak all he wanted to do was turn his ears off. It was a fight not to curl over and hide his face in his hands.

Sam had been with the group for a long time and had been caring for her husband a lot longer than Henry had been caring for Elizabeth. Listening to her felt like he was seeing a glimpse of his future, and it scared him.

"I don't mind helping Max. I love him and I would do anything for him. But… sometimes I just… wish I could have my own life, you know? Everything I do, every choice I make, revolves around his illness. Even when I take time for myself I'm still aware of what it means for him. You never truly escape."

One of the other members nodded.

"Their illness is just as much yours as it is theirs. There's no way to ever forget that. Even when you aren't focused on helping them it's there because you feel guilty for leaving them to someone else."

"Their illness takes your life too."

Henry's chest tightened horribly. Resentment. He could hear it in their voices and read it between the lines of their words. There was some part of all of them that resented their loved one for forcing them into the life they were in – a life fully dedicated to caring for another. Years and years of it, many times without an end. It would be hard not to have some level of resentment. None of them were discussing how to keep it from happening either. It was like they had all accepted that it was inevitable and were moving on. Henry hated that. Was there actually a way to prevent it though? He had no idea. Taking time for yourself was supposed to help prevent burnout, which Henry assumed would also hold off some level of resentment. Unfortunately it didn't sound like taking time for yourself really worked. He could understand why too. There had already been times for him where he'd felt guilty for not being around to help Elizabeth. It would always be a reminder that he could go back to his life and escape while she would remain trapped.

The conversation among the group was continuing, but Henry was still lost on the last topic. His mind wouldn't let it go until he had an answer. There had to be something. Spending time together would help, but he wouldn't escape Elizabeth's illness that way either. What they could do would be limited by it, and no matter what they chose it would still be front and center. The more Henry thought about it, the more he wondered if they were right. There was no way to forget or even just ignore how sick Elizabeth was. It would always be there, which meant he would always have to care for her. All of the paths seemed to lead where he didn't want to go.

When the group ended Henry headed out right away. Normally he would stick around afterward and talk one on one with a few of the other members who he'd become close to. Today it was the last thing he wanted to do. He still hadn't found any good answers, and it was gnawing at him. Since Elizabeth had been poisoned Henry had tried really hard not to let the future feel bleak. Now it looked like bleak was inevitable, and for a reason he hadn't even considered before. There were some moments where it just felt like too much. This was one of them. The second that thought went through his head he realized it was thoughts like those that would be precursors to coming to resent his wife. A vice closed over his chest, and he didn't know how to loosen it. Coming to resent his wife was beginning to feel unavoidable too.

Henry was still mulling over the problem even when he got home. While he still wanted to find an answer – if there even was one – the problem had to wait for a moment. If Elizabeth saw any indication of distress on his face she would grill him about it, and he didn't want that. She didn't need to face what was going on in his head. It was bad enough in one head.

"Anybody home?"

"In here, Dad," Alison called.

He found Alison and Elizabeth curled up on the couch watching TV. They both looked incredibly content, which made Henry smile.

"What are you two watching?"

"The Project Runway marathon."

"So sorry I missed it."

"No you're not."

Okay, so he definitely wasn't sorry he'd missed it. Elizabeth was probably enjoying it about as much as he would, which was to say not at all. He was pretty sure she was watching it just to spend time with Alison.

"Where are Stevie and Jason?"

"Jason's upstairs facetiming Piper obviously. Stevie's out with friends. She said she'd be home later."

"Henry?" Elizabeth asked. "Do you have a lot to do tonight?"

"No, babe. You need something?"

"Will you help me upstairs? I'm really tired."

Alison turned to stare at her mother incredulously.

"Why didn't you tell me you were tired? I would have brought you upstairs if you had asked."

"I know you would have, baby. I wanted to spend some time with you no matter how tired I was."

That touched Ali, and she leaned in to hug her mom. When she let go, she smiled.

"Thank you, but you should go to sleep if you're tired. I don't want you exhausting yourself for me. We can spend time together whenever you want."

"Thank you, Noodle. Goodnight," Elizabeth told her as she dragged herself off the couch.

Henry slid an arm around her and led her upstairs. It took almost everything Elizabeth had left in her to make it to their bedroom. She had to rest on the bench at the food of their bed before she could even consider continuing to get ready for bed. Her fatigue always made it a long process.

O . o . O . o . O

"Dad, if it's not a bad time, do you have a minute so we can talk?" Stevie asked as she walked into her parents' room later that night.

It was only after she finished her question that she looked up from her phone and took in the room. Henry was leaning against the headboard and a stack of pillows while Elizabeth rested against his chest. Elizabeth was sleeping peacefully other than her coughing. Henry had his arms wrapped around her and looked completely content. He glanced up in surprise at Stevie's question.

"Um, sure, Stevie."

He shifted slightly to get up before Stevie held up a hand to stop him.

"Actually, that was a stupid question because it's clearly a bad time. I shouldn't have bothered you."

Henry smiled at his daughter and held his wife tighter as he shifted further upright.

"No, really. It's okay. Just give me one second."

"Uh, okay. If you're sure."

Very carefully Henry slid off the bed, trying to move Elizabeth as little as possible. Once he was out of the way he settled her back against the pillows. The move aggravated her cough, but she didn't wake. That was good. Once he was sure she was alright, Henry headed to his daughter.

"Come on. Let's go to your room."

He rested a hand on her shoulder and guided her out. When they got to her room Stevie left her desk chair for her dad and made herself comfortable on the end of her bed. As Henry sat down Stevie couldn't help watching him. Even though he was here to listen to her, he looked like he could use someone to talk to also. His eyes only became dull and hooded like that when he had a lot on his mind, particularly when he was keeping something hidden. She would try to get to the bottom of that once she dealt with her own problems. First she had to figure out how to explain though.

"I could really use some advice. It's about work."

"Russell giving you hell since your mother's not there for him to torment?"

"No. He's, uh, actually being nice to me, which is kind of scary."

"Take it as a brief reprieve," Henry said with a laugh.

Stevie grinned in response, though it was rather strained. She would find it a lot more amusing if the actual problem wasn't still hanging around but unspoken.

"Yeah, I'm trying to do that. It's kind of creepy, but it's something I can live with. That's not actually the problem though. He's asked for updates on Mom a few times, and…"

"And you don't know what to tell him."

Stevie nodded as tears built up behind her eyes. She hated even thinking what she was thinking, but she had to know. No matter how much it hurt. She swallowed hard before speaking.

"Mom's not really… getting any better. Is she?"

For a while Henry just stared at the ground as he tried to figure out how to respond. Her question didn't have a good answer, and he wasn't sure if he could spin it at all to make it sound better.

"You don't have to protect me, Dad," Stevie told him. "Just give it to me straight."

"She's making small improvements, and by small I mean so small that you wouldn't notice if you weren't looking closely. Her energy levels are up a little bit, she's making it a few more steps without supplemental oxygen before her levels drop, and her coughing fits are getting shorter. The bad ones at least."

"So basically just things Russell wouldn't call progress."

"Pretty much."

"Got it. I'll keep trying to hold him off until I have something to tell him that he will consider real improvement." She paused for a second and eyed her father closely. "Now do you want to tell me what's going on with you?"

"With me? Nothing's going on with me."

"Oh my God, Dad. You and Mom are both such terrible liars. Even Ali said you were acting weird when you got home from the support group. What happened?"

"You and your sister are far too observant."

"And Jason. You can't completely count him out. He's not always clueless."

Henry couldn't help chuckling. She was definitely right about that. Jason could surprise them sometimes.

"You're not escaping this conversation, you know," Stevie warned him.

The smile left Henry's face, and he rubbed his hands together in unease. He wasn't sure if this was something he should be sharing with his daughter, adult or not. She really looked like she was planning to wait him out instead of letting this go though. Eventually he sighed and gave in.

"The discussion at group today was all about how once a loved one gets sick you don't have a life of your own anymore. No one actually said the word, but resentment was definitely there. That feeling seems almost inevitable. Going to group is supposed to be helping, but when I see people who have been doing this longer than I have, I worry that one day I'm going to come to resent my loved one too."

Stevie looked at him incredulously. That was what he was worried about? She didn't even have to think about it to have an answer.

"You won't."

"You can't know that for sure."

"Are you kidding? Sure I can. You love her too much to ever resent her."

"I'm pretty sure everyone in that support group loves the person they're caring for, Stevie."

They probably did, but as Stevie had gotten older she'd come to realize how special the love between her parents actually was. It was far beyond what most people shared.

"Probably, but look at everything you and Mom have been through. Nothing's broken you apart."

"This is different," Henry insisted. "And either way, there's a first time for everything."

"But it's not completely different. You're so worried that you won't have a life of your own and you'll resent Mom for it, but you didn't have a life that was truly your own before Mom got sick. Her job pretty much made that impossible. You already know what that's like. If Mom choosing to become the Secretary of State and changing your life with it didn't make you resent her, then you won't resent her now when both of your lives have changed because of something she didn't choose."

Henry stared at Stevie with his mouth agape. He'd been thinking about this problem for hours and he hadn't managed to come up with anything that gave him hope. His daughter had managed to do it in a matter of minutes. Everything she'd said made complete sense, and it lifted a huge weight off of Henry.

"Thank you, Stevie. That perspective really helped. How did you get so smart?"

"I'm a McCord. I've always been this smart."


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Henry felt like a complete liar. Only a few days ago he'd told Stevie that Elizabeth's worst coughing fits were resolving faster. She'd been coughing lightly most of the day, which hadn't worried Henry. Coughing had long since been accepted as a new normal. They all just ignored it. As the day went on though, her coughing got a lot worse.

"Check her oxygen levels if you're that worried," Will told Henry. "But it's pretty normal for coughing to be at its worst early in the morning and late at night."

He'd stopped in for the weekend to help keep an eye on Elizabeth and give Henry a break. As hard as it was for him to see Elizabeth so sick, he needed to be here. There was only so much he could learn over the phone. He considered it his job to use his medical expertise and to do whatever he could to get his sister back on her feet. Part of that job also involved reassuring and educating his brother-in-law.

"I know," Henry admitted as he stroked Elizabeth's hair while she leaned against the couch. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

"I'm okay, Henry," Elizabeth coughed out.

"Do you want to go lie down, babe?"

"Stay with me?"

"Of course."

Henry kissed her temple, stood, and held a hand out to help her up. With Henry's help Elizabeth dragged herself to her feet. Even the few steps she needed to take to get to Will were exhausting. She gave him a hug and nearly collapsed against him. Will took as much of her weight as he could. Her body was already trembling, and it didn't look like her legs would be able to hold her up much longer.

"Goodnight, Lizzie."

"Night, Will."

"I can piggyback her upstairs if you grab her oxygen," Will told Henry.

It was pretty clear to him that Elizabeth wasn't going to be able to do much to get upstairs under her own power. Even if she tried all it would do was make her coughing worse and drain what little energy she had.

"Thanks, Will," Henry replied.

Elizabeth let go of Will and allowed Henry to help hold her up. Once Will was ready and squatting down far enough, Henry helped her up onto his back. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck as he stood up. Coughing still wracked her, so she rested her head against Will's shoulder.

"You're seriously spoiled, you know that?" Will asked his sister.

Elizabeth snorted and tightened her arm briefly around his neck in warning.

"Doing some work is good for you," she retorted between coughs.

"Yeah, well, you're heavy."

"Wimp."

"Hey! I offered to carry you upstairs. You should be nice to me."

"Since you offered you shouldn't be complaining."

She barely finished that statement before her cough got so bad that she could hardly draw breath.

"Easy, babe," Henry soothed.

Elizabeth was too tired to glare at him or she would have. She hadn't purposefully started coughing so badly. Maybe she should have known better than to talk so much, but still. She definitely didn't need Henry's reminders. The increased coughing was bad enough. Thankfully Will kept quiet and didn't give her any warnings about her breathing. Admittedly she might not have minded if his advice led to getting some air into her lungs. All of her usual tricks to pull her coughing back under control weren't working.

Once they got upstairs, Will lowered her onto the edge of the bed. She was still coughing so heavily that Henry and Will helped her the rest of the way into bed and propped her up with pillows. Henry settled himself next to her and took her hand.

"You need anything else, Lizzie?" Will asked.

"To breathe," Elizabeth gasped.

Will smiled sadly.

"I wish I could breathe for you, but I can't."

She nodded and leaned further against Henry. Her chest was starting to burn from the continuous coughing. There was nothing she could do though. Hopefully the coughing would die down soon so she could actually breathe and function.

Luck didn't hold out for her. As the night went on there was no change in her coughing. It was so bad that she couldn't even try to sleep. Her chest and back felt like they were on fire, and tears streamed down her face as she fought to pull in air. Henry wasn't about to sleep either. He could see how much pain she was in and how much she was struggling. Even if he could sleep through her coughing, he didn't dare. At this point he was really starting to worry about her. He would give it another half an hour, but if Elizabeth's breathing wasn't any better he would have Will take a look at her. They might need to get her to the hospital.

By three AM Henry gave up and went for Will. He wasn't gone very long, but by the time he and Will got back to the room Elizabeth was curled over with her arms wrapped tight around her chest as she coughed. At first Henry thought she had gotten worse. It took a moment for him to realize she hadn't. She'd felt this bad the whole time he'd been with her but had tried to hide it from him.

"She really can't breathe, Will. I want to call an ambulance."

"Just give me a minute to take a look first, alright, Henry?"

Henry didn't like it, but he held off and let Will work. Will slipped the pulse ox on her finger to check her oxygen levels. When he met his sister's eyes his own breath caught in his throat. There was absolute terror in her eyes. It reminded him so much of the look in his mother's eyes right before she'd died that it scared him. He cupped her cheek in his palm and rested his forehead against hers.

"It's going to be okay, Lizzie."

Elizabeth wanted to believe him. She really did. Every strained breath she took made it hard to believe that though. When the pulse ox beeped complete Will glanced down at the reading.

"Her oxygen levels are within normal levels, Henry. Look for yourself if you don't believe me. It probably doesn't feel very good, but she's getting air."

"I still want to call."

"I get that, but there's no point."

"Look at her, Will! She can't stop coughing, she can't breathe, and she's in pain. I can't sit and do nothing while she's suffering like this."

Will understood that. He did. Henry wasn't the only one who absolutely hated seeing Elizabeth like this. It tore Will apart too. The problem was Will had enough medical knowledge to know what could feasibly be done to help.

"You would be doing the same thing in the hospital. Her oxygen levels are normal. There's not much they can do, if there's anything at all. She's better off staying here where she can rest."

"How do you think she's going to get any rest when she's coughing so hard?" Henry demanded.

"Where's her emergency inhaler?"

Henry wanted to hit himself. He hadn't even thought about Elizabeth's inhaler since she'd never had to use it before. Maybe if he had remembered she wouldn't have had to suffer so long. He grabbed her inhaler out of the bedside drawer and handed it to Elizabeth. She almost fumbled the inhaler, her hands were shaking so hard. While she managed to get the cap off, she couldn't get her hands to cooperate to actually administer the medication. Will grabbed it out of her hand to get the medication into her himself.

"Take as deep of a breath as you can and hold it. The medication needs to stay in your lungs as long as possible before you exhale."

Once she was ready and the inhaler was positioned Will pressed the plunger to administer the first dose. She wasn't able to hold back her cough as long as Will would have liked, but at least some of the medication must have gotten through to her lungs. The second dose would help too. After giving her the second round he waited to see if it would do any good. There wasn't much change in her cough or breathing, but her energy levels were definitely down. All of the coughing had drained her.

Henry picked up on that too and sat down next to her so she could lean against him. As he slid an arm around her waist he realized he was basically holding her up. She desperately needed sleep. It was too much for her to even remain sitting upright.

Within the hour Elizabeth's coughing died down to a more manageable level. It still sounded terrible though, and her breathing was somewhat raspy. Regardless, she'd at least recovered enough that she could sleep. Once she'd drifted off Henry managed to get a few hours of rest as well before he had to be up for the day. On a normal day he wasn't very functional without his morning coffee. Today, after only a few hours of sleep, he needed it even more. He was so out of it as he brewed a pot of coffee that he didn't even notice that Jason was already downstairs. Unbeknownst to Henry, Jason was staring and hovering, a clear sign that he wanted to talk.

"Hey, Dad?"

Henry jumped and spun around.

"Jeez, Jason! You scared me!"

"I've been standing here pretty much since you walked downstairs."

"You were?" Henry scrubbed at his gritty eyes and tried to kick start his brain. "Sorry, buddy. I'm a little bit tired."

Thankfully the coffee was done. He poured himself a mug and hoped it would work fast. Jason waited until his dad had some coffee in his system before he said anything else. He totally understood his dad being tired. He was pretty tired too. That was part of what he wanted to talk about actually.

"Are you awake enough to talk to me now?" Jason asked once his father was partially caffeinated.

"Yeah. I'm awake. I'm awake."

Jason stared at his father skeptically. He didn't believe that for a second, but this was probably the best he was going to get.

"Is Mom going to die?"

Henry completely froze. If he hadn't been awake before he definitely was now. While internally his mind raced over the horrors of his son even needing to think that, he automatically moved to reassure Jason and counter that claim.

"Of course not, Jason. Why would you even ask that?"

"Because I heard her last night. All night. And that wasn't just an "I have a little cold' cough. That was worse than the "We need to get you to a doctor because that sounds really bad" cough. You can't tell me it wasn't. She _sounded_ like she was dying."

He wanted to lie and try to convince Jason that it hadn't been all that bad. The problem was it would be a lie, and a big one at that. Jason was right. Elizabeth had sounded like she'd been dying or at least that she'd only been a step away.

"She's doing better now, Jason."

"And next time? Is she going to die next time this happens?"

"She made it through this time. If it happens again she'll make it through that too."

"What if today was just luck?" Jason demanded. "What if next time she doesn't get as lucky? What if she dies?"

Jason was getting more and more hysterical by the moment. He'd thought they were already past the days of worrying if Elizabeth would die, but it was starting to feel like that wasn't really over. Maybe it never would be. His eyes went glassy at the thought, and he fought not to cry. The idea that he could lose his mother at any moment was too much.

"She's not going to die, Jason," Will said as he stepped into the room and rested a hand on his nephew's shoulder. "Do you know why? Because I'm not going to let her. I've lost enough members of my family. I'm damn well not losing another one."

Relief flooding through him, Jason hugged his uncle tight. If anyone could give him an answer he could truly and wholeheartedly believe, it would be his uncle, the doctor. He actually would know. Will ran his hand through Jason's hair and held him in return. A gasped sob told Will just how much pain his nephew was in.

"Now don't you give up. Your mother needs you."

Jason sniffed and nodded but didn't let go of Will. That didn't bother Will. He was more than willing to give Jason the kind of support he wished he'd had when his parents had died. Jason hadn't felt that full loss, but the fear was real and not much less painful. Will would do everything in his power to try and mitigate that.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

The terrified look in Elizabeth's eyes the night she'd coughed continuously and had been unable to breathe had stayed with Will. He didn't think he'd ever forget it either. It wasn't an expression he ever wanted to see on his sister's face again. That desire was what led him to doing some research. There had to be something out there with promise even if it was just experimental. He spent all of his free time at work and much of his time at home searching online, digging through medical journals, and picking other doctors' brains. Will wasn't about to give up. Not until he found something. While he hadn't been able to save his parents all those years ago, the universe was giving him another chance to save a member of his family, just in a slightly different way. He wasn't about to fail.

"Hey, Daddy?" Annie asked as she walked into his study.

Will held out his arms and scooped his daughter up to settle her on his lap.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Are you still trying to find a way to make Aunt Elizabeth better?"

"That's what I'm working on right now."

Big blue-green eyes turned upward, full of hope. Annie had heard enough about how sick her aunt was to know that Elizabeth really needed help. If there was anyone who could help someone who was sick, it was her dad. She trusted him to find a way. He was an amazing doctor who helped people all over the world after all.

"Have you found anything yet?"

"Maybe, sweetheart. I have to do some more research and make a few phone calls, but maybe."

Annie nestled her head against his shoulder.

"I hope it works, Daddy."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

What he was looking at showed a lot of potential, but he couldn't be sure of anything yet. With luck he would be happy with what he found. Of course even if he did get good news it would mean trying to convince Elizabeth and Henry it was the right course of action. Hopefully that wouldn't be too hard.

O . o . O . o . O

"Could you please pick somewhere to put your feet that isn't right in front of what I'm working on?" Henry complained as he shoved Elizabeth's toes away from the bottom of his notepad.

"Well where do you want me to put them?"

"Anywhere but in front of where I'm trying to write."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him before pulling her feet off his lap and jamming them under his thigh. He patted her knee in thanks and was already working again. Really he shouldn't have bothered. He'd barely even started up again when the phone rang. Henry tossed his notepad on the coffee table with a sigh.

"If you claim the entire couch while I'm gone I'm going to sit on your legs when I get back."

"We both know you wouldn't dare."

"Watch me."

Elizabeth's laughter followed him into the kitchen. By the time he had picked up the phone it had turned into quiet coughing. Henry shook his head, sadness seeping in that she couldn't even fully enjoy laughter anymore. He picked up the call from security and quickly became distracted from his distress. When he stepped back into the family room after the call his forehead was creased in confusion.

"Did you know your brother was coming over?" he asked Elizabeth.

She pushed herself up to a sitting position, which triggered more coughing. When she got it under control the expression on her face told Henry everything he needed to know. She hadn't had the vaguest idea her brother was on his way either.

"Will?"

"Unless you have another brother I don't know about hidden away."

Elizabeth scowled at him over that one before her curiosity got the better of her.

"Wonder what he wants."

"We'll find out," Henry said with a shrug as he headed for the door so he wouldn't keep Will waiting too long.

Henry couldn't quite read the look on Will's face when he opened the door and Will stepped inside. There was an excited glow in his eyes, but the rest of his body language read anxiety. His body was tense, like a coiled spring ready to explode. Henry wasn't sure if the end result would be good or bad. With Will it could easily go either way.

"We weren't expecting you."

"I know, but I really needed to talk to you and Elizabeth."

"You know you're always welcome here, but there is this amazing thing called a phone that lets you talk to people without needing to drive all the way over to their house," Henry explained as he led Will over to the couch where Elizabeth was still sitting.

"Some things are better handled in person."

"If you meant to come over and scare me, you're doing a pretty good job of it with that comment alone," Elizabeth warned him.

"If I wanted to scare you, Lizzie, I would have a lot better ammunition than that."

"Oh, I don't know. That one was pretty impressive." Whenever something needed to be handled in person it always meant the situation was bad or potentially critical. She had to pause to catch her breath before finishing. "Why are you here, Will?"

"To propose something to you and Henry. You just have to hear me out."

"I hear people out for a living, Will. Or at least I did."

She waved him toward the other end of the couch where Henry had been sitting. Her husband took the arm rest behind her and draped an arm around her shoulders. Henry still wasn't sure what to think of Will's visit. He was starting to learn more toward the "turn out badly" result though.

"You sound like you don't know what we'll make of this, Will," Henry added.

"Because I don't," Will answered as he looked uneasily between the two of them.

"Talk, Will," Elizabeth demanded.

"I've been doing some digging and looking around to find something that might help you. I think I found something that has a lot of potential."

Elizabeth frowned and leaned back against Henry. They were already doing so much to try and improve her condition. She wasn't really sure if she wanted to add more, especially since there was no guarantee it would actually help. Will saw the growing reticence on her face.

"Tell me your therapy and current treatments are actually working, Lizzie. It's been a month. How many big improvements have you really made?"

Elizabeth immediately flinched and seemed to withdraw. Will was rather taken aback by such a strong response, but Henry seemed to have almost expected it after that question. He pulled her back against him and rested his chin on your head.

"He isn't blaming you, babe."

Will felt like he'd been slapped in the face.

"What? Of course I'm not."

Henry smiled reassuringly at Will and explained.

"Elizabeth's been having a hard time convincing herself that her lack of progress isn't her fault."

"That's what I'm trying to get at, Lizzie. It isn't you. We just haven't found the right thing yet. This program might be it."

Elizabeth sighed and eventually looked up. She'd promised Will she would hear him out. Maybe he really was on to something. She nodded at Will to continue. He immediately jumped on the opportunity. This was his chance to convince her, and he was going to pull out all the stops. He really thought this program would be good for her.

"The medical research on this rehab program shows a lot of promise. Almost all of the participants showed some level of improvement, and a handful of them have made nearly a full recovery and can live a completely normal life. It's a month long residential program that combines both therapeutic and pharmaceutical methods to get results. They even provide counselling to help cope with th – ."

"Whoa, slow down," Elizabeth interrupted, her voice pitched up in agitation. "Residential?"

There was one of the major stopping points Will had been concerned about. Both Henry and Elizabeth had fought tooth and nail to prevent a stay in a facility of any kind after her release from the hospital. Getting them to consider one now could be a near impossible task. That was only the first battle he would have to fight too. There would be more to come even if he won this one.

"Yes, residential. They do a lot every day. It's a big commitment, but that's what gets the results. Wouldn't it be worth it if you could get off the supplemental oxygen?"

A flicker of hope flashed over Henry's face, and he glanced at Elizabeth.

"It might be, babe."

Elizabeth still didn't look convinced, so Will tried one more thing.

"This isn't a facility for seniors, Lizzie. The program works with a lot of middle aged adults, especially first responders and military members who have had similar experiences to yours that caused their pulmonary problems. It's not somewhere you go long term."

"And you know that from researching them?" Elizabeth asked skeptically.

"I called and talked to the staff. I really liked what I heard, which is why I brought this program to you guys."

"You talked to the staff."

Her voice was completely flat. She made it sound like he'd done something wrong by calling the program's staff. That was very Elizabeth. She could call other people to meddle in his life, but when he did the same it wasn't right. It didn't matter. He was going to meddle whether she wanted him to or not. It was for her own good.

"Of course I did. It's a highly specialized program with limited room. I had to make sure they had a spot for you before I brought it up. If they didn't have room there would have been no point."

"Will."

There was both anger and exasperation in that one word.

"Just to save you a spot, Lizzie. Whether you take it or not is entirely up to you."

"And where is this specialized program Elizabeth might be spending a month at?" Henry asked.

And that was the other sticking point. Will was sure his answer would cause an absolute uproar.

"Ohio."

"Ohio?!"

Both of them had wanted to shout that reply, but Henry was the only one to voice it. The sharp intake of breath in response to Will's answer had been enough to cause Elizabeth's lungs to spasm and trigger body shaking coughs. Henry caught hold of her and began rubbing her back to help calm her down. The shock made it hard for Elizabeth to slow her breathing and still the coughs.

"I realize it's kind of far away," Will began once his sister was breathing better.

Elizabeth glared at him. That was a major understatement. If she had dared to risk speaking she would have told him so in the harshest way possible. For something like this she would have called Virginia a long way away, and that was just barely outside of DC. Ohio was more than just across the border. It was states away. States. Plural.

"You promised you would hear me out. Now hear me out."

Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest, leading Henry to squeeze her shoulders to try and calm her down.

"Go ahead, Will," Henry told his brother-in-law.

"Cleveland Clinic is the third ranked hospital in pulmonary care in the entire country. This program is an offshoot of the Clinic. It's top notch. Yes, the distance means Henry and the kids aren't going to be able to come up and visit much, but you wouldn't really have much time for visitors anyway. I can stay up there with you though. Work will let me teach through tele-conferencing. Sophie understands, and Annie flat out told me to stay with you. She really wants you to get better and said everybody who's sick should have someone who loves them there to take care of them. Believe me, Lizzie, I wouldn't have gone through all this effort if I didn't honestly think this would help you. Take some time to think about it and let me know. They'll hold your spot for a week."

When Will finished he kept his eyes on Elizabeth, trying to figure out whether he'd at least convinced her to consider going. Her face was completely unreadable. That wasn't necessarily a bad sign though. At least the outright irritation and anger were gone. Henry, on the other hand, was much easier to read. Will had already won Henry's consideration. The debate of whether Elizabeth should go or not was already visible in his eyes. Maybe Will would have to count on Henry's vote and his ability to sway Elizabeth.

"Promise me you'll consider it, Lizzie. That's all I ask."

Elizabeth sighed and nodded her head in agreement. She would think about it, but Will had better not get his hopes up. There was very little about his plan that she liked. Even with time to think about it she doubted that would change.

* * *

 _Author's Note: Sorry this is so late. It's been a hell of a week._


	15. Chapter 14

Author's Note: I had to throw in a little something about the CLE. Awesome medical centers is one of the few things we're good for. And bad football.

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

Henry gave Elizabeth two days to muse on Will's proposal by herself before he decided to bring it up again. He had no idea whether she'd actually been considering it, but he certainly hoped she had. Deciding he would discuss this with her was a lot easier in his head than it was in reality though. So far he hadn't found a good time, or more likely the courage, to try.

"Henry."

He stuck his head out of the bathroom to glance at her.

"Yeah?"

"You're stalling."

Henry blinked. She was right, but he hadn't realized she had noticed that. He'd been trying to be subtle. There was no point in denying it now. Setting his washcloth down, he headed back into the bedroom and sat down next to her.

"How did you figure that out?"

Elizabeth smiled and ran a hand over his thigh.

"You've been watching me all night. I know you want to talk. You just keep waiting for some sign that it's a good time."

"And this is my sign, huh?"

"You're definitely not going to get a better one."

True. He twisted toward her and pulled one leg up onto the bed. Rubbing at his jaw, he tried to figure out how to start. Now he understood why Will had been so uneasy two days ago.

"Oh, spit it out, Henry."

"Have you thought about Will's proposition?"

Hearing what he wanted to talk about made her wish she hadn't pressed him to start the conversation. Elizabeth sighed. She'd thought about it more than once actually. For the most part she absolutely hated the idea, but there was a small gut feeling that said she should go. It was that feeling alone that had convinced her not to throw out the idea entirely. She had long ago learned to trust her gut.

"I thought about it, yes."

"And?" he prodded when she didn't go on.

"It sounds awful, Henry."

"Okay. I get that the distance, time, and general concept aren't great, but don't you think the chance of getting your life back is worth almost anything?"

"There's a part of my heart that's definitely screaming that."

Henry sat up a bit straighter in surprise. He hadn't been expecting it to be quite that easy. Since he could sense a "but" hanging unsaid, it might not actually be that easy after all. Still, the fact that at least some part of her thought it was a good idea was better than nothing. He could work with that part.

"So?"

"Henry, a month away from all of you? Being too far to visit?"

"I spent months away from you with little chance to even call when I was in the Marines. I made it through then and I wasn't even doing it to better my health."

"You really think I should do this, don't you?"

"Yeah, babe. I do."

Elizabeth knew he was right. Going would be the best thing for her. Even if it didn't work, she had to try. Still, leaving Henry would be hard. She wasn't sure she could be away from him for so long. She slid herself nearly onto Henry's lap before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I don't want to leave you. You're the only thing that's helping to hold me together."

"And I'll keep doing that. We'll talk every day, which is more than we could say when you were away on a work trip."

"It's not the same."

"I know. I'll miss you more than words can explain, but we'll both make it through. Maybe when you get home you'll be well enough for me to really make up for the time apart from you."

Elizabeth's eyes flickered up at him, hope glittering like fireflies behind them. That was certainly an interesting temptation. If there was a chance they could spend the night together in more active pursuits again it would be worth going to the rehab alone. She nestled further against Henry and finally accepted it.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll go."

The weight lifted off Henry, and he held Elizabeth tight. That had been far easier than Henry had thought it would be. Hopefully Will would be right about this and the month of rehab would be worth the trouble. He didn't even want to consider any other outcomes.

"Do you want to call Will or should I?"

"Go ahead. I just want to hold you."

She would be happy to stay exactly where she was for the rest of the night. It was rather comfortable, and she had every intention of soaking up every moment with Henry she could before she left.

O . o . O . o . O

"Jason!" Henry shouted upstairs. "Will you bring your mom's suitcase down? Your uncle's here."

"Coming!" Jason called back down.

It wasn't long before they heard the thud of the suitcase on each step as he dragged it down. Whether he was doing it purposefully to irritate Henry or if he simply hadn't been smart enough to consider picking the suitcase up didn't matter. The result was the same.

"I'm going to kill him," Henry grumbled.

"Go ahead," Alison told her dad. "I wouldn't miss him."

"I would," Elizabeth added. "Most of the time at least."

"You get to spend a month away from him. That's the only reason why you don't want to kill him. You're pre-emptively missing him."

"Still sounds like a good reason not to kill him to me. We'll miss him eventually."

Elizabeth leaned forward and kissed her daughter's forehead. She'd been planning to get up to meet Will in the kitchen, but Alison reached out and hugged her. She held tight and didn't want to let go. Elizabeth was more than happy to simply hold her daughter for a moment. It was going to be so hard to leave her.

"I'm going to miss you," Elizabeth whispered.

"Me too."

They both let go and met the rest of the family in the kitchen. Stevie slipped her arms around her mother's waist and rested her head against Elizabeth's. Leaning back against Stevie, Elizabeth couldn't help smiling. She needed this personal time with each of her children before she left. It felt good.

"I'll take your suitcase to the car so you can spend a little more time with your kids, okay?" Will asked.

"Thanks, Will."

While he was gone Elizabeth made the rounds to hug and kiss each member of her family again. Now that she was going to be walking out the door, leaving them felt so much more real. It was going to take every ounce of self-control she had not to turn back before she got into the car. She gave Jason a bit of a longer hug and whispered in his ear.

"Don't drive your father too crazy."

"But it's part of my job to do that."

"Too crazy," Elizabeth emphasized. "A little bit's okay."

Jason couldn't help laughing as he pulled away and let his dad take his spot. Henry took Elizabeth's hand and led her toward the door. The kids followed along behind. When they got there Henry pulled one of the chairs out of the office so Elizabeth could rest before going the rest of the way to the car. Will found them there when he came back inside.

"You ready to go?"

Elizabeth held up a finger to tell Will she needed a minute. The walk to the door had drained her. From here she had to make it down the stairs and all the way out to the car in one go. That would take more strength than she had at the moment.

"Let's take the time to say our last goodbyes. By the time we're done Elizabeth will probably be ready to go," Henry suggested.

"I would say have fun while you're gone. But pulmonary rehab just doesn't sound like fun," Alison said.

Elizabeth smiled wryly. Alison was definitely right about that. Will had to agree too. There was very little about the rehab program that would be fun, but it wasn't meant for that anyway. It was meant to get her better, not provide her an exciting vacation.

"Exhausting is probably a better word," he corrected.

"Because that's really going to make Mom want to go, Uncle Will," Stevie reprimanded.

While she hadn't heard all of the discussion to convince Elizabeth to attend the program, Stevie knew it couldn't have been easy. There was too much about this her mom would inherently not like. The last thing they needed was some off-hand comment that would get Elizabeth to change her mind about going at the last minute.

"Yeah. Totally. Sign me up for the next session," Jason returned with such a sarcastic edge it could cut steel.

Alison shoved him hard enough that it nearly knocked him off his feet, and he had to stagger a few steps to regain his balance.

"Hey!"

"Serves you right," Ali retorted before turning her attention back to her mom. "Just go work hard and get better, Mom."

"Thank you, Ali."

There was one more round of hugs and goodbyes from the kids before they left Elizabeth and Henry alone. Will mumbled something about waiting outside and vanished too. Henry slid his arms around Elizabeth and held her close. She leaned fully against him. This was where she wanted to stay.

"It'll go by faster than you think," Henry murmured.

"God I hope so. It already feels like forever and I haven't even walked out the door."

Henry tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head a few times.

"We'll be here when you get back, and I'll be thinking about you every day until then."

"You'll call me?"

"Every day. More than once if I have to."

"I love you, Henry."

"I love you too, babe."

She didn't want to let go. All she really wanted to do was kiss him until she ran out of breath. That was the problem though. Even a short kiss would leave her out of breath. She gave him the longest one she could manage, then rested her head against his chest. Elizabeth only allowed herself a moment before she pulled away. If she delayed any longer she might never leave.

"See you when I get back."

Henry kept hold of her hand as she walked toward the door until the last moment possible. Once his hand slipped free all he could do was watch her walk out. Elizabeth didn't pause even when she met Will outside. She simply kept walking toward the car as Will stepped in to support her.

"Ready, Pete?"

"Yes, Ma'am," the DS agent replied as he held the car door open for her.

"I still can't believe you're bringing a security detail with you," Will grumbled.

"I got it down to one at a time. They have to at least be happy about that."

"I have no idea how they'll even handle one."

"They'll figure it out."

They would have to since there was no other option. Even though she was on medical leave from her role as Secretary of State, it was still just leave. Until she officially had to resign, her protection detail stayed in place. At least that meant she would have somebody she knew with her through rehab. It wouldn't be anywhere as nice as having her family with her, but it was something. Something would have to do.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

It turned out that being without Elizabeth for four weeks was harder than Henry had thought it would be. This time should have been easier than when Elizabeth had been away for work risking her life in a conflict zone, but it wasn't. This time he knew she needed him. All he wanted to do was go to her, but he couldn't. The most he could do was call her every day. Many of the calls turned into voicemail phone tag. Will had been right that Elizabeth's therapy would be exhausting. By the end of her day she was completely wiped out. There were many days when she had long since passed that point by the time the day's end rolled around. Her exhaustion was why Henry had such a hard time getting a hold of her in the evenings. Whenever he did catch her she would always apologize for falling asleep before he'd called each night. While it had gotten better in the last week of her treatment, Henry was very glad she'd be back home soon. It wouldn't matter that they hadn't spoken much as long as he could have her in his arms again. He would sleep better with her in his arms too, even with the coughing. Waking up to a bed empty of anyone but himself was hard. But it was almost over.

Hopefully when she came home there would be more good news than simply her being back too. The few times they had talked Elizabeth had revealed that the treatments had seemed to be working. Her voice had definitely sounded stronger, and Henry had heard less coughing. Still, he didn't want to get his hopes up too high. There would be no way to tell how much better she actually was until they saw her at home. Soon. Very soon. In fact, they were expecting Elizabeth home some time that afternoon. Stevie and Alison had even made her a welcome home cake in preparation of her arrival. Like Henry though, the kids were all doing their own thing since none of them knew exactly when Elizabeth and Will would arrive. Waiting by the door wouldn't get them home any faster, and it just made the anxiety of not knowing what they would discover when she did get back worse.

Henry was trying desperately to lose himself in paying the bills, but his mind kept wandering back to his wife. He had to wonder if it was possible for him to want her to be home even more than she wanted to be home. If it wasn't, then Elizabeth had to be in pure agony since Henry was pretty much there himself. In this instance, practice didn't make perfect. Being without her now was just as painful as it had been every other time they had been separated. Henry hated it. He forced himself to turn his attention back to the bills and ignore everything else. Apparently he did a really good job of it because he completely missed the click of the door opening. Jason, who'd been camped out on the couch texting Piper just so he could be closer to the door when his mom came home (not that he'd admit to that being the reason he wasn't in his room), didn't miss the sound. He vaulted over the back of the couch before he even knew who was there. It could only be one person after all. Anyone else would have been prefaced with a phone call from security.

"Anyone home?" Elizabeth called as she stepped into the house.

Jason had already been halfway to the door when Elizabeth had spoken. She'd barely even finished when Jason grabbed her up in a huge hug. He pressed his face into her hair and stayed that way.

"I'm so glad you're home. I missed you."

While he'd gotten his old life of basic chores back when Elizabeth had been away, her absence had reminded Jason too much of what it would be like around the house if she died. It had taken most of the fun out of not needing to help her at any moment when he was home. He'd had to deal with the nasty burning sensation in his mouth whenever the reality of the extra time he had with her – for now at least – hit him too. It definitely wasn't a feeling he'd liked. Because of that, he wasn't the least bit ashamed to be clinging to her like he was five years old again.

"I missed you too, Jas," Elizabeth murmured as she stroked the back of his head.

The thundering of footsteps coming down the stairs broke them apart. Jason barely managed to get out of the way before Alison and Stevie engulfed Elizabeth in their own hugs. Elizabeth wrapped one arm around each of them and kissed their cheeks.

"What, no hugs for me?" Will complained.

Both Stevie and Alison laughed, pulled away from their mother, and went to hug their uncle. When they stepped away it gave Henry the chance to greet his wife. He'd been intending to grab her up in his arms, but when he saw her he paused. His mouth fell partway open in surprise. Elizabeth saw it, and her eyes glittered like pure firelight.

"You're not wearing your oxygen."

"Oh, shoot! Did I forget it?"

"Elizabeth," Henry warned.

Her smile only grew at the dire tone of his voice. Apparently he didn't appreciate her humor.

"Relax, Henry. The program worked. I can go without oxygen during the day now, though Will is probably about to remind me that it was a long walk in and I should check my levels."

"Now, see, I don't even have to say anything," Will returned.

"Should we go to the family room?" Henry asked. "Do you want your oxygen on for that?"

Elizabeth squeezed his arm in reassurance.

"I'm fine."

Taking his hand, she led the way to the family room and the couch. The rest of the family followed along behind. All of them were surprised by how relatively easy Elizabeth made that walk. Before she hadn't been able to walk that far so easily even with her oxygen. After everyone had found a seat, Will set the oxygen concentrator and pulse ox down at Elizabeth's feet. He would stand back and let Elizabeth handle this on her own. She'd been well trained over the last month to handle all testing and variances of her oxygen levels. A quick check told Elizabeth her oxygen was slightly low. It was manageable without additional oxygen as long as she focused intently on her breathing and took a break. After five slow, deep breaths a second check revealed her levels were coming back up.

"Henry, I'm fine," she promised when she saw how nervous he looked. "Now get over here. You're the only one who hasn't given me a welcome home hug yet."

With Stevie and Alison on the couch next to Elizabeth, the best Henry could do was force his way in. He wound up with Elizabeth partly in his lap. She was happy to drape herself over him as best she could, but her kids weren't quite as pleased.

"You two can spend some personal time together like this tonight. When you're alone," Alison groused.

Elizabeth laughed and simply snuggled herself closer to Henry's chest. She didn't want to wait until tonight. Henry didn't really either, but he also wanted some answers. He wasn't the only one.

"So you're really better now?" Jason asked nervously.

"I hate to say it, but your uncle was right."

"I'm sorry. What?" Will interrupted even though he'd heard her perfectly well.

"I'm not saying it again. Once was enough," she shot at her brother. "Yes, Jason. I'm doing a lot better. As long as I don't do too much talking or physical activity like walking, I can make it through the day without supplemental oxygen. There are still some times when I'll need it, and I'll still need it every night, but at least it's not all the time anymore."

"Tell them the best part."

Elizabeth tried to kick her brother in response even though she knew there was no chance of connecting.

"I was getting to that!"

Will rolled his eyes and tried to kick her back.

"Siblings, behave," Henry growled. "Now what's the best part?"

"They think the pulmonary fibrosis is even more minimal than my first doctor thought. According to this rehab team the biggest reason for my breathing problems was inflammation. That's pretty well under control now. Not only did that make my breathing better, it cleared things up on the scans. The scarring didn't look as bad as we originally thought."

"That's wonderful, Elizabeth!"

"She hasn't even told you the best of it."

Henry looked expectantly at Elizabeth. He wasn't really sure what could be better than what she'd already shared. To hear her current diagnosis wasn't anywhere near as bad as her first one was even more wonderful than visibly seeing the improvement.

"There was no progress, Henry. They compared the x-rays and CAT scans from the first day and the last day. There was no change in scarring. Nothing. Even if it's only minimal progression, there's always something in a month. Only there wasn't, and they looked hard. Do you know what that means, Henry?"

He thought he knew what it meant, but it was almost too much for him to believe. Only a month ago the thought never could have been entertained in reality. It was almost surreal to think they could consider it now.

"That… that your lungs might not get worse."

"Or if they do, the progression might be incredibly slow."

Henry had spent weeks trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that there wasn't much time left for Elizabeth. Pulmonary fibrosis was progressive, and it would eventually kill her. The typical life expectancy after diagnosis had terrified Henry. They were supposed to have forever, but then forever became only a few short years. To hear they could have more time… Tears filled his eyes. When one escaped he covered his face with his hand to try and hide it. Elizabeth saw it despite his efforts.

"Oh, Henry."

She pulled Henry's head toward her and held him close both to comfort him and to hide his tears. How much this news meant wasn't lost on her. It could really change the whole course of their future once again.

Stevie sat up straighter as the pieces finally fell into place for her too.

"Does that mean five years isn't really a concern anymore?"

Elizabeth looked up in surprise. Neither she nor Henry had told the kids what her life expectancy was after the poison. They'd wanted to protect them from it for as long as possible.

"How did you know about that?" Elizabeth questioned, her shock heard in her voice.

"Research, obviously. Once I knew what you were diagnosed with I wanted to know everything I could about it."

Alison looked back and forth between her sister and her mother. They both seemed to fully understand the partial conversation, but she didn't.

"Five years what?" Alison asked in confusion.

"Five years before she's supposed to die," Jason explained rather bluntly.

"What?"

Alison's eyes went wide, and the color faded from her face. Elizabeth's face lost color just as swiftly. It was hard enough to think that her eldest child had been considering her imminent death, but her youngest? Her baby? He'd known?

"Stevie wasn't the only one who researched," Jason said when his mother's stunned eyes met his.

"You both knew about this and didn't say anything?" Elizabeth asked.

It hurt so much to find out two of her children had been carrying that around and she hadn't even known. She was supposed to protect them.

"You really wanted us to ask?" Stevie pressed. "What good would that have done? Best case scenario you would have told us we'd be planning your funeral in five years. It was better to live with that then to find out the doctors had only given you a year and you hadn't found a way to tell us."

"Why is everyone ignoring the fact that you're all talking so casually about Mom being dead in five years?" Alison demanded hysterically.

"Mom just said that might not happen now," Jason stated like it made all the sense in the world.

Apparently he thought that would explain everything, but it didn't do anything to appease Alison. She still looked completely stricken. Seeing that neither Henry nor Elizabeth looked capable of holding their daughter together, Will stepped in.

"Alison, look at me."

When she lifted her eyes to his she looked like she was going to be sick.

"The outlook for pulmonary fibrosis is typically five years or less. That's for idiopathic fibrosis though, which has no known cause. Your mother's condition is different. There's no guidebook for paraquat caused pulmonary fibrosis. It might progress like idiopathic or it might not. So far it looks like the short exposure was enough to keep the scarring and progression to a minimum. If that lack of progression continues, Elizabeth could have a long life still."

Alison wasn't sure what to believe even though her uncle sounded sincere. They'd hidden how little time her mom might have left already. That made it hard for her to believe anything.

"Are you sure, Uncle Will?"

"There's no guarantee in any of this, Ali, but your mom got the best news she could have gotten. I have to be realistic about any medical diagnosis, so I can honestly tell you things look really good right now."

"We make the most of what we can, baby, no matter how short or long that might be," Elizabeth added.

She held her arms out to Alison in invitation. That was all Alison needed to squeeze in next to Elizabeth and rest her head on her mom's chest.

"I don't want you to leave me."

"And I don't want to leave you either," Elizabeth promised. "But you're old enough to know that you were going to lose me eventually anyway."

"I know."

It was something Alison simply didn't think about since it was supposed to happen when she was so much older. She hadn't expected it to happen when she was this young. Of course her mom hadn't been expecting her own mother to die when she'd been just a kid either. At least Alison had had her mom longer than Elizabeth had had hers. The only thing she was going to be able to do now was exactly what her mom had said: enjoy whatever time they had left.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Elizabeth checked the chicken and was satisfied it was cooking well. So far she hadn't burned anything, but there was time yet. Nothing was done, and with the number of things she had going it would be easy to lose track of one. While she was used to juggling multiple world crises and government inducements, doing the same thing with food was not something she had a lot of experience in. She wasn't very confident with it either. Thankfully it seemed to be doing mostly okay.

She was busy working on the bowl of mashed potatoes when Henry and Jason came home. As they stepped into the kitchen she paused her mixing and smiled at them.

"Hey. How was school?"

Jason rolled his eyes and walked past her so he could dump his backpack on a kitchen chair.

"You know," he began as he glanced back over his shoulder at her. "The usual mind numbing uselessness that I will never use at any point in my life."

When Jason's back was turned Henry threw his hands up in exasperation and wrapped his arms around Elizabeth. Jason's dramatics weren't unknown to either of them. All they could do anymore was shake their heads and ignore him.

"I loved school," Elizabeth reminded her son even though she knew it wouldn't do anything to change his mind.

"Yeah, well, you're weird."

He said as he came back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Deciding not to be insulted by that comment, Elizabeth kissed Henry's hand and returned to making their mashed potatoes. Jason glanced at his mother for a moment and then at everything going on in the kitchen. The scene would be a normal one in most households, but it wasn't really common in his.

"Are you making dinner?"

"Uh huh."

" _Should_ you be making dinner?"

Nearly done adding salt and pepper to the potatoes, Elizabeth finished her mixing before addressing Jason's concern.

"There's no reason I can't cook as long as I conserve my energy and not overdo it. My therapists actually want me doing things like this so I can keep my physical strength and endurance up. Cooking is an easy way to do it since I can take breaks or sit down if I need to, and it needs to be done anyway."

"Okay… Good to know and all, but not what I was talking about. I was more worried about your general lack of cooking skills. Unless you picked up some of that during your rehab too."

Elizabeth had thought Jason had been worried about her breathing. Before rehab she hadn't been able to do any cooking even with her oxygen tube. Today she'd made an entire meal without it. Hearing Jason was concerned about her cooking and not her breathing made her mouth fall open. While she knew she wasn't exactly known for her cooking skills, nobody was typically that direct to point out her deficit considering none of them were particularly endowed with cooking talent either. It didn't matter whether he was simply pushing her buttons with his reasoning behind his concern or not. She shot him an offended glare, scooped a small amount of potato onto her spoon, and flicked it at her son. Even the small draw back on the bowl of the spoon was enough to send mashed potato splattering against Jason's chin and shirt. He jumped backward in shock.

"So not cool!"

He stared down at his shirt, completely flabbergasted that his mother had thrown potatoes at him. How was he even supposed to respond to that? Then the solution hit him. The bowl had been left completely unattended, providing the perfect opportunity. With a smirk on his face, Jason scooped up a heaping glob of potato on his fingers. The ideal option would be going after Elizabeth, but since he couldn't exactly chase his mother around the kitchen he went after his father. He got really close before Henry realized what was happening.

"Whoa!" Henry yelped and bolted around the kitchen island. "Why am I suddenly involved in this?"

"Because I can't chase Mom. Obviously."

Jason juked around the corner and lunged, but Henry sidestepped just out of reach. He managed to shove Jason's arm aside enough for him to safely dart back the other way.

"So I'm your mother's whipping boy?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Jason raced after Henry and the chase around the kitchen continued. As Henry darted around the corner of the island he stepped in some of the dropped potato from Elizabeth's first spoon flinging. Henry slipped, losing stride and catching himself against the island. It was enough to give Jason the advantage. He backed Henry up against the cabinets, potato-covered fingers held threateningly.

"Jason, don't," Henry warned. "You know better. Put that potato on me and you are so grounded."

The threatening Dad voice made absolutely no impression on Jason. He just kept on coming.

"There is no way you can ground me when Mom started it. You can't even blame me."

Jason had a point, which only irritated Henry more. He looked Elizabeth's way and found her chuckling softly. She wasn't even trying to hide how much entertainment she was getting out of their game of tag. Here he was taking the heat for her, and she was laughing at his struggle.

"You're not going to help me?" he accused Elizabeth as he dodged another attack by Jason. "He's right you know. You started this."

He'd been expecting Elizabeth to make a move to help him, but all he got was a huge smile.

"Nope."

The shock of that almost caused him to get covered in mashed potato. At the last moment he whirled away to avoid it. The entranceway gave him the perfect opportunity to circle around Jason while still remaining out of reach. Once he was free he took off through the kitchen, intending to use Elizabeth as a shield. She might not be willing to step in and help him, but he was going to make her do it anyway. He shifted around Elizabeth's chair and put her between him and Jason. There was nothing subtle about his move.

"Baby," Elizabeth accused.

"I'm calling it resourceful," Henry threw back as he kept his eyes warily on Jason.

He needn't have bothered. The moment Jason had realized his father was going to use his mother as a shield he'd seen his opportunity. Henry had never been his primary target. He'd only gone after his father because his mother wasn't an option. She would have known he was coming right after she'd hit him with the mashed potatoes. If he'd tried anything she would have done whatever it took to avoid him, and she wouldn't have had to do much before Jason would have been forced to give up in concern for her health. Now she wasn't expecting him. Better yet, he could get right next to her without arousing her suspicion. With Henry where he was, Elizabeth would simply attribute Jason's closeness with his attempt to hit Henry. Smiling widely, Jason approached, taunting his father the whole way to keep up the ruse.

"Come on, Jason. You don't really want to do this."

"Uh, yeah I do."

Jason rushed forward, hand stretched out toward Henry. Right before he would have passed Elizabeth Jason reached a hand over her shoulder. Without waiting to see what he was doing, he judged where his mother's face was and smeared his fingers over it. His attack left a trail of potato from her eyebrow to the corner of her mouth.

Elizabeth yelped and bolted out of her chair.

"Gotcha! Payback successful!"

"Ugh! Jason!"

Laughing happily, Jason danced away to make sure his mother couldn't retaliate. Now that he'd successfully managed to get his revenge, Jason licked the remains of mashed potato off his fingers.

"This is actually really good."

"So good to hear," Elizabeth grumbled as she tried to get her breathing under full control and wipe the potato away.

He'd even managed to get some on her eyelashes, which didn't want to come off.

"Maybe you want some more?" Henry asked.

"I definitely wouldn't mind more if you're going to let me eat them before dinner. They're pretty good," Jason admitted.

What Henry meant by that went right over Jason's head, but Elizabeth understood it. She caught Henry's eye and a smile bloomed across her face despite the mashed potato still stuck to it. They didn't need any exchange of words. Jason was too busy reveling in his success to notice anything. He was still laughing when Henry caught his arms up in a full Nelson hold. Jason was caught so off guard that at first he didn't know what to do. The stillness didn't last long. Soon enough he was thrashing and fighting with everything he had to get free. Nothing he tried did any good though. His arms were still completely trapped.

"What the hell, Dad?"

Henry grinned and started forcing Jason to walk by adding some pressure to his arms and kicking at his heels. Left with no other choice, Jason stumbled around the kitchen island.

"You said you wanted some more."

"So get me a plate and a fork!"

"What about a bowl?" Elizabeth asked as she held up the entire bowl of potatoes.

Jason's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he realized what his parents were planning. He threw his full weight against his father in one last-ditch effort to get free.

"No! No, no, no! Oh, come on!"

Elizabeth's smile only widened when she saw his look of terror. Maybe it wasn't right to get so much pleasure out of watching her son suffer, but she was rather enjoying tormenting him. The closer she got to Jason the harder he fought to get free.

"He's all yours, babe."

"Why thank you."

"Mom!"

Jason's protest was lost in a face-full of mashed potatoes as Elizabeth splatted the entire bowl right in his face. Bursting out laughing, Elizabeth retreated before Henry let go. The second Jason's arms were free he started wiping at his face. Potato splattered all over the floor.

"I can't believe you did that!" Jason growled.

Just after he said that the door opened and Alison came in. She stopped dead in the kitchen and took in the scene: her mother, with potato stuck to her eyelashes, laughing hysterically with a mostly empty bowl in her hands, Jason covered almost head to toe in mashed potato, and her father grinning like a fool. It was like some crazy movie.

"What's… going on?" A moment later she amended her question. "Actually, I don't want to know. Whatever it is I don't want to be involved."

She walked through the kitchen and up the steps without looking back. It made Henry and Elizabeth laugh all the harder. Elizabeth had to fight the laughter down to get her breathing under control before she needed her oxygen.

"You two suck, you know that?" Jason growled. "I'm going to go take a shower. Since you started it you two get to clean it up."

Still grumbling, Jason stomped his way upstairs. Henry continued to snicker and turned to grin at Elizabeth.

"Ah, kids."

They could be so entertaining sometimes.


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Elizabeth hummed happily and snuggled closer to Henry's chest. She was absolutely exhausted yet had never been more content. It was the first time she and Henry had been intimate in months. They'd started with a long and relaxed foreplay that had been amazing enough on its own. Not only pleasant, the time had taught them how to manage the oxygen lines. They really hadn't caused as many problems as Henry and Elizabeth had thought they would. Henry had taken over when the full love-making had begun. He'd gone incredibly slowly to make sure he didn't overtax her lungs. With her supplemental oxygen he needn't have even worried. She'd been perfectly fine. Going slow had been incredibly satisfying though.

"That was amazing," Henry murmured as he pulled her closer with his leg.

She was happy to get closer even though they were already heavily entwined and tangled in the sheets.

"You're amazing," she replied just as softly.

"I certainly don't mind doing all the work."

Henry chuckled and kissed the top of her head, eliciting a purr of contentment from her. He was welcome to do that work whenever he wanted. She'd never been one to take charge of their bedroom activities once they began anyway. Her current limitations weren't taking much of anything away from her. It simply gave her the challenge of finding new, smaller ways to light Henry up when she wanted to do more than merely enjoy his ministrations. Not that that was a problem. She'd actually found it rather fun. The experimenting and finding new ways of enjoying each other was probably good for them.

While Elizabeth was more than happy doing exactly what she was, curled up in Henry's arms, for ages longer, there was also something she wanted to talk to Henry about. It wouldn't be their first bedroom conversation, so she wasn't worried about it ruining the mood too much. She didn't think the topic would cause too much of a problem either since it couldn't be that big of a surprise. After enjoying the quiet wrapped in his arms for a while longer, she finally spoke.

"My doctors were right you know. I could handle this."

"They were, and I'm glad. We can do it more often now."

"This isn't the only thing I'm apparently ready for either. They've said I can go back to almost everything I usually did with only a few modifications."

"The rehab was definitely worth it," Henry agreed, still completely oblivious to the direction Elizabeth was planning on taking this conversation.

"And it's been two weeks since I've been back."

Which made it almost three months since she'd been on medical leave. It was definitely time.

"I want to go back to work, Henry."

He stiffened next to her, which was not the reaction she'd been expecting. Obviously he didn't want her going back to work. What she couldn't quite figure out was why. All she could come up with was that he was worried about her and didn't think she was ready. There had been moments in the past when he hadn't liked her job, but he'd always supported her. No matter what. She couldn't imagine that would change now.

"My doctors and therapists think I'm ready, Henry. I think I'm ready."

Henry wasn't even ready for this conversation. Forget being ready for her to go back to work. The thought of it was almost making him physically sick. Elizabeth couldn't have picked a better topic to completely destroy the moment if she'd tried.

"Can we not talk about this now? I'd rather just hold you and enjoy what we just shared."

At least as much as he could anymore. The thought of Elizabeth going back to work was already festering in his head, and it wouldn't be going anywhere now. Chances were it was already far too late for him to get any contentment back.

Elizabeth's forehead furrowed, but she could tell this wasn't the time to fight this battle. She hadn't really thought it would be a fight at all. Apparently she'd been seriously wrong about that. For now she would do as Henry asked and regroup for another round later. Enjoying the moment didn't sound all that bad anyway, and unlike Henry, she wouldn't have any trouble finding her happy place again.

O . o . O . o . O

It turned out that Elizabeth didn't need to try and figure out when the best time was to confront Henry about returning to work again. He brought it up himself after work the next day. When he came home he slid his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

"Can we talk?"

"Always."

She caught his lips for a much better kiss than the quick peck on the cheek that he'd given her and then took his hand to lead the way to the couch. Even though they hadn't started talking yet tension thrummed through Henry. It was obvious in his eyes and body. She knew from that what he wanted to talk about. What she still didn't understand was why it was upsetting him so much.

"This is about me going back to work, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Henry…" Elizabeth said sadly, but Henry shook his head before she could go on.

"Before I say anything else, promise me you'll hear me out before you blow up at me."

He sounded so serious, but Elizabeth couldn't be anything besides amused by his request. There was almost nothing in their history that would demonstrate a need for a request like that. Their discussions didn't automatically lead to big blow up fights no matter how much they disagreed. She didn't laugh, but a quirked smile did dance across her lips.

"Because I have a long history of not listening to you and bawling you out the first moment I don't like what you have to say," she teased.

Not a long history, no, but Henry vividly remembered a previous discussion about her career path that had come rather close to a brawl. They had been at each other's throats for a long time over that decision. This might not be much different.

"I already know you aren't going to like what I have to say. I can even hear the argument happening already, but I can't let this go without saying something."

"Saying what? What on earth has gotten you so worked up?"

"I don't want you to go back to work. I don't just mean not yet either. I mean not at all."

Elizabeth had known he hadn't wanted her to go back to work yet before he'd even said it out loud. He'd made that pretty clear last night. What she hadn't expected was hearing he didn't want her to go back ever. That shocked her to the core.

"What?"

"I don't want you to go back to being Secretary of State."

Hearing it again, only more clearly, didn't make it any easier for Elizabeth. If anything it felt like she'd been sucker punched a second time. She openly gaped at Henry. His face was still set in stone, completely unchanged by her visible reaction, but the agony behind his eyes had increased.

"Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to sit back and wait while you travel to unstable parts of the world?" Henry began. "Knowing you were in harm's way on all of those trips was bad enough, and you were lucky you hadn't been seriously hurt on any of them. At least I knew you would always come home to somewhere safe. The danger was only short lived, so I could deal with it for the most part. Now I will never feel like you're out of danger. Even your office in DC isn't safe. You were attacked and almost killed there. You came closer to dying in your own office than you did half a world away in Iran. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can let you put yourself in danger again, and even your office falls into that category now."

Elizabeth reached out to run her hand down Henry's cheek in an effort to soothe him. He leaned into her touch, revealing just how much pain he was in.

"Henry, I'm not in danger in my office. This was a fluke."

"Fluke or not, I don't know if I can let you go. I don't think I could take it."

"Henry…"

"I know," Henry said as he held up a hand to prevent her from arguing. "I know this is what you want to do and that I can't really stop you, but the idea terrifies me, babe."

She could see that, and she hated the fact that it scared him so much. If there was anything she could do to ease that fear she would. Anything but not go back. That she couldn't do. It would mean giving up one of the biggest parts of who she was. That would feel too much like defeat and she'd already vowed to herself that she wasn't going to let her condition win. She scooted closer to Henry and settled her back against his chest. More than happy to have her there, Henry wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"Henry, I'm going to be okay."

Despite her promise, Henry didn't fully believe it. She'd said the same words to him before leaving for Iran, and look how well that had turned out. When she'd returned she certainly hadn't been okay.

"I can't lose you. I can't," he whispered.

"You have just as much chance of losing me if I don't go back to work."

Elizabeth felt him flinch and lifted his hand so she could kiss his knuckles. She understood that it wasn't a pleasant thought, but it was also the truth. He couldn't protect her from everything. The challenge of accepting that wasn't unknown to her either. She'd had to deal with that same unpleasant reality after her parents died.

"I know you don't want to hear it, Henry, but it's true."

He didn't respond to that, and Elizabeth was left digging through her brain to try and find any other way to convince him. Finally she landed on something that just might work. It was a topic he knew well.

"All of the saints you live your life by went through hardships and persecution while they were alive. A lot of them got hurt. Would you have told them to give up what they were doing because of that risk?"

"No," Henry admitted, "but none of them were my wife either."

"Well thank God for that," Elizabeth chuckled.

"Please don't joke with me right now."

He was barely holding it together and definitely couldn't handle her making light of the situation. She murmured a small "okay" and leaned further against him. He knew that everything she was saying was true. There really wasn't much legitimate reason to keep her from going back to work. No matter how much he hated it, there was nothing he could do. Elizabeth would make her own choice.

It wasn't long after she curled against him that her coughing started. Elizabeth barely registered it, but Henry was hyper-aware of her coughing, no matter how light it was. Her dry coughs were subtle, but they shook her body. Each small shake of her body against his chest rocked Henry's world like an earthquake. Elizabeth felt him shudder behind her and glanced back at him out of the very corner of her eye. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and his head was bowed. The slow deliberate breaths he was taking were the same ones she had to use quite often anymore. His fight for control stabbed at her heart, yet his plight touched her too. As much as her going back to work ripped him apart, he wasn't trying to stand in her way. While he hadn't actually said the words, she'd seen the defeat in his eyes. He would let her go.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

The front door slamming shut startled Henry from his reading. He glanced up and through the open door of the office to find Alison had come home. She was standing with her back pressed against the door and her arms braced across it like she felt the need to hold the door shut by whatever means possible. With her eyes blown wide, Alison honestly looked like whatever was on the other side of that door made her fear for her life. It was an identical pose to one he would expect to find in a zombie movie. When Henry stepped into the hallway her eyes darted toward him.

"Something scary out there?" he asked.

"You have no idea."

She glanced nervously at the door and checked that it was locked before stepping away. Henry's eyebrow lifted. Whatever was out there must be bad if she couldn't even trust security to keep it out when the door was locked.

"Trying to get anywhere near the house is like wading through a mob. They're like bloodthirsty seagulls," she explained.

Henry had absolutely no idea what Alison was talking about. Nothing even seemed to be connected.

"Seagulls?"

"They follow you around, constantly pestering you, and nothing you do can chase them away. They just keep pecking and trying to steal anything they can get their grubby little beaks on."

Well, that explained some things but it still left Henry rather lost, particularly on the point of what she was comparing them to. And why whatever that was would be related to what was outside their door.

"And they're like…?"

Alison stared at her father like he'd completely lost his mind. Even someone living under a nearby rock would know what she was talking about. They were impossible to miss.

"The ridiculous number of reporters outside? How could you not notice them? They're pretty much everywhere out there. Lining both sides of the street. Even with security's help it's still a fight to get inside. I've seen it bad before, but this is insane."

"Oh. Them. They've been here all day, and I doubt they're going anywhere."

He made it sound like the mob of reporters was hardly noteworthy. Like they were barely even an inconvenience. Alison scoffed.

"Well, they're insane. How can you even go anywhere?"

"You don't," Jason answered as he pulled a coke out of the fridge. "You just try to ignore them. Or you plot ways to chase them away, like throwing something out the window at them. That can be pretty fun."

"Jason," Henry warned.

"What? Plotting isn't the same thing as actually doing it."

That sent a chill of dread through Henry. Jason could be an absolute master of semantics to cover his deeds or rationalize his choices, which were seen as poor ones in anyone else's mind. Laughing, Jason headed upstairs. He was already halfway up before Henry could even respond.

"None of those plots better involve pouring coke on them!"

"Like I'd waste a good coke on them," Jason shouted back down. "I'd use Stevie's crappy soy milk."

Jason's laughter continued to echo down the hallway, and Henry shook his head.

"I'm not sure if I should be checking whether that milk is still in the fridge or not."

"It _is_ Jason," Alison replied.

She wouldn't put it past her brother to do something stupid like that. After what she'd been through to get inside though, she would rather enjoy seeing whatever Jason came up with. In her mind the jerks outside deserved it.

"Where's Mom?"

Henry peeked out the front window, fully expecting to see a milk carton come falling from the sky to splatter all of the reporters. Not seeing any sign of that, he turned back to Alison. If he heard screams a short time from now he would know what they were from.

"She's upstairs. You should probably go up and help her too. Last I checked she was still trying to figure out what to wear for her first day back."

"I'll go help then."

Grinning happily, she raced up the stairs to find her mother. She was thrilled to have the chance to help her mom with something in her wheelhouse, something she was actually good at. It was a task she had helped with on more than one occasion before her mom had been poisoned too. That made it even better since it wouldn't highlight what Elizabeth could no longer do. When she got to her mother's room she found Elizabeth standing in front of her closet looking completely perplexed.

"Need some help?"

Elizabeth spun around, spotted Alison, and drew her into an immediate hug.

"Oh my god, yes. I'm desperate for help. Thank you."

She pulled away and dragged Alison over to her closet by the hand. There were shirts hung from most of the door handles and a few thrown across the bathroom counter. Alison took a moment to just stare at the absolute mess in front of her. No question, her mom definitely needed her help. The amount of clothing littered everywhere reminded Alison of the number of reporters jostling outside.

"Did you see how crazy it is outside?" Alison asked.

"Kind of hard to miss," Elizabeth admitted as she wrapped her arms around Alison. "Russell told me the White House was releasing the news that I would be returning to work. We were expecting things to get a little bit crazy for a while."

"Hard to miss, and yet Dad didn't notice."

Elizabeth laughed.

"Your dad does a good job of trying not to notice things he doesn't want to notice."

"That's what he said, but I still don't understand how he can _not_ notice."

"He stays inside where it's safe."

Alison grinned. That was true. Her father wouldn't have dared to go outside into that craziness. Not unless he had to at least. Hopefully the insanity wouldn't last long and the reporters would get bored and go home. Ali definitely didn't want to deal with that again. For the moment though she was going to follow her dad's example and purposefully not notice the reporters. That wouldn't be too hard as long as she kept herself busy, and she had the perfect project right in front of her.

"So what exactly are you looking for in all of this?"

"Something that goes well with a nasal cannula and oxygen concentrator."

Alison glanced over her shoulder at her mom and lifted an eyebrow. Did her mom honestly think that the right accessory would make everyone overlook her oxygen tubing? It was going to be right in front of their noses on Elizabeth's face. Rather like the reporters outside their house, there was no way anyone would miss Elizabeth's oxygen.

"Mom, what you wear isn't going to matter. They're both still going to be there."

"I thought you've said that every detail of your attire matters."

"It all makes a statement, yeah, but it can only hide so much. An oxygen concentrator is not one of those things."

Elizabeth's face fell. Even though she'd known in her heart that her clothing choice wouldn't reduce the impact of her using her oxygen, she'd wanted to believe it would do something. There was no question that the sight of her using supplemental oxygen would impact many people's opinions of her. Many would question her ability because of it. She would be self-conscious enough already without knowing she had lost people's respect. And she would lose some respect. There was no doubt of that. Alison saw her mother deflate and turned toward her so she could grip her arms and face her directly. She hated seeing her mother look vulnerable. After everything she'd been through she deserved to go back to work feeling confident. Besides, she was far too good at her job to let anything shake her confidence in her ability.

"You're going to be fine. Just pick something to wear that you're comfortable in and that makes you feel like you're in charge. If it makes you feel confident and powerful that's all you really need. We all already know you've got the ability."

The pep talk did the trick, and a smile flashed across Elizabeth's face. She reached out and gave her daughter a fierce hug.

"Thank you, Noodle. That's just what I needed to hear."

"You're welcome. Now what's it going to be?"

Laughing over a decision that now seemed too easy, Elizabeth turned to face her partially destroyed closet.

"A skirt suit. No question."

She pulled out her blue-grey suit and hung it up. Before she could even consider what blouse to put with it Alison hung a black ruffled top with the skirt.

"You'll rock in that. Now we just need to accessorize."

That was definitely not Elizabeth's forte, so she let Alison go to it. Alison started digging through Elizabeth's jewelry box. She was taking pieces out and putting them back faster than Elizabeth could keep up with and thinking out loud the entire time. Her daughter was considering absolutely every factor.

"Nothing dangly so it won't get caught in the oxygen tube…"

After a little more tinkering she came back with a pearl necklace and set of earrings.

"This should be perfect," Alison said as she set her chosen pieces down on the counter near Elizabeth's clothes.

"What would I do without you?"

"Probably pull all of your clothes out of your closet and still not know what to wear."

That was basically what her mother had done already.

Elizabeth couldn't help laughing over that. Alison was definitely right. She would have absolutely torn her closet apart and still wouldn't have known what to do. Without Alison she would have been worrying about what to wear right up until the moment she left for work. Thankfully that would not be the case anymore. Still smiling, she slid her arm around Alison and led her toward the bed. She'd been on her feet for a long time. It would be best if she sat down before her breathing was affected. They both curled up next to each other against the headboard. Alison took her usual spot with her head resting against her mom's and one arm draped around her. They had long ago perfected the best position for their mother and daughter time and Alison didn't think she'd ever get too old for it.

"You're going to be amazing tomorrow."

"Thanks, baby."

Alison knew her mom was already nervous about going back to work. While she didn't want to make that unease worse, she had her own fears about tomorrow. Talking would definitely help her, but it wouldn't help her mother. There had to be a way to address her fears without making her mom's worse.

"Mom? You'll be careful, right?"

Alison really hoped she didn't sound too nervous when she asked that. She would have been better off keeping her mouth shut if she had. Thankfully her mom didn't appear concerned by the question.

"Exceedingly careful. I already promised your dad that. Security has swept the entire building and found it clear. The same for the kitchen, only they did that more than once. Not that it really matters. I have no intention of eating anything but prepackaged food or what I bring myself for a while."

That all sounded wonderful except for one thing.

"You actually think you can live without take out?"

"Okay, and take out. But only take out that Blake has approved and brought himself."

"Yeah, that sounds more like you."

"It does, doesn't it?" Elizabeth replied with a grin.

"But you're still nervous about something."

The smile of reassurance on Elizabeth's face faded. Alison was reading her like an open book. Her daughter was too smart and observant for any misdirection or fibs. The only story Alison was going to buy was the real one. She was old enough to understand what Elizabeth was experiencing and feeling too.

"You can't be vulnerable in politics, and my lungs are going to be a big vulnerability. I'm going to have a huge target on my back because of it."

"That's what you're worried about? Mom, you've always had a target on your back. You're a woman, you don't follow the rules, and you're really successful. The targets on your back have never stopped you before. This one isn't going to either. You're too good to let a vulnerability take you down."

Elizabeth had never thought about her situation that way before, but now that she did she realized Alison was right. Anything could be a vulnerability, but only if she allowed it to be. Like Ali had said, there were a lot of things people could target her for and view as a reason to look down on her. They had certainly found a lot of reasons to do exactly that over the course of her career until this point. Nothing would really change. She would just have to keep proving everyone who doubted her wrong.


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Henry smoothed the collar of Elizabeth's suit jacket even though it didn't need it. Alison had done a great job yesterday helping pick out what her mom should wear. Elizabeth looked wonderful, and more importantly she looked confident and ready to go back to work. While she was obviously excited, Henry was much less so. Sending her back to work scared him half to death. Elizabeth read his mood and leaned forward to press her forehead against his. He buried his hands in her hair and tried to breathe. Knowing how hard this was for him, Elizabeth gave him whatever time he needed. He was holding onto her like it was the last time he would ever get the opportunity to do so. It told Elizabeth a lot about how much this incident had scarred him. His behavior made it feel like he truly believed he could be sending her to her death even though she was just going in to the office. When he finally pulled away he still looked pale and uneasy. His eyes were pleading.

"A half day, right? Promise me."

That was what they had agreed to. She would only work a half day for the first week to make sure her body could handle it. As long as that went well she could try a full week after. They had talked about it more than once before, but Henry wasn't sure he trusted Elizabeth to stick to the half day restriction. She had a habit of getting caught up in her work. When that happened she ignored everything else. She could easily lose track of time and stay far later than half a day. Even after the first week that wasn't something she could let herself do anymore. If she stopped paying attention it would cost her more than a missed dinner now.

"I know. I know," Elizabeth told him as she squeezed his shoulders reassuringly. "I will take it easy and only work a half day. I promise."

"Good, because I don't want to be getting a call from Blake saying you collapsed."

Henry had meant it seriously, but Elizabeth thought he was over-reacting and decided to play it off with a joke.

"Then I'll make sure the call's not from Blake if it does happen."

There were many times when Elizabeth had said something that had shocked Henry so completely that he hadn't known how to respond. This was definitely one of those times. He simply stared at her, completely stunned like a deer in headlights. How could she possibly think that it was who called him and not whether or not she collapsed that mattered?

What Elizabeth didn't understand was how Henry could think what she'd said was anything other than a joke. The look on his face made her snicker, and she leaned in to kiss him.

"You're so adorable."

"That's all you're going to say after you told me you're not worried about collapsing?"

Her apparently flippant attitude about working until she dropped made Henry wonder whether he should restart the argument about letting her return to work at all. If she didn't accept the seriousness of what could happen then she really shouldn't be going. The risk would be far too high.

"Babe, I was joking."

"It better have been a joke."

"Henry. Really?"

She was using the tone of voice that said he was being stupid and that he needed to stop and think. He took a moment to go back over everything Elizabeth had said. Looking at it again in a clearer frame of mind did make him realize he was being a bit stupid. She'd been incredibly understanding of how hard it was for him to see her go back to work. There was no way she would make light of the risks of her condition or her going back. She was well aware of the dangers and had no intention of testing her limits. They had discussed that at length. He had definitely over-reacted. It was so obvious now she'd been joking.

"Right. Sorry."

He looked a little bit bashful, which made him even more adorable. Elizabeth leaned in to kiss him again. Henry took the opportunity to pull her back against him. That was more than okay with Elizabeth. She slid her arms back around him and rested her cheek on his chest. When she pulled away she offered him a warm smile.

"I know this scares you, Henry, but you have to let me try. I need this. Even though I'm a lot better since rehab, I've still lost so much. Being able to work again would mean everything hasn't been taken away."

"I know, babe. That's why I'm not pulling out the husband card and keeping you at home no matter how much I want to. And trust me, I really want to do that. That sucker's been more than halfway out of my pocket ever since you first talked about going back."

"And that's why I love you."

"Why? Because I care enough not to want to send you back and put you at risk again or because I'm letting you go?"

Elizabeth smiled and pecked him on the cheek.

"Both."

Not wanting to wait any longer and give Henry more of an opportunity to keep her from going back to work, Elizabeth squeezed his arm and headed out. She didn't want to be late when she was only working half a day.

O . o . O . o . O

Elizabeth stepped out of the elevator with a member of her security detail right behind her. Normally finding her entire staff right there waiting for her drove her crazy and made her worried that there was a major catastrophe she simply didn't know about yet. Today it gave her the most comforting sense of normalcy. The slightly forced smiles on some of their faces ruined that feeling a little bit, but she tried to ignore that. Even though they knew a decent amount about her medical situation they'd probably been expecting her to come in without oxygen. Only Jay appeared completely unconcerned by the tubing connecting her to the machine in her security agent's hand. For the rest of them it was a blunt reminder that she hadn't simply taken a vacation.

"Welcome back, Ma'am."

"Thank you, Jay. I'm really glad to be back."

Figuring there was no point in tiptoeing around the situation at hand, Elizabeth jumped right in. They would all be better off learning how to cope with it. She wasn't the only one who would be facing changes at work. Everyone else was going to have to learn how to accommodate for her condition too.

"Blake, give me your wrist."

Blake looked completely started by that request but responded to it quickly enough.

"Which one, Ma'am?"

"Whichever you prefer," she returned as she unclipped an electronic wristband from her agent's wrist.

Blake floundered for a moment, holding out first one wrist and then the other. He went back and forth once more before finally settling on his right wrist since his watch was on the left. Without any real explanation Elizabeth slapped the bracelet over his wrist and snapped it closed. Blake glanced at the unexplained bracelet in confusion. It was relatively innocuous and looked kind of like a fit bit.

"That stays with you unless I have to go to the White House. Then it would get passed along to Jay and he'll keep it until we get back here. At the end of the day it goes to whatever security agent is assigned to escort me home."

Jay peered over Blake's shoulder to take a look at the bracelet himself since Elizabeth had mentioned he was going to be involved in whatever this was. Like Blake, he had no idea what the device could be for. The main piece was relatively thick, but there was really nothing on it. No buttons or displays of any kind. The only things he could see were two thin lines made of a different material that ran the length of the bracelet, basically cutting it into thirds.

"Sounds easy enough," Jay admitted. "But what exactly is it?"

"An emergency bracelet. If something happens with my lungs or breathing I can activate my bracelet," she held up her own wrist to show a nearly identical bracelet in example, "which will trigger that one and let you know I need help."

That perked everyone up, and Elizabeth could almost see their wheels turning. Blake and Jay looked nervous while Daisy was clearly considering how she might be able to spin such an event. Matt's jaw had dropped open and he'd gone completely bug-eyed. Kat was much harder to read, and Elizabeth wasn't quite sure what was going on in her head. She didn't appear as openly concerned about the prospect of Elizabeth having a pulmonary emergency as the others, but Kat also had a much better poker face. Showing her emotions on her sleeve, even informally like now, wasn't really her thing. She was likely just as worried as the others. It was just hidden better.

"And is that, uh, likely to happen?" Blake asked uneasily.

"I haven't needed it since I got back from pulmonary rehab, but anything is possible and it's better to be safe."

Her explanation didn't look like it had calmed anyone's nerves, but she hadn't really expected it to. Time was probably the only thing that would.

Elizabeth picked up her concentrator from the floor and slung the strap over her shoulder before starting toward her office. Her staff followed along behind her. As they passed other members of the State Department, greetings and welcome backs rang out. It took a rather ridiculous amount of time to make such a short walk thanks to the conversation delays and her own slow pace. By the time she was able to sit down she was exhausted and out of breath. Her staff hovered nervously around her, seeing the fatigue. Not wanting to risk words, Elizabeth waved them to be seated. While they did that she checked her oxygen levels and found them borderline adequate. She'd expected as much. The trip in from the car had been longer than anything she'd done outside of rehab.

She would eventually teach her staff how to use both her pulse ox and oxygen concentrator, but for the moment that could wait. Instead she let her eyes drift around the room. It looked much the same as it had before except for a large vase of flowers on her desk. Her eyes flicked back toward her staff and she smiled at them. Not for getting her flowers, but for what else they had done.

"You cleaned up all the remnants of Deputy Cushings, I see. Thank you."

They'd all come to find the man had a habit of leaving extra things – pens, papers, coffee mugs, and various other detritus – all over her desk whenever he was temporarily manning it. It never ended up getting cleaned up before she returned either. They'd all jokingly wondered if he did it on purpose simply to have reason to come back to her office and make sure there was no reason for him to reclaim his temporary post.

"Yes, Ma'am. We figured you would appreciate a clean start," Blake confirmed.

"I do."

Being there did feel almost like a completely new start too. She'd been poisoned in this room, which gave it a completely different feel from what it had had before. It wasn't really a good one either. She hadn't thought being back where it had happened would bother her very much. Logically it shouldn't. She'd never really associated the room with her poisoning. Apparently her subconscious was overruling her logic in this one. She pushed the new unease of the room aside and had to hope with time it would fade. The best she could do now was forge on like it was any other day in the office.

"Let me show you how these new contraptions of mine work in case you need to use them, and then you can get me up to speed."

That would likely take a while and be absolutely terrifying. She'd been away for an incredibly long time, and there was only so much the news could tell her about what had been going on politically in that time. There was far more activity happening in the State Department than was ever reported on in the news. Most of their work, even landmark events, happened behind the scenes. Sometimes even the biggest successes were as big as they were _because_ they hadn't wound up in the news. There were always a lot of balls up in the air, and she needed to figure out what they were and how to handle them as quickly as possible. The world wasn't going to stop and give her time to catch up and settle back in.


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

It was nearing 1:30 by the time Henry turned up at the Hoover Building. Despite Elizabeth's promise that she would come home early, Henry still had a sneaking suspicion that it would take more than a promise to get her to leave. The State Department was still bustling as much as it usually did when he walked in. He didn't gain any real attention until he reached Blake's desk. Elizabeth's assistant glanced up at the sound of his approach and smiled a greeting at him.

"Dr. McCord. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"I came to pick up Elizabeth. She's in her office, I'm guessing."

"The Secretary? She's not here."

Henry had already started around Blake's desk and was heading toward Elizabeth's office, but at Blake's words he slammed to an immediate stop and whipped around. The speed of the motion nearly gave him a headache, which wasn't a good combination when added to his growing sense of panic.

"What?"

Where would Elizabeth have gone on the first day back to work? Even a trip to the White House would have been ill-advised. They'd survived months without her. They could have handled today too. Of course Henry couldn't see his wife ever bringing up that point. If they'd called, she would have gone. He wouldn't have put it past her to instigate the trip to the White House, or wherever else, herself. Honestly, wherever she was, Henry wanted to strangle her. She'd been supposed to be taking the day easy. It was only her first day back. Why did she have to do this? 

Blake saw the fire ignite behind Henry's eyes and seriously hoped his boss' husband wouldn't shoot the messenger. He'd never seen that kind of look in Henry's eyes. From a man who was usually so placid, it was rather terrifying. Even worse, he had no understanding of why Henry was so upset. Really, from what Blake understood, Henry should be pleased Elizabeth wasn't there. It meant she had done what he'd asked of her. Unless of course Elizabeth had outright lied about Henry's request, but Blake doubted that. The most she ever did was fib a little bit unless she was running some kind of CIA-esque op under the radar, and none of those involved her husband. She would never lie about something like this.

"Why on earth would Conrad have called her to the White House or sent her somewhere else on her first day back?" Henry roared.

The light clicked in Blake's mind and he finally understood why Henry was so riled up. He quickly tried to diffuse the situation caused by Henry's misinterpretation.

"The President didn't send her anywhere. The Secretary went home about an hour ago. She said she'd promised you she would only work a half day and she wasn't about to break her promise."

Henry almost rocked back on his heels he was so surprised. He hadn't thought there was any chance Elizabeth would leave on time. It was why he had shown up at her office himself. He had honestly figured he would need to drag her home, and he'd already considered what threats he could use to get her to cooperate. To hear none of that was needed didn't quite compute. It was like not being good at math yet walking into an advanced calculus class and finding it easy. Henry finally managed to get his dumbfounded brain back into gear to answer.

"She really went home?"

"Well, I didn't physically put her in the car and drive with her, but yes, that's where she was headed."

Any remaining anger fizzled out of Henry and he flopped into the chair beside Blake's desk. Now he was worried about whether Elizabeth's on time departure meant something bad had happened. Elizabeth might or might not tell him the truth about her day, but that didn't particularly matter. Henry had long held Blake in his confidence about most things related to Elizabeth that might affect her work. Blake had always reciprocated, which meant Henry had all the information he needed right here.

"She was alright today?"

"As far as any of us could tell. She only used her oxygen when she came in and when she left." He paused and then his voice took on a more nervous tone. "Hopefully that's alright?"

"That's fine, Blake. She only uses it when she needs it. By this point she's pretty good about knowing when that is. The fact that she didn't need it for anything other than extended walking is a good thing."

"Then she did wonderfully. Honestly, Dr. McCord, she seemed like her usual self other than having slightly less energy. It was wonderful to have her back. We're all rather fond of her."

"And not so fond of the Deputy Secretary," Henry said with a smile.

He didn't need to ask it as a question since he basically knew it as a fact. Blake's face remained completely impassive.

"Your words, not mine."

True or not, Blake wouldn't say anything against his boss, even just a temporary one. Henry could read between the lines though, and he laughed. With that he stood up so he could head home himself and catch up with Elizabeth.

"Keep an eye on her for me, Blake."

"Always. If I don't pay attention she certainly won't."

"True," Henry returned with a laugh.

It was why he had shown up today. More often than not Elizabeth didn't pay attention to minor details like things pertaining to herself and instead focused only on the big picture and how to achieve what she wanted. That was one of the reasons why Henry liked Blake so much. Blake also recognized the detriment of that personality trait and did his best to manage the areas she ignored for her.

He waved goodbye to Blake and headed home. Hopefully his first look at Elizabeth when he got there would confirm everything Blake had said: that she was alright and her day had been at least relatively easy.

O . o . O . o . O

Henry came home to a completely silent house. It was too early in the day for any of the kids to be home, but he knew Elizabeth was there. Her detail outside had confirmed that when they'd passed her emergency bracelet off to him. He had at least expected some kind of greeting from her, but he got nothing. The most he found was a trail of her belongings leading away from the front door. First her briefcase, then one heel and another a few steps later. Her suit jacket was on the kitchen floor, whether thrown there willingly or ending up there after it had fallen from the back of a chair Henry wasn't sure. He could hear the quiet puffing sound of her oxygen concentrator and followed the noise into the family room. Soon enough he found Elizabeth, sprawled nearly face down across the couch. One arm dangled over the edge, and Henry suspected one of her legs would have too if not for her skirt limiting its range.

He knelt down beside the couch and rested his hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. At first she didn't wake up, but as he rubbed her back she started coming around. She shifted onto her side with a small moan and gazed up at Henry.

"Hi."

"Hey. Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just tired. Going back was a lot more exhausting than I thought it would be."

A smile slipped over Henry's face no matter how hard he tried to prevent it. Elizabeth would read into that smile and know exactly what had caused it. She would want to pummel him for it too. Still, Henry couldn't help himself.

"Does that mean you're actually glad I made you work only half a day for the first week?"

"Don't you dare say it."

Henry held up his hands in total innocence.

"I didn't say anything."

True, but…

"You don't have to actually say it. I know you're thinking it."

"Can't exactly stop that, babe."

He kissed her forehead and brushed back her hair. She smiled at him despite her annoyance. After all, he really had been right, but that didn't mean she wanted to admit it.

"Turn this off, would you?" she asked as she pulled her oxygen tubing off and dropped it on the ground.

"Your oxygen levels have been okay?"

"All day. I've been really careful."

As Henry turned the concentrator off Elizabeth sat up and held her arms out for him. He sat down next to her, and she immediately snuggled into his side. She unconsciously released a contented sigh once she was settled. It made Henry smile.

"How was your day? Other than being tiring."

"Amazing. You have no idea how good it felt to be back. It made all of the hard work and struggle in the last few months worthwhile."

"That's great, babe."

Elizabeth rested her hand against Henry's chest and let silence prevail for a moment. Henry could sense that she was contemplating something big and gave her that time. Once she put it all together and was ready she would tell him. Trying to push her into it before she was ready had never worked. Elizabeth had always shared things in her own time. When she finally did speak it was rather hesitant and unsure. She didn't even look up at him.

"There was something I wasn't expecting today, too. Something other than excitement. When I walked back into my office I was scared, Henry. Even though I knew logically that there was no reason to link poison with that room, they were automatically linked in my head anyway. It was like my PTSD all over again. I couldn't logic my way out of the fear."

Henry definitely didn't like the sound of that. At least she was openly talking about it though. With Elizabeth that counted for a lot.

"Did you have flashbacks?"

"No. Nothing like that. It was more of a constant tightness in my chest. An uneasy, shaky feeling that something bad was coming or that something wasn't right." Her forehead furrowed as she suddenly realized something. "Actually, it's rather like the feeling you have when you get back on a horse for the first time days after you got thrown off. It happens sometimes when you don't immediately get back on."

Elizabeth might have known exactly what that felt like, but Henry had no idea. While he understood the concept in theory thanks to being around when his children had fallen off and been forced to get right back on, he had never experienced the fear himself.

"That feeling goes away as you keep riding though, right?" he asked.

"Yes. After you get over the first hump of terror it goes away pretty fast."

"Well, if what you felt is the same as getting back on a horse after a fall, hopefully by the end of the week that feeling will be gone."

"Shorter than that, most likely. The worst of it was already past when I left, and it's hard to focus on what once happened there when there's so much work to do. There's not enough room in your head for illogical fear when there's that much to get done."

"The one benefit of your crazy job."

"Any job is crazy when you're trying to catch back up after being gone as long as I was."

Though she certainly wouldn't argue that her job was quite a bit crazier than most. Still, she loved it and didn't regret going back for a moment.


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

It had all been going way too well. A smooth and easy transition with no major problems. She had gotten back into the swing of things, and by the end of the second week they were all moving full speed ahead. At least they had been.

She should have known better. Funny how her brain was spitting out philosophical thoughts like that while darkness crept further and further through her peripheral vision.

It had just been a trip to the bathroom. A simple task. One that was hardly worth recognizing now that Elizabeth had recovered to the level she was at. Two steps out of the bathroom it became so much more. Fatigue and dizziness had firmly set it, and her vision was going fast. Something was definitely very wrong. It had happened incredibly suddenly too. She had wanted to reach the couch and sit down there, but after one more step she realized she would never make it. Elizabeth knew she had to sit down before she fell down. With no other option she allowed herself to nearly collapse to the ground right where she was. With her legs crossed and one hand braced on the floor she could at least keep herself upright. For the moment. If she didn't get help and more oxygen into her system that wouldn't last very long. She tried to call out but couldn't get enough air to make her voice heard across the room, let alone beyond her office doors, through the sitting room, and to Blake's desk. Once again Elizabeth was left with no other choice. She activated her emergency bracelet.

Out in the main hallway of the department Blake nearly fell out of his seat when the bracelet on his own wrist lit up and started vibrating. After he righted himself in his chair he stared down at the bracelet. It took only half a second for reality to sink in. While he had never seen the bracelets activated, there was no mistaking what this was or what had caused it. No matter how much he wished it could be anything – _anything_ – else, he knew it wasn't possible.

"Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit," Blake repeated on loop as he scrambled out of his chair and nearly sprinted to Elizabeth's office.

He was really hoping this was just a test, but the moment he opened the office door he knew it wasn't. Elizabeth was slumped over on the floor, her rasping breaths audible from where Blake was. While he really wanted to stop at her side to reassure her and see how bad her condition was, he knew he couldn't waste the time. Instead he raced past her to get her oxygen concentrator. When he got back his hands were shaking so hard he could barely line the cannula up with her nose. As much as Elizabeth wanted to help him, she didn't have the coordination to do it herself. It was taking all of her concentration to focus on her breathing and staying upright.

"Don't move. I'm going to call a medic," Blake informed his boss once he'd gotten her oxygen set up.

He didn't wait for a response before scurrying over to her desk to use the phone. Once he made the call he came back to her side to wait. It was one of the longest waits of his life despite the fact that it wasn't actually very long. Partway through the wait Elizabeth reached out and squeezed his hand to reassure him. At least that meant she was doing a little bit better, but she still didn't look good. Blake was pretty sure he wasn't making up the bluish color of her lips. Even considering how chalky her tone was, her lips were a distinctly different color. It was a color that didn't belong on a human being.

Despite what Blake thought, Elizabeth was feeling better. Well enough that she could at least see clearly and had managed the coordination to unhook the pulse ox from her concentrator and slip it on her finger. When the display flashed her blood oxygen level she understood why she felt so terrible. She was at a very low 84%, far past the point she should have begun supplemental oxygen. How it had gotten that low without her noticing she had no idea. She'd felt fine right before she'd nearly collapsed other than a minor dizzy spell when she'd stood up from the toilet. There should have been more warning.

Or maybe she simply hadn't been paying enough attention.

O . o . O . o . O

The medic sighed and shook her head at Elizabeth as she and Blake finished explaining what had happened. Not that the explanation was really needed. Finding the Secretary on the floor and seeing how much of a struggle it was for her to walk the few steps to the couch added to the huge physical toll those steps appeared to take on her was more than enough for the medic to determine what was going on on her own. At least Elizabeth's levels were coming back up already, but it was slower than the medic would have liked. As long as they continued to come up though, no matter how slow, Elizabeth wouldn't need to take a trip to the hospital. She should rebound from it and hopefully learn an important lesson in the process.

"I'm sure your doctors told you at what point you need to start using your supplemental, right, Ma'am?"

"91," Elizabeth returned weakly.

"And do you know what you were at?"

"84."

"You were at 84% after you'd already gotten oxygen," the medic corrected. "Your levels would have been a lot lower when you collapsed."

Elizabeth winced. That was a point she hadn't considered. At the point that she'd called Blake, her levels could have easily been near 80. Even more terrifying, being in the 70s wasn't necessarily out of the question either. She knew better than to allow her oxygen to get to either of those levels, but she didn't understand how it could have happened under the circumstances.

"I wasn't doing anything strenuous. No excessive talking. Nothing out of the ordinary."

Working under a strict deadline wasn't out of the ordinary at all. Neither was the need to fight through red tape. They did both all the time. Today shouldn't have been any different from any of those other times. The medic gave Elizabeth a look that said she knew the Secretary was splitting hairs.

"Physical exercise isn't the only thing that increases your heart rate and puts more demand for oxygen on your body. Stress can do that too, and I suspect putting together an aid package for refugee camps counts as stressful."

"More finding a way to get them approved," Blake corrected.

Both Elizabeth and the medic glanced at Blake in exasperation. Already on edge as he was, that type of look from his boss made him even more jittery. His hands fluttered nervously and he opened his mouth a few times without knowing what to say. Finally he tucked his hands behind his back and looked down.

"I apologize, Ma'am."

Elizabeth nodded even though she hadn't needed the apology and turned her attention back to the medic.

"Low oxygen levels aren't something you can simply push through."

"I know. I didn't try to push through it. I honestly had no idea my oxygen was low, and I try to pay close attention to my warning signs. There was nothing off until right before I went down."

"Your oxygen levels don't act like a light switch, Madam Secretary. They won't go from adequate to extremely low in an instant. It's a progression. One you could easily miss if you're not paying enough attention. When your levels drop slowly it's hard to notice the changes. The downward progression is subtle. If you're functioning at a 10, you'd know something was wrong if you were suddenly at a 3 without hitting any of the numbers in between. It sounds like you started at a 10 then dropped to a 9 and hovered there. A small enough change not to notice, so the 9 became your norm. The same thing happened when you dropped to an 8 and a 7 and so on. It never felt that much different from what you were experiencing before the most recent drop."

Understanding finally registered, and Elizabeth cursed her stupidity. She should have put that together herself. The same philosophy could be applied to conflict zones and the rise of terrorist organizations. The increase in trouble was so gradual that nobody noticed until it was too late.

"I see you understand now. I highly advise checking your oxygen levels regularly regardless of what you are feeling so this doesn't happen again."

"I will. Thank you."

"Stay put right where you are and don't start any work until your oxygen is back up to at least 98%. When you take the supplemental off check your levels a minute later. If they drop even 1% it goes back on. If they stay level check again at the 5, 10, and 20 minute marks to be sure. Don't skip a check because you assume you're fine since you have been so far."

"Understood."

The medic turned to go and then paused.

"One more piece of advice, Ma'am?"

"Go ahead."

"Might I recommend that your assistant take a seat as well? He looks nearly as bad as you do."

Elizabeth glanced over at Blake and couldn't help agreeing. While her coloring had improved with increased oxygen, Blake looked just as bleached as he had been when he'd reached her. He was clearly trembling and might even be clammy. Elizabeth could definitely see him passing out considering the way he looked.

"That would probably be a good idea."

She pointed at Blake and then the chair next to the couch. As the medic left them alone Blake did as Elizabeth asked and sat down, drumming his fingers uneasily against his knee.

"Blake, I'm going to be alright. Really."

The finger drumming turned into scrubbing his palms against his thighs. Blake took a deep breath to try and calm himself down, but it only did so much good.

"Forgive me, Ma'am."

"There's nothing to forgive. I'm probably still alive thanks to you, and I'm definitely here and not in the hospital because of your fast response."

"Glad to be of assistance, but that was one of the scariest moments of my life."

Elizabeth smiled sadly.

"It wasn't one of my best moments either."

She settled further against the couch and let her head tip back. The true level of her exhaustion was starting to set in. Even if her oxygen levels came back up to normal relatively fast, she didn't think she would be moving any time soon.

"I think we could both use a break for a little while," she admitted.

"Oh, yes, please."

Permission to take a break was all Blake needed, and he allowed himself to slump into his chair. He had barely relaxed for a minute before he sat bolt upright again. It wasn't like him to forget his job.

"Is there anything I can get for you, Ma'am?"

"No, thank you, Blake. I'm perfectly fine. I meant it when I said we could both use a break. Both involves you too."

He nodded and once again allowed himself to lean back and relax. His eyes had just flickered closed when Elizabeth spoke again, essentially changing her mind from what she'd just told him.

"Actually, there is something you can do."

Blake sat back up, ready to serve in whatever way was needed regardless of what he was feeling.

"What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Pastries?"

"Something much easier than that. Or much harder, I guess, depending on your perspective. I want you to do me a favor and not tell Henry about this."

Henry would absolutely panic if he heard she'd crashed badly enough that she'd needed to use the emergency bracelet. He would be an absolute mess no matter what she said to calm him. There would be a very real possibility for him to put his foot down about her working. At the very least he would insist she take a few days off if he knew what had happened. It just wasn't necessary to cause him such anxiety over a mistake on her part. She'd learned from it and wouldn't let it happen again.

"Don't worry, Ma'am. I'm pretty sure if Henry found out about this he would fillet me like a fish, and I'd prefer not to find out what that feels like."

Elizabeth couldn't help laughing no matter how much of a bad idea it was for her medically. Little did Blake know she was the fisherman not Henry. He was the hunter. That wouldn't make the filleting any less painful though.


	23. Chapter 22

_Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took longer than usual. So many of you mentioned that you wanted to see how Henry would react to Elizabeth's incident last chapter. It wasn't something I had included in the story, but I decided to add it anyway! I needed some time to actually write this chapter out. Hopefully it's alright. I didn't want to take my usual few days in between to revise and edit it since I know you were all waiting._

* * *

Chapter Twenty Two

"I'm home," Elizabeth called out as she stepped into the house.

She hadn't been expecting any real greeting other than a typical "welcome home" shout from Henry, usually given from across multiple rooms. When she looked up from hanging her coat up, however, she found Henry nearly barreling toward her. Before she could really process what was going on, he pulled her into a rib cracking hug. Henry was holding her like he'd expected to never see her again or that his grip on her was the only thing standing between her and the universe that wanted to rip her away from him. It completely confounded Elizabeth. He didn't seem to have any intention of letting go, so she started running her hands through his hair. Usually her touch calmed him, but it wasn't getting her very far today. His grip still wasn't loosening. Just as she was starting to get truly worried, he let go. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her skin.

"Henry," Elizabeth asked gently once he'd finally released her. "What are you doing?"

"Confirming for myself that you're alright and still alive. Now that I know you are, I have to decide whether you're going to stay that way or if I'm going to kill you." His tone wasn't the least bit joking.

"If what?" she choked out.

What could she have possibly done to get him that upset with her? Honestly, there was nothing she could think of. Everything at home and work had been going smoothly for the last three days. After wracking her brain she couldn't even come up with something that would have bothered him in hindsight, and hindsight was supposed to be 20/20.

"Pretty sure you heard me, babe."

Elizabeth fought hard not to roll her eyes at him. In the mood he was in that wouldn't go over well.

"Okay, yes, I definitely heard the words, but I don't understand them. Just a second ago you were holding onto me like you thought I would disappear into the ether if you let go."

"Because when I saw you it brought back all the terror of what I discovered. Now that I know you're safe I can be absolutely furious with you for not telling me."

He was definitely upset. The mixture of fear and anger pouring off of him was all too obvious. What Elizabeth still didn't understand was the cause. It was like they had lived two separate lives in the last few days because she still couldn't come up with what had triggered such an intense reaction from her husband.

Seeing her complete lack of understanding, Henry reached out to take his copy of her emergency bracelet. Not only did he need to have it now that she was home, it would explain everything.

"Did you realize when you run a routine diagnostic on this to make sure that it's still working properly, it also provides you with a report of use?"

Elizabeth stiffened. No, she hadn't known that, but she definitely knew what had gotten him so upset now. She hadn't even thought about that incident in the last few days. She had learned from it and put it behind her. Dwelling on it wouldn't have done her any good.

Henry could tell she knew what he was talking about now, but she still wasn't saying anything. His eyes narrowed on her. Apparently she wasn't willing to tell him herself. Fine. He would simply put it right out in front of her and make her face it.

"You used this at work four days ago. Now at first I thought you were just testing your staff. At least I did until I called Blake to confirm that. Do you know what he said?"

Elizabeth swallowed hard and shook her head. She had absolutely no idea what Blake would have said, but whatever it was had infuriated Henry. It had been a very long time since Henry had been this upset with her. In fact, she hadn't seen him this mad at her since the whole episode with Dimitri being reclaimed by Russia.

"That he was sworn to secrecy." He glared at Elizabeth even harder. "The shaking in his voice completely gave him away. We both know how bad Blake is at lying and covering things up."

Elizabeth winced. She did know perfectly well how difficult Blake found it to lie to someone. It made him incredibly nervous, and that nervousness showed.

"Henry, I'm sorry."

Henry held his hand up to stop her. That action felt like a slap in the face, and Elizabeth nearly took a step back in shock. She could see his jaw working as he struggled to control himself. Most of the time he didn't have to temper his words and make sure they wouldn't be too vicious. In that moment he was definitely weighing everything before he allowed a single sound to come out of his mouth. He was undeniably furious.

"I seriously want to shake you right now. Do you have any idea, any idea _at all,_ how terrifying it was to read that report and realize that I had almost lost you, _again_ , and hadn't even known?"

Elizabeth's stomach shrank and she wanted to curl in on herself. She certainly had an idea of what that might have felt like, but she doubted it came anywhere close to what Henry had truly experienced. It would have been like discovering a report that Henry's radiation poisoning symptoms had returned days ago yet he hadn't mentioned them to her. The mere thought of that alone nearly caused her breath to come in shortened gasps.

There must have been some kind of hitch in her breathing because the anger suffusing Henry's face fell away. He immediately took her left hand in his, wrapped his right arm around her shoulders, and started guiding her toward their office. After leading her to a chair and making her sit down, he knelt in front of her and took her hands. Agonized blue eyes met his.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think you needed to know. By the time I came home it was long over and I'd learned from it."

And she hadn't known he would ever find out. Pain washed over Henry's face and the lines around his eyes pinched as he tried not to cry. Anger had been keeping his overwhelming sadness at bay, but it was now waging a pretty even war with anger and starting to win out.

"How could you do that? How could you keep something like that from me?"

A single tear slipped down Elizabeth's cheek, and she quickly brushed it away. His reaction right now was the main reason why she hadn't shared that day with him. She hadn't wanted to see the profound fear that she knew would arise from discovering her oxygen levels had gotten low enough that she hadn't been able to do more than push her emergency button. Henry had suffered enough trauma in the last few months because of her. She hadn't wanted to cause him more.

"I didn't want to worry you."

Of course that had backfired on her. Henry was far more worried now than he would have been if she'd simply told him what had happened the day she'd gone down.

"Well, you achieved that goal amazingly, didn't you?" he snapped. Almost immediately afterward he winced and reached out for her. He cupped her head in his hands and rested his forehead against hers.

"That was cruel. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was my anger and fear talking."

"I know," Elizabeth whispered. "I should have just told you, but I hate seeing you worried about me, especially when I know it isn't that big of a deal."

Henry's eyes shot up to hers in irritation. She'd needed to use her emergency bracelet. That was basically the definition of a big deal. Before he could argue that though Elizabeth corrected herself.

"Okay, I know it was kind of a big deal, but I was perfectly fine by the end of it and I learned a valuable lesson. It's a lesson I won't forget so I can be 100% positive that it won't happen again. Everything really is okay. Please believe me on that."

He wanted to. He really did. But she had scared him so badly that he couldn't force his mind to accept the fact that she was actually alright. Even seeing it for himself wasn't quite enough. There was still a part of his brain saying that what he was seeing was a fluke. He took a deep breath to try and settle himself. Just holding onto her hands wasn't enough, so he stood and nudged her out of the chair. Once she obliged him Henry settled into the chair and pulled her down into his lap. The position would likely leave his legs rather numb, but he didn't care. Like this he could wrap his arms around her, hold her close, and feel her steady breathing. If anything could calm him down and convince him that she was alright this would be it.

"Tell me what happened."

The report had told him nothing other than the time of activation and how much time had elapsed prior to deactivation. There was no way of knowing what had caused her need to press that button. His mind had been coming up with possible scenarios since he'd discovered the report, each one worse than the last. He needed to know what had really happened, no matter how much the truth might scare him. It was the only way he could protect her - or try to, at least – and it was the only way he could possibly remain sane.

Elizabeth rested her head against his neck and stroked the side of his face. He was hurting so badly. Worse, she knew he was hurting more because of the decision she had made not to tell him than by the medical incident itself. Her chest was burning with guilt over that fact. She was going to do everything she could to rectify that mistake and prove to Henry that he didn't need to worry about her.

"Okay."

If he wanted to know then she would tell him. Hopefully she would be able to phrase everything correctly so she wouldn't worry him more. After all, she hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said that everything was okay. She had learned a great deal from that moment and was going to make absolutely sure that it never happened again.


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

Elizabeth could hardly begin to fathom what she was being told. It completely boggled her mind. Politics had felt incredibly stupid many times, and she had often questioned whether certain politicians had any common sense or human decency. This was, without question, one of those times.

Much of the country was in mourning after a car bomb at the US-Mexico border in Texas had left multiple Texas wardens and border patrol officers dead. There was going to be a huge memorial service in McAllen. Honoring the sacrifice of the fallen should have been the only thing that mattered. Instead she was dealing with petty and arrogant Texan politicians. Or one at least.

"Are you telling me that the governor of Texas is throwing a fit because I'm not flying down there personally to attend the memorial? He actually thinks I'm doing it to spite him and not because getting on a plane could literally kill me?"

"Unfortunately, Ma'am, that sounds about right. He's been all over the news, blowing the story of your lack of attendance up as much as possible," Daisy explained. "There's already a lot of tension down there, especially related to the federal government. The story is only making it worse."

"Whenever anything happens at the border it always ignites the argument that we aren't doing enough to protect the state police and border patrol. Anything they can do to make it look like we don't care, they'll use to their advantage," Kat added.

That was very true. She'd seen it happen time and time again. In fact, she'd already been involved in one incident down in Texas stemming from similar circumstances. There was going to be no winning in this. Elizabeth groaned in irritation.

"Remind me again why I wanted to come back to this job?"

Instead of dealing with this idiocy she could have taken her medical leave permanently and been enjoying her free time on the couch. But no, here she was back at work. In moments like this she really wondered why she had bothered.

"Because you're genuinely good at it," Kat answered.

"And you actually like it despite everything you say otherwise," Blake added matter-of-factly.

While the reasons provided were good enough, Jay couldn't help adding his own explanation.

"And you have a profound sense of duty toward this country and administration that prevents you from leaving."

Elizabeth's eyes flickered from one member of her staff to another. She could tell most of them were trying to keep themselves from smiling. They knew her far too well, and all of their reasons were accurate. She wouldn't have given up her job for anything, quite honestly.

"Well, there is all of that," she grumbled.

With her moment of whining over, she now had to figure out what to do about the situation. The last thing she wanted was to make a decision that would ignite the situation more. No matter how much she wanted to keep the situation from getting worse, flying out simply wasn't an option. She hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said that flying could actually kill her.

"Alright, moving on. Anyone have any ideas?"

"You mean other than going to the memorial?" Matt asked. "Because that seems like the most obvious answer."

Daisy's face pinched like she was doing everything in her power not to slap him.

"Pretty sure the Secretary said she couldn't fly, Matt."

"No, actually, she said she couldn't get on a plane. Doesn't discount a helicopter."

Elizabeth was willing to admit that sometimes Matt's antics brought a certain levity to their discussions that she appreciated. This simply wasn't one of those times.

"Matt…" Elizabeth groaned with the utmost exasperation.

Kat was a bit more direct about expressing her feelings regarding the level of his stupidity.

"You are seriously asking to get your face stomped, aren't you?"

Matt's forehead creased and he threw his hands out to the sides in confusion.

"How is that even feasibly possible?"

"By my kicking your ass so hard you end up on the ground where I can plant a boot in your face," Kat growled, taking a menacing step closer to him with each word.

Elizabeth held up a hand to forestall any further argument. She wanted a solution and not more problems.

"Let's move on for now, but I'm not ruling it out completely."

That was not what Jay had been expecting to hear at all, and his eyes snapped to meet hers.

"Ma'am, you're not honestly thinking of getting on a plane, are you?" he asked incredulously.

"No, Jay. I'm not. If the plane didn't kill me, Henry would. That doesn't mean there aren't other options on how to get there if that's our only solution. For the record though, I'm counting on all of you to find a solution that doesn't involve a nearly 2,000 mile trip to Texas."

It turned out there really wasn't any other good solution. No matter how many ideas they threw around, nothing had a good chance of pacifying the Texas governor. Time was an additional problem. Many strategies would take too long to confirm they worked. If they found out their strategy had failed, it would be too late to use going to Texas as a backup plan. That left one option. Like it or not, going to the memorial was going to have to be their primary plan.

"Well, this is going to be fun."

"I'll come with you, Ma'am. You shouldn't go on a trip that long alone," Jay offered.

Elizabeth smiled appreciatively. She had no intention of going to Texas alone, but she wouldn't be bringing Jay with her.

"Even though you know many of the Texas politicians personally, you have to stay here and hold down the fort in case things go to hell while I'm gone, which they will simply _because_ I'm gone." Her eyes flicked from Jay to her policy advisor. "Kat, how do you feel about a two day road trip?"

"Could be either like I'm back in college again or living a nightmare. Potentially both since they aren't mutually exclusive. Sounds like a fantastic plan."

"I knew I would eventually find something that would make you glad you took this job."

Kat outright laughed.

"For the record, Ma'am, this isn't it."

Elizabeth laughed as well. She knew that quite well, but she also knew Kat would come with her regardless. Her policy advisor was nothing but loyal and had long since proven she was willing to get her feet dirty in order to get the job done, no matter how unpleasant the process might be.

O . o . O . o . O

Once they'd set up and confirmed the trip down to McAllen, Texas for tomorrow morning, Elizabeth got to work determining what paperwork needed to be done before she left and what she could bring with her. She was going to have hours and hours of workable time on their road trip, so she might as well make good use of it. First, though, she had to get the priority items done.

She was in the middle of signing forms when she heard familiar footsteps coming her way. Honestly, she wasn't the least bit surprised.

"Hey, Russell," she said without even looking up from her work.

Russell stopped dead and stared at her. His silence caused her to glance up at him. He looked so completely perplexed that she had a hard time holding onto her straight face. The thought of how much fun she could have with this if she didn't blow it made hiding her expression much easier.

"How did you know it was me? I didn't even call ahead, and I know that assistant of yours didn't give you a heads up when I walked in either."

"You do realize how many superheroes got their powers from poisoning, right?" she told him, still completely stone faced.

"Yeah, from radiation poisoning. Not from some component of fertilizer."

"Herbicide actually."

"Same difference. Either way it didn't turn you into Superman."

"He was born with powers actually. It had nothing to do with poisoning."

"Does it look like I came here to discuss superheroes?"

A smile finally bloomed across Elizabeth's face. She absolutely loved pushing Russell's buttons whenever she got the chance. At this point though she'd had her fun and needed to move on.

"Hardly. You're here to tell me to deal with the Texas governor, right? Can't let him rant against the administration on national television."

Russell couldn't help feeling slightly pleased that even though Elizabeth had known he was there and the general reason why, she wasn't entirely on the right track.

"Actually, we wanted to tell you not to worry about the memorial service. There have to be other ways to back him off. We'll figure something else out."

Normally Elizabeth would be over the moon at the prospect of not needing to deal with one of the jokers who called themselves politicians, but this time was different. Not only had she already solved the problem, but she didn't like the motivations she suspected were behind the offer Russell was making.

"A little late for that. I'm already scheduled to attend. The whole trip is planned."

Rather taken aback, Russell said, "I thought you couldn't fly."

"I can't. Kat and I are driving."

Russell almost choked. He couldn't believe that was her solution. She'd come up with bizarre solutions before, but this one was nuts!

"Do you have any idea how long of a drive that is?"

"Twenty six hours if we drive straight through. Bound to be a lot of fun."

"You're completely insane, aren't you?"

"The paraquat fried my lungs, Russell, not my brain."

"Doesn't matter. You were crazy before you were poisoned," he shot back as he turned to leave.

He only made it a few steps before Elizabeth called out and stopped him.

"Hey, Russell? While I appreciate you and the President trying to protect me and give me an out, don't. Don't make decisions involving me that you wouldn't have made before I was poisoned. I can do my job. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have been cleared to come back. Now if something does come up that I'm physically not capable of doing, I'll let you know. Until then, let's just all treat this like business as usual."

"Noted," Russell replied with a nod of his head. "I'll let the President know as well. Good luck in Texas. You're going to need it."

He was probably right about that. She would probably need that luck even for before they got to Texas. The car ride alone was going to be completely and absolutely brutal.


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four

Elizabeth threw her phone back into her briefcase with a sigh and rubbed at her temples. She had really been hoping that phone call would have cheered her up. Phone calls with Henry usually did, but that hadn't been the case this time.

"Has your husband forgiven you yet?"

"Hah! Based on that phone call, I would have to say no. At this rate he might forgive me sometime in the next decade or so. Normally he'd be over it by now if he'd even been upset at all, but it's going to take a little bit longer considering how over-protective he is of me anymore."

"I'm sure you can fix that by kissing him when you get home."

A slow smile spread across Elizabeth's face. Kat's plan sounded absolutely wonderful to her.

"Knowing Henry, that strategy would probably work rather well." Her eyes flicked toward the window as they pulled to a stop. "Too bad that strategy won't work on our governor."

"I would pay to see you try it."

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at Kat, but it didn't seem to remotely phase Elizabeth's policy advisor. Kat was pretty immune to any response directed her way from one of her boundary pushing comments. Since she lived her life edgy, she was used to it. She also knew Elizabeth wasn't bothered by anything she said. The Secretary had known what Kat was like when she'd hired her.

"You never know. It might actually work," Kat added.

"I'll leave that one up to you then," Elizabeth replied with a shake of her head.

Turning back toward the window, Elizabeth took a moment to brace herself for what was to come. This was going to be her first public outing since returning to work, and she wasn't sure what to expect. She was going to need her oxygen. There was no avoiding that. Unfortunately that meant there would be comments about it too. No matter how bad those comments might be, at least it meant they would finally be getting out of the car.

She had to admit, she almost regretted not taking Russell up on his offer to find a solution that hadn't involved her travelling all the way to Texas after actually experiencing the road trip. They'd spent a few hours in a hotel in the middle of the night, but other than that they'd driven straight through. It had made getting back in the car after a short stop to freshen up at another hotel before the service incredibly difficult. She would have liked to think that would be one of the hardest things she had to do that day, but knew it wouldn't be.

"Alright. Let's get this over with."

She dragged herself out of the car and carefully buried any sign of nervousness well out of sight.

It didn't take long before she was spotted. She did the best she could to ignore the flood of media and turn away any questions about her back toward the reason she was here. Today had nothing to do with her, and she wanted to keep it that way. The memorial itself and the reason for it should hold the media's full attention. She didn't want anything about her to overshadow that.

"Well, well. Look who decided to show up. So glad to see you, Madam Secretary. We are honored by your presence," the Texas governor greeted with mock pleasantness.

Elizabeth had enough experience with politicians to hear the mocking and condescending tone hidden behind his smile. So did Kat. She took a menacing step forward. When Elizabeth felt her increased presence she shifted her position slightly to put her body partially in front of Kat as a warning to keep out of this. Elizabeth could handle it just fine.

"Yes, here we are. Your wonderful speech about my absence dishonoring the fallen officers was touching. Or it would have been if you'd actually meant it. Unfortunately for you, I saw through to the truth. I know what game you're playing. And it is a game. I do highly appreciate being able to participate in a memorial for such amazing men and women, though the thing is, I didn't drive 26 hours to get here for you. I did it for the people who lost their lives and for their families. I wouldn't even drive 26 minutes for a politician who uses a tragedy like this to pad and advance his political career."

"Whatever gets you here, Madam Secretary."

"You might regret getting me here. You have my attention now, and I'm not impressed. Remember, one wrong move can ruin a political career. Right now your fangs are showing, and that won't play well. I'd be more than happy to make them more obvious to the ever watching media you're purposefully trying to get the attention of if you decide you're going to continue putting me on your bad side. Think about that for a little while. In the meantime, I would focus on the real reason we're all here if I were you."

The entire time she spoke she made sure to keep her facial expression completely non-threatening and cordial. Since the media wouldn't be able to hear their words it would look like a purely civil conversation from her end, and that was exactly what she wanted.

She gave his shoulder a quick pat and walked on by to follow her own advice. Making sure she spoke to each family affected by this tragedy individually was the first priority. Normally that wouldn't be too much of a challenge except for the actual content of the discussions. Nothing would be that easy anymore. Walking the distance to find each family could take everything she had. Then, somehow, she would need to find the breath and energy to actually talk to them. If she didn't want to risk triggering her coughing she would have to space out the meetings too. Of course there was no guarantee that would actually prevent coughing or breathing problems. It was just the best chance she had. None of those added challenges would make talking to the families about their losses or offering condolences any easier either.

O . o . O . o . O

By the end Elizabeth was glad she had made the trip despite the long drive. The ceremony itself had been beautifully conducted, and Elizabeth couldn't have been more impressed. She'd managed to talk to the families of all of the victims too. That alone had made the trip worthwhile. They had all been beyond grateful that she'd come and had taken the time to speak to them.

There had been a few comments about her condition, but for the most part she'd ignored it. She'd really expected a lot worse after all. What she hadn't been expecting was how much walking and standing had been involved in the day. Thanks to her concentrator she hadn't had any trouble keeping her oxygen levels up, but it had taken all of her mental fortitude to fight through her fatigue and achiness. Both would have been bound to arise after a day like that even if she hadn't already been prone to those symptoms. Her pulmonary problems simply amplified them. She'd fought hard not to show just how bad the exhaustion and pain had gotten. At least she did until she got into the car at the end of the ceremony and the door closed after her. The second she was out of the public eye all masks were off.

Elizabeth kicked off her shoes, closed her eyes, and collapsed against the seat with a moan. Her shoulders and knees were aching like she couldn't believe, and her feet were absolutely killing her. Her entire body felt like it had been turned to lead. Even small movements were a massive effort. It was a good thing the event was over because she honestly didn't think she could have held out for much longer. She was completely tapped out.

Kat was honestly surprised by the drastic change in Elizabeth. She'd suspected her boss had been tired, but not anywhere near this exhausted. She'd hidden it incredibly well.

"I'm very impressed, Ma'am."

Elizabeth's eyes flickered open, and she tipped her head toward Kat, though in an ungraceful flop rather than a controlled motion.

"Impressed with what?"

"How well you handled today, and the fact that you were willing to drive all the way down here. The families definitely appreciated it."

"They made it worth the trip down here," Elizabeth agreed. "But I can't wait to get home."

Kat felt the same way. As they pulled out and headed on their way, she just couldn't help herself.

"Only 26 hours until we're there, Ma'am."

The thought of that made Elizabeth groan. She would give anything for a hot bath and some painkillers right then. Instead she got a ridiculously long car ride.

"Not helpful, thank you."

Twenty six hours sounded bad enough, but she knew it would actually be longer than that. Traffic, gas stops, bathroom breaks, and a slew of other things would slow them down. She might as well make the most of her time.

"I'm going to take some Advil and go to sleep. Wake me up when we get there, will you?" Elizabeth asked as she shifted around to find a comfortable spot.

"You really think you're going to sleep 26 hours?"

Elizabeth laughed quietly.

"Oh, I wouldn't doubt me right now, Kat. That took pretty much everything I had in me."

"Could have fooled me. Personally I thought you did very well, Ma'am. If not for the oxygen and the coughing when you spoke to the last family, I wouldn't have known anything was wrong."

"That and the fact that we didn't fly."

Despite what she'd said she was very grateful there hadn't been any major signs of her medical condition. It was a good sign that at some point her medical status might not be a point of discussion within the news and political circuits. They could just focus on her achievements instead.

O . o . O . o . O

Elizabeth walked into the house absolutely exhausted despite the fact that she'd been sitting so long. It was funny how tiring long car trips could be. She didn't get very far before Henry met her.

"Welcome home."

Elizabeth had no idea how he knew to be ready for her arrival at that exact moment when she hadn't given him a timeline, but she wasn't going to question it. Nothing could have made her happier. She left her bags behind her and wrapped her arms around him. With a contented sigh, she rested her head against his chest.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. Just a little bit tired." That was a bit of an exaggeration and she knew Henry would pick up on it so she hurried to reassure him. "I didn't have any problems while I was gone either, Henry. I promise."

"I know, babe. I watched the footage. You looked amazing. Completely in control. I'm really proud of you. And I'm sorry I made such a big deal about you going."

He kissed the top of her head and massaged her back. She sighed happily and nearly melted against him. It was wonderful to know he was no longer angry with her.

"Thank you."

"Do you want to come sit down and tell me about it?"

"I'd love to tell you about it, but not sitting down. I can't sit anymore. I've been sitting for way too long."

"I take it you don't want to just stand here either since you're barely holding yourself up already."

She moaned at the mere thought of staying on her feet and settled more of her weight against him. It made Henry laugh. Knowing she wasn't going to even try to come up with a solution, he started wracking his brain for options.

"What if we go upstairs to bed? You can stretch out and still get off your feet."

"And snuggle," she added as if it were the most marvelous thing she could imagine.

"And that," Henry laughed. "Sound good?"

"Sounds wonderful."

Despite what she said though, she didn't make any move to go anywhere. She didn't even unwrap her arms from around him.

"You know, we aren't going to get very far if you don't let go."

"But our bedroom is so far away," Elizabeth whined.

"It's not going to get any closer by waiting."

"It might."

"Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, babe. Come on," he told her with a quick tap to her behind. "Let's go. A little bit more effort and you're home free."

He took her hand and started leading the way. Elizabeth let herself be dragged along behind him. She was so using him as a pillow after this. He deserved it.


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

Henry had a plan. He certainly hadn't set about to make it, but everything had fallen into place at the same time. There was no way he could ignore the incredible timing and not put it together. The opportunity was perfect. Or he thought so at least. The big question was what Elizabeth would think. He hadn't dared to even hint at his idea yet. After setting the next set of dishes in the sink, Henry glanced over at Elizabeth. He wasn't sure she would like his idea in any way, so he wanted to bring it up when she was in a good mood. It was the only way he would even have a chance of convincing her if she hated his idea, and he suspected she would.

"You might as well just spit it out, Henry," Elizabeth said without looking up from her washing.

He startled and looked over at her. Still she didn't look up, but he had no doubt she was paying attention. She'd already proven she'd been paying far more attention than he'd originally thought. He certainly hadn't been trying to give anything away. Even his glance in her direction had been relatively innocuous. Or at least he'd thought so.

"What?"

Elizabeth dropped her wash rag into the sink and turned to Henry with her arms crossed over her chest and her hip resting against the counter.

"Oh come on, Henry. I know that look. That's the "I want to say something, but I'm scared to spit it out" look. You always think you manage to hide it."

"I don't hide it. I just don't use it when I think you'll notice."

"That's hardly a distinction," she returned with a smile. "And by the way, I noticed. You might as well tell me."

She had a point, and she'd been in a decent mood that evening too. Henry glanced at the last few dishes in the sink and decided they could wait. He grabbed his wife's hand and pulled her away from the kitchen. Elizabeth trailed along behind him with an amused smile. She had no idea what this could be about. When Henry took a seat at the kitchen table Elizabeth joined him.

"I was invited to speak at a university religion convocation next month, and I want you to come with me."

"That's wonderful, Henry! Congratulations. What university is it for?"

"Does the fact that you're asking mean you're considering coming?" he asked hopefully.

"I don't really think we're at the point of me considering it since you haven't shared some of the most important details. For instance, you never answered my last question. What university?"

Some of the excitement seeped out of Henry's expression and a slightly sheepish smile took its place. He purposefully hadn't mentioned exactly where his speaking engagement was going to take place. There was good reason for that too. Elizabeth would certainly find problems with the destination. One specifically was a problem of oceanic proportion.

"The University of Salzburg."

Elizabeth's jaw dropped open. The second she'd seen the shift in his facial expression she'd known he was going to give her an unusual or long distance location. He wouldn't have been uncertain about revealing where he was going if it hadn't been, but Elizabeth hadn't been expecting something quite this extreme.

"As in Austria?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes. Austria."

"The country?"

"Um, pretty sure that's the only Austria I know."

Elizabeth glared at Henry and socked him in the arm. He jumped and rubbed the spot where she'd connected.

"Ow. What was that for?"

"You really need to ask?"

No, he hadn't really needed to ask, but she shouldn't have needed to confirm he was talking about Austria the country either. That should have been obvious even without his facial expression as a clue – and he knew she'd read it. He wasn't going to say that though. He had some level of self-preservation. Left with no other recourse, he shrugged.

"Henry, that's amazing and I would love to go with you, but I've only just been cleared to fly domestically. It's not like we even know how that's going to go."

It definitely had the potential to not go well. While she'd been medically cleared to fly, her doctors had highly advised she always travel with a medical professional whenever she went a long distance for work. If she went with Henry it wouldn't be work related, but since it would be both a longer trip and international she had to assume the whole medical professional thing should still be applied. Of course none of that would matter if she wasn't allowed on an international flight. Whether that would even happen was still up in the air.

"The thought of me even going on a trip overseas right now is kind of crazy."

"The trip is still a long way out. You'll have more than enough time for some national test flights before then. It's enough time for the State Department to hire a doctor for you too."

Which Russell had already told her they were planning on doing whether she wanted one or not.

"Ugh. Don't remind me. I hate the fact that I'll have to take a doctor with me wherever I go."

"Why? I'll feel a lot better while you're traveling if I know someone's there to help if something happens. And it will be someone that knows you and your condition."

Elizabeth's forehead wrinkled. She could see that point of view, but having a doctor around would also be a constant reminder that she was sick. Of course she would still have other reminders of that without a doctor constantly nearby. There was another minor resistance point to bringing a doctor with her on every trip too.

"You don't think it's a jinx?"

"No, babe," Henry laughed. "Now will you come with me? Salzburg really is an amazing city. Aside from the University having an incredible theology department, there are 35 churches. In one city. It's incredible. One of them, the Mulln Monastery, if I remember correctly, was the birthplace of beer. To think, it could actually be called a spiritual drink."

Elizabeth smiled at him. He was absolutely adorable when he got onto religious topics like this. While they held no interest for her at all, his excitement over them was always a pleasure to watch. He wasn't going to be able to convince her to go no matter how much he tried though. There were simply too many problems with the idea. Before Elizabeth could put a stop to his highlights of Salzburg churches speech, he veered off to another area.

"If that's not enough, the city is also known for its connection to Mozart and the filming of the Sound of Music."

Intriguing, but she still couldn't go.

"Henry," Elizabeth said softly before he could go any further. "I was off work for three months and I haven't been back that long. Even if I was cleared to fly, do you honestly think the President is going to approve me taking more time off?"

There was very little chance of that in her mind. She wasn't sure if she would feel comfortable doing it either. To leave again so soon would be asking a lot of her staff, and she wasn't sure she was willing to do that simply to spend time with Henry. It wouldn't be fair to them. They'd had to carry a lot of extra weight on their shoulders while she'd been gone even with Deputy Cushings there. She couldn't thrust all of the work back on them again. They didn't deserve it.

"I think it depends how you phrase why you're going. If it's a test run, can he really deny that's a good idea?"

A test run. Elizabeth eyed him curiously, beginning to actually consider his idea for the first time. If there was a legitimate reason for the trip, her staff would be more than willing to cover for her. They had been incredibly understanding since she'd returned. Honestly, they probably wouldn't have protested her going even if the trip had simply been for pleasure. She was the one that had a problem with the thought of going away and leaving them with all the work. Of course she didn't necessarily have to avoid work completely if she went with Henry. He would be busy sometimes. She could easily work from her hotel room and video-conference with her staff. They'd done it before. The need for a test run trip also held quite a bit of merit.

"Alright, convince me. Why do I need a test run?"

Henry's hopes soared, but he forced them down so he could focus on the pure logic behind his suggestion. That would be what swayed her more than anything else.

"Don't you think your first overseas trip should be as non-stressful as possible? That way if you have complications from the flight it won't matter as much. There won't be any demanding need to make you rush your recovery, and you'll learn how long that will actually take. That's rather important to know. Once you do know you can plan out how much extra time you'll need before an important event. Personally I'd rather you decide the fate of the world when you already know your lungs will hold out after the flight."

"I'd prefer that too."

Henry also made some very good points. Almost every overseas trip she went on was critical. Her appearance alone had the potential to ruin her entire trip. A missed appointment definitely would. There would be no way to know how her body would react to a long flight without taking one. That fact gave good credibility to the idea of taking a test run.

"Give me the details about when and how long. I'll run it by my pulmonologist and Conrad. There are no promises though, Henry. Either one of them could put a pin in this idea of yours. My staff could too. They have the right to an opinion about this since they'll have to pick up the extra slack again while I'm gone."

A bright smile lit Henry's face and he leaned forward to kiss her. He trailed his hand over her hair and let the kiss linger. When he pulled away his eyes were dancing.

"I figured _you_ would put a pin in my idea."

"I did consider it," she laughed as she leaned against him. "But you managed to convince me. Now I just have to do some more convincing. Maybe whatever magic you used to get me on board will rub off on everyone else too."

Elizabeth's eyes flickered up to Henry. A coy smile pulled at her lips and heat burned in her eyes. Henry lifted an eyebrow curiously. He knew what that look meant, but wasn't quite sure where she was going with it considering their topic of conversation. Either way, he was definitely interested.

"If I do manage to do that convincing, are we taking the kids?"

Henry laughed. He was going to speak at a religious convocation and his wife was trying to turn it into a romantic getaway. Not that Henry thought there was anything to complain about in her idea. He just found it rather ironic.

"Nothing says we have to take them. Stevie has work. Ali's in college and constantly swamped with her course load. Jason's in high school, and we both know getting him to finish all his homework on a normal basis is near impossible. I don't see good things happening if he tries to catch up on a week of missed work. Really, it would probably be better for everyone if the kids say home and we go alone."

"It would certainly be the most responsible thing to do."

Had she used a different tone of voice she could have sold that. As it was, Henry knew her too well and couldn't help but laugh.

"You're terrible."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and snuggled against his chest.

"Hardly. After everything that's happened, I think I deserve this. You do too."

Henry couldn't really deny that. They'd been through so much in the last few months. Getting the chance to spend some time alone together would do them both good.

"Now if only I could get rid of that doctor," Elizabeth grumbled.

Henry snorted.

"Not a chance, babe."


	27. Chapter 26

_Author's Note: Just want to note that some information in this chapter may not be 100% accurate. I didn't double check it from my notes, and I was taking those notes during a tour in Salzburg this year when I realized, "hey, this is a place Henry would love. I should include this in my story!" There are no guarantees I heard everything correctly or got it all written down right._

* * *

Chapter Twenty Six

With approval from the President and Elizabeth's staff, plus permission from her primary pulmonologist, Elizabeth and Henry set off for Austria a month later. It turned out that Henry and Conrad had made a good decision to have Elizabeth take a test run before doing any international trips for work. After the flight to Austria Elizabeth had needed nearly a full 24 hours to recover. Thankfully she hadn't had any severe reactions and had been able to keep her oxygen levels normal with the help of her concentrator. The flight had triggered her coughing, however, and she had a hard time getting rid of it. Not only that, her achiness and exhaustion had multiplied exponentially after the trip. She'd spent the entire first day propped up in bed, getting up only for necessities. Moving had just been too much for a while, but after the first day her symptoms were mostly under control. She and Henry hadn't had any issues touring the city for a few days as long as she took her usual breaks.

The day before Henry was supposed to present at the convocation they went out again for a private tour. The University and city had closed down some of the public cathedrals for a few hours to allow all of the presenters the chance for a more private visit. Henry was elated by the opportunity.

"Do you have any idea how cool this is?" Henry asked, his own excitement clear in the bubbly tone of his voice.

"Pretty cool I take it," Elizabeth teased.

Henry barely even noticed the teasing through his excitement. He was totally focused on getting to the Salzburg Cathedral where they would start their tour.

"Are you kidding? The Salzburg Cathedral is absolutely amazing. It's an old Roman Catholic Church with Italian Baroque architecture originally built in 774. Despite how huge it is, it only took 14 years to build, which is ridiculously fast. It's been rebuilt three times since then."

"And it's gorgeous, I'm sure."

His specific knowledge of all these cathedrals completely baffled Elizabeth. She knew this was Henry's passion, but what she didn't understand was how he could keep them all straight. By the third one they'd visited on the first day she'd already gotten them confused. At this point most of them pretty much blurred together.

"Beyond gorgeous," he confirmed as he looked back at her with a bright smile. "It's intricately decorated floor to ceiling, and the dome is absolutely breathtaking. There are five organs inside – one Mozart played. Wait until you see the baptismal font too. It's the size of a small bathtub. Truly amazing."

Elizabeth doubted she would find it anywhere near as amazing as Henry was making it out to be, but that was alright. She could already tell this was going to be a highlight of their trip for Henry. He could enjoy it to his heart's content. No matter how long it took she would be happy to give him this moment.

O . o . O . o . O

Elizabeth's eyes followed Henry as he continued to wander through the cathedral. He was still so enraptured by what he was seeing that it made her smile. She had to admit the entire place was as beautiful as Henry had said it would be. As she'd walked through she'd been in awe. Even now, sitting in the pews to wait for Henry, she was still in awe and understood why her husband wanted more time to look. He could take as much time as he wanted. She was enjoying just watching him. Engrossed in watching Henry marvel at the artwork, Elizabeth didn't notice the arrival of her guest until he sat down next to her.

There were so few people in the cathedral that nobody would have needed to sit anywhere near her unless they'd done it on purpose. She looked up in surprise. When she realized who had taken a seat next to her it took everything she had to maintain her poker face and hide her shock.

"Foreign Minister Bauer," she greeted quietly, still completely thrown off by his presence.

"Secretary McCord. Welcome to Austria."

Elizabeth's brain flailed as she tried to come up with a way to respond to that. She hadn't been expecting there to be any political interaction at all on this trip. There certainly weren't any planned. The trip was purely for pleasure from an international relations point of view, and her presence had been kept under the radar. Or so she'd thought.

"Thank you, Minister Bauer. May I ask how you knew I was here? I'm not acting in any official capacity. I'm just here as Henry's wife. The State Department didn't even advertise this trip since it's even less than unofficial."

He smiled at her confusion since he'd expected nothing less.

"When I saw your husband's name on the list of speakers for the University of Salzburg I was hoping you might join him. I kept an eye out to see if my hopes might come true. After I saw your name on one of the flight lists to Austria, I made some room in my schedule for a trip down to Salzburg."

Elizabeth eyed him. That little speech had told her quite a bit. He wouldn't have gone through all of that effort if he didn't want something, and want it desperately. She had no idea what he could possibly be interested in however. Austria hadn't been trying to enter into any new deals with the United States as far as she knew, and she hadn't worked with Lukas Bauer in any real capacity before. She braced herself for what could be a very interesting conversation.

"You must have a good reason for coming all this way to talk to me then." She glanced around at the cathedral before looking back at him. "Though it does seem to be an odd choice for a meeting location."

"Like you said, this is even less than an unofficial visit. I wasn't sure if you would be willing to see me."

"So you ambushed me in a church?"

"A cathedral actually, and I do believe "ambush" is a bit of an exaggeration. I'm even here with less security than you are."

That said quite a bit since only two agents had come with her on the tour, and that was only because they'd both wanted to see the cathedral. Normally she would be leaving the hotel with only one.

"I stand corrected. What can I do for you, Minister Bauer?"

Bauer folded his hands and leaned forward, gazing down at the floor.

"I've heard there might be some environmental medicinal research proposals on the table in the United States. You're looking for a partner."

It wasn't until the end that he glanced up to access her response to that statement. Elizabeth managed to keep her expression neutral despite her absolute shock. She had no idea how Bauer had even heard about those details.

"How?"

"Medical researchers get rather excited when there's a chance to do new things that are actually funded. Whenever there's a chance of that, no matter how small, word gets around."

"I could certainly see that happening. What I don't understand is how word got to you."

He laughed.

"Information on that topic doesn't get to me. I go to it. Doing biological research into any and all natural resources to find possible medicinal benefits is a bit of a pet project of mine."

"So this is an unofficial visit for you too," she replied with a smile.

"Perhaps. Either way I was hoping to discuss the possibility of a joint project between Austria and the United States. I have always believed there is a ridiculous amount of untapped potential in the Alps alone. Include the Austrian countryside and the immense variety of natural elements in the United States, who knows what we could find."

Bauer sounded exactly like Henry did when her husband was talking about religious artifacts. Only moments ago when he'd been talking about the cathedral his eyes had held the same light that was currently gleaming in Bauer's. Elizabeth had no doubt that this was a subject he cared very much about.

"I certainly can't deny the truth of that, but there are quite a few countries that could make the same claim."

"True, but I'm the one in front of you right now. And I assure you I'm offering a good deal."

Elizabeth simply sat impassively. While she didn't know too much about the proposal and project since they were still in the early stages, she'd personally thought they might need an incentive plan to get any other country on board. If Bauer wanted to offer her a good deal, she certainly wasn't going to stop him. The more remote and uninterested she seemed the better deal she was going to get in this case. He obviously cared enough about the topic to do whatever it took to become involved.

"Alright. Convince me."

"You put together your research team, and we put together ours. Equal footing for both and access to the resources in both countries. A full and equal partnership. Whatever funding you approve, I will fight to get my own approval to match it."

That didn't mean he would necessarily be successful, Elizabeth knew, but it was an impressive offer none-the-less. Considering how dedicated he appeared to be about this topic, she believed he would do everything he could to get as much funding as possible too. Knowing there would likely be a matched offer from Austria could sway Congress' approval on funds from the United States' end as well. The project was for an incredibly good cause and would be well deserving of as much funding as she could get.

"That's an impressive offer if you can actually make it work."

"There are never any guarantees in politics as you know, Madam Secretary, but I wouldn't have made the offer if I didn't believe I could follow through on it."

Elizabeth tipped her head in acknowledgement and considered the offer. Before she could say anything Bauer sweetened the deal. Apparently her poker face was pretty impressive.

"I believe the US Olympic Committee has also been making inquiries at various alpine centers. I could put in a good word at one of the Austrian training facilities. Maybe we could get your team some time at one of our mountains."

This time she allowed a smile to creep across her face. She would have taken the deal before the added offer for their winter Olympians. Now there was no way she could turn it down.

"I think we've found an amazing partner in this endeavor," Elizabeth said as she offered her hand to Lukas.

A smile blossomed on Bauer's face and excitement lit his eyes as he shook Elizabeth's hand.

"You won't regret it."

"I'm sure I won't, and I'll keep in touch after I discuss the program with my staff. We'll get a contract written up and sent over as soon as we can."

"I appreciate that, and it was a pleasure working with you, Madam Secretary." He stood to go and then paused to look back down at her. "By the way, this," he said and tapped under his nose to indicate her cannula, "doesn't make you any less formidable."

Elizabeth was so caught off guard by that comment that she couldn't even come up with a way to respond. She simply watched him walk away as she tried to process. She barely even noticed when Henry came over to join her.

"Make a new friend?" he asked.

Still completely dumbfounded, Elizabeth continued staring at where Bauer's retreating back had been before glancing up at Henry and answering his question.

"Seems that way."

O . o . O . o . O

Elizabeth spent the next day while Henry was speaking at the convocation working on a medical research proposal. It wasn't the easiest thing to do by phone, but they were managing alright. Besides, it gave her something to do while Henry was gone. By the time she returned to the office they would be pretty far along.

When the door to their hotel room opened, Elizabeth was quite happy to put her work away. Once she did she moved to join Henry at the door. He saw her coming and set his things down just before she wrapped her arms around him. She nuzzled her head against his neck as he slid his arms around her waist.

"What's all this for?" Henry asked.

"A thank you for convincing me to come here with you," she replied before leaning forward to kiss him.

He returned the kiss and smiled warmly at her.

"Glad you found it worthwhile."

"I did."

Henry recognized that glitter in her eyes and the smile tugging at her lips. It brought a smile to his face as well. He knew where this could go, and he was more than happy to let it go there.

"Do I get to find it worthwhile not to have brought the kids?" she asked.

"I think I could make that work."

Grinning at him, she tugged at his suit coat and led him toward the bed as she walked backward. Making the trip without the kids worthwhile would be easy enough. Henry would be happy to make sure it definitely was.


	28. Epilogue

Epilogue

Elizabeth strode through the hall of the White House and into the President's outer office. Concerns over whether or not she could physically make that walk were long since gone. She took each step with confidence despite the concentrator hanging over her shoulder.

"He busy, Lucy?" she asked.

"No, Ma'am. He should be available."

"Thanks, Lucy."

Elizabeth opened the door and stepped into the President's office. He glanced up at the sound of the door opening and waved her in.

"What can I do for you, Bess?"

"I just wanted to give you this, sir," she replied and set a manila folder down on his desk.

Conrad lifted an eyebrow curiously as he picked up the folder. Elizabeth's expression gave very little away, but he saw satisfaction in her eyes.

"What is this?"

She couldn't hide her pleasure any longer, and a wide smile suffused her face.

"A medical report. My last restrictions have been lifted. I'm cleared for international travel, extended trips, and anything else you might need of me."

For as small a thing as international travel was, it symbolized so much more. It felt absolutely amazing to be able to stand in front of the President and confirm she could do all aspects of her job. At the start of all of this she would never have thought that would have been possible. That little piece of paper meant more than what was actually written there. It meant she had her life back. That was triumph, pure and simple.

A huge smile grew across the President's face as well. He was nearly as happy as Elizabeth over this news. It was a well-deserved final clearance. Very well-deserved.

"Congratulations, Bess. It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, sir."

And she was back. She'd been to the brink of death and then fought through the black pits of despair as she'd first faced her diagnosis. Now that was all behind her. With this final success she could officially say she'd won. Her life was her own, for however long it lasted. Estevan Sanchez and paraquat hadn't taken that away from her. They might have won a few months, but the rest of her life was hers to control. She wouldn't let them win anything more.


End file.
